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"I Know That's Not What You Want To Hear..."

Just another break up story via USPS.

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I would have posted the whole letter, if I hadn’t been upset enough to throw it in the trash can. I didn’t JUST trash it….. I looked for more trash around my house just to pile on top of it. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t in love with this guy. It was more like I was in love with the idea of being loved. I am a single mother. I have been divorced. These past few years trying to date have felt much like wading in a pool of lemon juice after just shaving.

I met this great guy. We hit it off. He tells me he is leaving in a few weeks to work on a fishing boat for a few months. The weeks before he left, we spent a lot of time together. Before I had met him, I had basically resolved to discontinue dating, due to previous experiences. And let me stop you right there, before spouting any holier-than-thou crap…. We read these experiences, and advice, and what have you about life after love. We see this inspiration a lot. We are told to keep looking for love, to not let our hearts grow hard and/or cold. So what did I do? I looked for someone I could respect, adore, and be a team with.

And in this one guy, I found something rather refreshing. Conversation. Unlike a lot of conversations with anyone. I could sit and talk to him for HOURS. And we have. And it was amazing. We just…. Clicked. Neither of us expecting it. And for a time, I felt really good about this guy, and starting something amazing. I swooned at the prospect of being a team with someone. He asked me to allow myself to feel for him. And, he was delighted I would not venture to see anyone else while he was on this boat.

Two months into writing letters and satellite calls, I get a letter. As I mentioned, I would have posted it, had it not been thrown away and drowned under more trash. I cannot tell you the contents except the sentences that haunt me. “…I know this isn’t what you want to hear…” and another “…I would like to be in your life to the extent you will allow me…”.

Neither sat well with me. He goes on about making plans to travel, and moving. Things we had discussed before, and none of what he mentioned in the letter came up when we actually spoke about them. Not until this stupid letter. And who does that!? You want to be in my life, except not make me a part of yours? Everyone has a right to a life that brings them joy, I am not saying he doesn’t. But to tell someone one thing, and make a “self discovery” amid being ankle deep in Pollock?

It’s just another break-up story. (I ended it via USPS after that letter.) It must have been a ten day break-up. Mail travels slowly to where he is. And frankly, I would like to thank the United States Postal Service for assisting me.

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