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The Funniest Scottish Tweets Of 2017: Mid-Year Edition

It’s only June and we’ve already peaked.

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1.

Innit weird how when ye hate someone everythin they post pisses u off like they tweet "i love soup" n ur like aye a bet ye fuckin do

2.

12.99 tae look like a bit a ravioli

3.

Mad how yie get 6 points and a £200fine for being on yer phone yet there's folk oot there way eyelashes on there motor n getting away wae it

4.

Just oot the post office n they asked ma auntie if she had any other ID wae her n she went "av got this keyring that says Karen on it" :)))

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5.

Shoutout to the wee man who lives in this house n allowed 50+ strangers to drink in his garden cos the polis tried… https://t.co/fm5z39cZc2

6.

Can't be dealing wi waiters that ask how yer meal is as yer scoffing ur gob full of food, it's in yer name fuckin waiter minute

7.

put an elastic band round ma head in work n sumdy said a look like cara delevinge n tbh a see it

8.

No way did a drunk lassie on the train just tell me she doesn't want wains cos she loves dogs n went "Nae wains great dains"

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10.

Hate when u ask someone where something is and they go 'try opening yer eyes' try dodging this jab ya melon

11.

Just fell through the roof trying to get the cat canny believe it she's still up there tae

12.

Who would ye rather have as Prime Minister?

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13.

wis in a taxi going to work n the cunt asked "so wit is it ye do?" a replied "work in a bank mate you?" Just let me oot here mate al walk it

14.

If am hungover or sad ma dug will stand nexty ma bed n stare into ma soul sending me telepathic messages of his lov… https://t.co/O9Igze3xFh

15.

Bonnar just got pulled by the police n they asked if he had anythin on him that he shouldn't have n he said "aye ma maws socks"😂😂😂

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17.

Hate when a cunt yer no expectin says awrite an ye hit back wae a pure high pitch HIYA then think about it for the rest ae yer pathetic life

18.

Imagine being a fuckin vegan, walking hame after a night oot steaming like "fuck me i could go a cabbage supper"

20.

Annoys me when a put ma hand out for a bus & the cunt behind me puts their hand out tae. Wit doye no trust me or suhin? Ye got a magic hawn?

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21.

Went inty the shop for sweeties after work n the burd said 'you look how a feel pal' you better feel fantastic then ya cheeky boot

23.

If ma grandweans take pictures a me dyin on ma hospital bed to post on social media fur attention a will haunt them till they die

24.

Why do cunts go "mail me" when sumcunt asks about their new job?? Nb Sandra you're part time in Home Bargains no undercover wae the MI5

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25.

Lassie in Gibraltar took my photo while a was off guard, stuck it to a plate and made me buy it fur €6

26.

Greggs staff could pull a block ae ice from a freezer look you in the eye and tell you there's a "wee bit of heat" in it

27.

I'm 18 on Friday n my gran just said to me "first line is on me" she was meaning for the bookies thought she wanted to get onit

28.

When your maw sends you to Asda with yer da

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29.

Forget yer new £1 coins check oot ma new 5 pence piece

30.

There's folk ma age having weans and av just had a tub ae Pringles for ma dinner.

31.

"Drunk mind speaks sober thoughts" a went aboot an entire night tellin cunts a was an apprentice dentist

32.

chewing gum geen me better advice than half ma pals

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33.

Theresa May looks like the kinda woman when u where younger and your ball went inty her garden she'd get her husband to go oot and burst it

34.

Admittedly av missed a few instalments a Fast n Furios. But how did we go fae drag races tae the Rock diverting torpedoes wae his bare hawns

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36.

Fred flintstone been driving about killie

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37.

See when people come into my work n go "you're always here" ??? mate a work here, YOU are always here

39.

Dreadin the day someone gets down on one knee and asks me to marry them cos a have a hefty double chin when a look down

40.

When u wake up thinking it's Monday morning and text your gaffer wanting a day aff 😂

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41.

Reminder that JK Rowling a grown woman multi millionaire blocked me for calling her made up character in a book about wizards a specky cunt

42.

asked for a vodka n coke last night in menorca n look at the fuckin state ae that, that's a pint glass, that's atte… https://t.co/JHg5QzwrfZ

43.

When i see a police dug I deliberately act pure suspicious hopin to get inspected by Sgt. Good Doggy actual gies a wee cuddle Officer Fluffy

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45.

Why do we say Sean like shon but we dinny say bean like bon

46.

47.

a burd got pied aff ma pal n she said 2 him 'am done botherin wae u' n he said 'this isny glesga airport ye dnt needy announce ur departure'

48.

49.

Dominos asked robbie how many slices he wanted his pizza cut into 4 or 6 n he said 4 cause he couldn't eat 6

50.