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    Posted on Nov 27, 2017

    11 Things About Having A Scottish BFF That Are Awesome, And 11 That Are Kind Of Weird

    We love you, but please stop throwing up and losing your shoes.

    1. They go on about something called "TITP", which seems to be an event where youths throw up in a field.

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    From what you can tell, it was basically Tough Mudder with added alcohol poisoning, but your friend talks about it like it was heaven and wishes you could have been there "back in the day". But you are secretly relieved you were not.

    2. But apart from that muddy anomaly, they really do know how to have a damn good time.

    3. Their drinking ability never ceases to amaze you.


    It's a bit bizarre, though. You try your best to keep up, but usually just end up holding their coat and watching while they drink a pint of something called "Buckie".

    4. And most nights out seem to end with them crying, lost, or covered in sick.

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    You end up gently herding them around and trying to keep them safe like you're playing an IRL game of Lemmings.

    5. But when they get pissed, they get really affectionate.

    Twitter: @Andykerr_

    Which is nice, and makes up for all the hours spent trying to convince them not to chug vodka, holding their hair back while they vom, and hunting for their lost possessions.

    6. They make you try damn strange foods all the time.

    Twitter: @JkwalkerAuthor

    "What do you mean, you've never had deep-fried haggis?" they'll yell at 3am while you're both pissed and sitting in the road. Then they'll somehow find one and make you eat it.

    7. But they also make you the best breakfasts you've ever had in your entire life.

    8. They'll almost certainly swear in front of your relatives, which will make you cringe.


    "Aw, this jalfrezi is fuckin' gorgeous Mrs P." *Whole room goes silent in horror.*

    9. However, despite (or possibly because of) that, your relatives will love them just as much as you do.

    If they swear, it will somehow be funny. If you swear, you'll still get a slap.

    10. No more boring New Years for you: your Scottish bestie will introduce you to the wonders of Hogmanay.

    Flickr: smudie / Creative Commons

    Partying in the street in freezing conditions might not sound very fun, but it is. If you drink enough whisky and eat enough hot, deep-fried meat, of course.

    11. Unfortunately, they will also make you go for picnics in arctic temperatures, usually in April.

    Twitter: @Tomcoronel

    This is less fun, and it's hard to understand why your friend thinks that 14 degrees is "lovely summer weather," or why they want to eat sandy scotch eggs in a 21-mph wind.

    12. And make you go for walks in conditions that would make Bear Grylls shit a brick and then die.

    Twitter: @ChrisPelaia

    "Och, it's just a wee bit of snow, it'll be good craic." Narrator: But it was not good craic.

    13. They give you brilliant, no-nonsense pep talks.

    These are usually sweary, and always spot-on.

    14. They can keep a secret, too.

    Twitter: @haraam_

    They won't let on that you told them you once shat yourself in P.E. when you were 12. In fact, they'll take that secret to the damn grave with them.

    15. And no matter how badly or weirdly you behave, they'll support you 100%.

    Twitter: @dainasimsx_

    And you return that favour too, of course.

    16. Understanding your BFF can be a bit tricky sometimes.

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    It's not always easy to follow what they're saying when they're drunk, or angry, or speaking entirely in Doric. So you just nod along politely.

    17. They sometimes get annoyed if you tell them to repeat something, or ask what various words mean.

    Starz / Giphy

    Yes, we know you're speaking English, but we don't understand. Also, sorry for laughing when you said "och aye." If only Scottish friends came with subtitles.

    18. But with their help, you end up fluent in no time.


    And it's fantastic, because being able to "speak Scottish" is particularly useful when making a complaint, or slagging off people on Twitter.

    19. They often get incredibly angry about things that happened a fairly long time ago.


    At first you're like "woah it happened in the 1700s get over it", but when they explain the Highland clearances to you over fourteen pints, you end up getting just as angry, and chanting things like "down with the English", even if you are one.

    20. They'll take the piss out of you constantly.

    And we'll be honest: sometimes it does sting a bit.

    21. But woe betide anyone else who decides to roast you.

    Twitter: @dylanmcgolddick

    They will probably kick them in the balls.

    22. And they'll always put you first, no matter what.

    Twitter: @GarryCook_

    For Scottish best friends are simply wonderful.

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