18 Things People From Edinburgh Really Don't Want To Hear
"Do you know J.K. Rowling?"
1. "Glasgow's music/food/shopping scene is better."
Why you shouldn't say this: Sure, Glasgow's grub is good, it hosts plenty of gigs, and it's shops aren't bunched up in a long line, but Edinburgh is a food paradise with no shortage of music venues and amazing vintage stores. Don't be a hater.
2. "I love your trams."
Why you shouldn't say this: The billion-pound tram project was an omnishambles and caused chaos for years, plus the project had to be scaled back so it's not a full network. We're still not over it.
4. "Do you eat deep-fried Mars bars all the time?"
Why you shouldn't say this: No one in Edinburgh – or even Scotland – actually eats deep-fried Mars bars. Plus, they were invented in Aberdeenshire.
5. "Where's Princess Street?"
Why you shouldn't say this: The main shopping street is called Princes Street. Every sign says Princes Street. PRINCES. It's not annoying the first time, but it grates around the 765th. Also, buy a map.
6. "Edinburgh must be so boring the rest of the year."
Why you shouldn't say this: We know the festival is amazing, but Edinburgh is just as good every other month, if not better. You should visit in July or September; you might like our city even more when you're not tripping over student drama groups.
7. "London's parks are so much better."
Why you shouldn't say this: Firstly, rude. Secondly, do any of London's parks come with their very own extinct volcano? Or majestic cliffs? Or an Athenian-style half-finished Acropolis? No.
8. "It's such a shame the weather isn't nicer."
Why you shouldn't say that: World-class architecture, stunning restaurants, amazing festivals, huge parks, and a castle aren't enough for you? Just shush. Plus, the haar adds atmosphere.
9. "OMG, it's just like Harry Potter!"
Why you shouldn't say this: We love that you think Edinburgh is pretty, but it's a living, breathing, working city, not a Hogwarts film set. Plus Edinburgh pre-dates J.K. and H.P. by about 1,200 years or so. Just appreciate it on its own terms.
10. "Chippy sauce is vile."
Why you shouldn't say this: How rude! Our watery vinegary gravy is delicious. Also, we don't come to your hometown and disrespect your delicacies... unless someone from Edinburgh once did that to you, in which case you get this one for free.
11. "Glaswegians are much friendlier."
Why you shouldn't say this: Really? Have you ever googled the term "Glasgow kiss"? Edinburghers might be a wee bit tetchy at times (the tone of this article being a case in point) but we're just as friendly, funny, and welcoming. Honest.
12. "Do you know J.K. Rowling?"
Why you shouldn't say that: Again, there's more to Edinburgh than Harry Potter. Yes, J.K. does live here, but she keeps herself to herself and hides behind a giant bush. You probably won't run into her or one of her BFFs.
13. "The parliament building is so ugly and weird-looking."
Why you shouldn't say this: Firstly, have you been inside? It's pretty amazing. And secondly, yes, it might look like a car park covered in plastic toilets, but it's our car park covered in plastic toilets and we're the only ones allowed to slag it off.
14. "Everyone who lives in Edinburgh is English."
Why you shouldn't say that: Yes, Edinburgh is home to quite a few English expats (including J.K. Rowling) and graduates who decide to stick around, but so are plenty of other cities in Scotland, even Glasgow. In short: No.
15. "Is that [insert iconic building name here] real?"
Why you shouldn't say this: It's a city, not a theme park. Why wouldn't it be real? The High Street isn't a painted backdrop, and the castle isn't a flat pack from IKEA that we put away whenever tourists aren't around. So now you know.
16. "Isn't Leith a bit... rough?"
Why you shouldn't say this: Like all ports, Leith can be a bit down to earth, but it's certainly not dangerous. It's got three Michelin-starred restaurants, for Proclaimers' sake. It's also friendly, welcoming, and has some of the best pubs in town.
17. "Do you want a flyer?"
Why you shouldn't say this: We live here, we don't want to be constantly handed armfuls of useless paper-spam about one-man duck musicals every August. Bother the people who are wandering around saying: "It's just like Harry Potter!" instead.
18. "How do I get to the castle?"
Why you shouldn't say this: If you're desperate for directions, just ask. But please don't flag down a passing bus to quiz the driver. Also, you could try looking up: It's perched on a rock above the city. Or you could just BUY A FREAKING MAP.