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I Fell In Love With A Narcissist

It's a difficult situation, one that has little to no awareness.

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At first, it was spectacular. He showered me with love, wanted to know everything about me, and looked at me like I was the most important person in his life from day one. Everything moved very fast; he wanted me to meet his family on the second date, and justified it by us talking for months since he worked away. He worked away, so I went to school an hour and a half away. This worked, because I was still home every weekend, but soon that wasn't enough.

He soon became very jealous, I was accused of cheating every time I was drinking, even if it was just my girlfriends and I at our dorm. This would lead to near break-ups, and him screaming at me over the phone, calling me horrible things.

When he got home from work, he never wanted to be alone with me anymore; if I wanted to see him, then I had to join him while he had beers with his friends, went to the bar, or went to a party. Soon, my birthday came around. He wasn't supposed to be there because of work, and I was sad but relieved. He ended up surprising me, and commandeering the plans I had made. First we went to Tilted Kilt, (similar to Hooters), to meet all of his co-workers from the rigs. Then to where I worked at the time. He brought along his co-workers, most of which scared away my friends. We were joking about him being drunk and all of a sudden I was getting screamed at in the lobby, for all my friends and co-workers to hear.

Right before that, he put a down payment on house, for us. I moved some of my things in; I knew deep down I wouldn't be there for long. He had people over all the time, at least one. He would let drunk people do drugs in our house and hide it from me. I still had to wake up at 5 for school, but was up til 5 with his blasted music and friends screaming, and every time I said a thing against it I was screamed at.

After numerous nights back at my moms, we broke up. I felt free. Everything was over. I was still shaken though, I couldn't sleep without a drink or two because I'd remember his screaming and I'd be wide awake. I started drinking. A lot. I made an unsavoury decision that got back to him and suddenly it got worse, despite us not even being together. I had him shaming me on social media, sending me messages of off other people's phones just to torment me. I got a call on New Year's Eve, he said, "Shh, be quiet. I'm in bed with someone." Before a double shift of 16 hours.

Then he changed his tune. This will sound stupid, and it was stupid. After months of begging, and wooing, we got back together. I never moved back in, rarely spent the night. He and I agreed to stop drinking. Of course I didn't know at that point that quitting drinking for him meant two pitchers a night. When someone told me he was drinking that much, he said he would kill the person who told me.

Right before the impending break-up we had went on a trip for Valentine's Day. I told him I didn't care what we did, which was kind of a lie because really every girl cares. So we went to a restaurant where he informed me we were going to a club with someone he used to sleep with. I told him it wasn't okay, and got screamed at across the table for the whole place to hear. I started to tear up and I was told, "Oh are you going to cry? You always make such a scene. We should just leave now so you don't embarrass us." So mouth shut, drink in hand, there I was. In a club on Valentine's Day, with my boyfriend and his ex-casual hook-up. He invited her back to our room, which resulted in me getting black-out drunk and being quite crazy. I guess she finally realized she wasn't welcome so she left. When she left I was yelled at for being psycho and driving her off.

The last time I remember us together was at a bar. I remember not wanting to go, and we were having a small fight. This escalated and he uttered the words, "I wish I could just punch you right now." It was over.

Except it wasn't. After the break-up I received death threats. I was thrown insults everywhere. I was scared to leave my house. I lost my job, dropped out of college, and hid in my house for 3 weeks. Eventually everything subsided, but I still do get that disgusting feeling sometimes. The feeling I let myself experience for too long. The feeling of caring for someone who is a narcissist, and a sociopath.

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be very scary and unpredictable. This relationship still haunts me to this day. If you are experiencing any type of emotional, verbal, or physical abuse in a relationship please seek professional help.

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