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    18 Things Every Melburnian ACTUALLY Wants For Christmas

    Why do none of these products actually exist?!

    1. Self-smashing avocado.

    Goodful / Via Facebook: officialgoodful

    Why do we have to smash our favourite brunch ingredient like we're still in the Dark Ages?

    2. Shoes that transform into a mobile shelter. / Via

    Perfect for picnics in our unpredictable weather.

    3. Gluten-free gluten.

    Columbia Pictures

    Without any added gluten!

    4. A veganator.

    A device that scans your meal and takes out any animal products using ~laser technology~.

    5. A Myki ticket inspector tracking app.

    Universal Pictures

    So you can tell how close they are to you at all times.

    6. An app that estimates wait times at cafes and restaurants that don't take bookings.

    20th Century Fox

    Or maybe just an app to hire someone to wait in line for you?

    7. A t-shirt that says "on weekdays, we wear black".


    It could become our municipal uniform.

    8. Or, a t-shirt that says "for brunch, we wear activewear".

    Doing literally nothing in my activewear.

    9. Negroni iceblocks.

    Our favourite cocktail *needs* to be an icy pole.

    10. A vape holster.

    Bedford Falls Productions

    For hipster cowboys everywhere.

    11. An app that translates street art.

    Sr. X. / A. L. Crego. / Via

    Like the ones they use in galleries to help you talk intelligently about the work on display.

    12. On-tap cold drip coffee.

    Like beer, but more acceptable to drink in the morning.

    13. An instant beard.

    Or a believable fake 'mo.

    14. Contouring kits for pale people.

    Harvey Films

    Instead of bronzer, talcum powder to build a ghostly glow.

    15. A Sydney-blocker.

    Warner Bros. Television

    Like sunblock, but for Sydney.

    16. Aperol spritz as a spray.


    The perfect Apéritif in a handy purse-sized spritz bottle.

    17. Affordable housing.


    Hahahahahahahahaha – *cries in the corner*.

    18. And a train line to Melbourne Airport.

    Abso Lutely Productions

    Not exactly a product, but definitely required.

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