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8 Ways To Not Kill Your Partner When You First Move In Together

Bridgett Turro, Adriana M. Rendon, Haley Katz and Emily Gonzalez

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1. It's Not Only What You Say, It's How You Say It

Does your significant other ever do something to tick you off and you hit them with the "it's fine" and a hard eye roll? Clearly, things are not fine. Saying “it's fine” can mean many different things depending on your tone of voice and body language. Being aware of non-verbal communication can prevent miscommunication and conflicts. If you want to tell your partner that things are in fact actually fine, a smile and the right tone of voice can get the point across.

2. Self-Disclosure

When you first move in together, things can get a little chaotic. It is very important that both sides of the relationship are straight forward with what they want and their expectations. Disclosing information about who you are as a person is the first step to making a relationship work smoothly. This information can range anywhere from your personal goals to how you see your relationship in the future. It's perfect pillow talk conversation.

3. Do NOT Stonewall

Ever get in a fight and don’t feel like talking to your partner for a while? If you live together then the silent treatment simply does not work. Living in the same space means that there will be conflict and that conflict needs to be talked about. The only way you can work through your issues is to openly discuss what the issue is and how you can solve it.

4. Make Time For Friends

As much as you love spending time with your significant other, you need to make time for your friends as well. And so does your partner. It is important that you don’t spend every waking moment together as this may cause little conflicts from too much time together. Girls Night Out and Saturdays are for Boys are equally as important as the other and necessary for a healthy relationship.

5. Figure Out The Details

Sort out the list of tasks that need to be done. Do not assume that your girlfriend is going to do the dishes every night. If you two talk about it and that is the way things are going to be, that’s great. But do not go into living together riding on your assumptions. Things need to be openly discussed and divided. How do you pay for bills? Who washes the sheets? Are you going to eat Big Macs once a week or cook dinner together every night? Talk to your partner and get things straight BEFORE moving in together.

6. Validate Your Partner

If you want this cohabitating relationship to last longer than your first lease, give your partner a little reassurance when things are going well. If they just cleaned the whole apartment before you came home from work, make sure to recognize this hard work and tell them you appreciate it. Also, as your partner discusses their wants and expectation it is important that you respect these and realize their opinions matter.

7. Stay Away From Criticism

When something was done that you don’t like, do not attack your partner. Stick to the task that was done wrong and not your partner’s behavior. For example, you come home and the garbage has not been taken out. Instead of calling your partner a lazy slob, express to them that you both decided they would take out the garbage on Tuesday nights and it needs to get done.

8. Accept Conflicts And Deal With Them

When you live with your significant other there is always going to be conflict. Accept that you will fight and things are going to go wrong at times. If you are just starting to live with your partner and see that you are having a lot of problems, do not automatically think things are over. Take a breath, figure out the issues, and communicate.

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