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10 Things More Informative Than The 24 Hour News Cycle

Seriously, does anyone really need THAT much news? If you're looking for a more digestible once-a-week news update, make sure you catch Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, premiering Sunday April 27, at 11 p.m. EST on HBO.

1. A crumpled New York Times newspaper blowing around in the wind.


"It's like a little kid begging me to play with it. For 15 minutes. That's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in."

2. Fortune cookies.

http://C.P.Storm / (CC BY http://2.0) / Via Flickr: cpstorm

Who needs the fluff when you can get down to the root of all that's wrong and right in your life?

3. The Canine Chronicle.


All the dog news you need, none of the human news you don't.

4. Playing "telephone."

Ben Rosen / Via BuzzFeed

At least when you play telephone, you know someone started

out with an accurate message.

5. Ouija board.

kowitz / (CC BY-SA http://2.0) / Via Flickr: kowitz

Using a child¹s game to contact mystical spirits will get you more useful information than the average 24 hours of TV news. At least you¹ll find out something about the boys you like.

6. This song:

No, it's not a good song, but it's chock-full of things that actually happened. It's like a book report with a chorus.

7. An old man's ominous premonitions.


Sure, old men in rocking chairs can be cranky and alarmist, but have you WATCHED the news lately? We¹d trust an old man¹s achy knees over most weather forecasts, too.

8. A baby's first words.


When a baby says "mama," that baby means "mama."

9. Tarot cards.

Inspire Kelly / (CC BY http://2.0) / Via Flickr: inspirekelly

Sure. Why not?

10. And just eavesdropping on other people's conversations.

Ben Rosen / Via BuzzFeed

All the news you care about with minimal effort and maximum hurt feelings.

Stop wasting time and let John Oliver deliver the news to you in a more manageable, once-a-week serving.

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