back to top

We Asked 5 Famous Actors What It’s Like To Milk A Cow For The First Time And None Of Them Got Back To Us

Their answers won't shock you because we never got them.

Posted on

1. Brad Pitt


We reached out to Brad Pitt, but he didn't answer his phone. We left a voicemail asking about the first time he ever felt the warmth of a cow's udder, tugged gently on it, and then felt the pulse of the rushing cow's milk through the udder on his fingers as it squirted into a tin bucket. He hasn't returned our call yet.

3. Ben Stiller


We called Ben Stiller on Wednesday, but we got him confused with Adam Sandler. So, actually, we left a voicemail on Ben Stiller's phone asking if Adam Sandler remembers the first time he milked a cow more or less vividly than the first time he was ever breastfed as a baby. Neither Ben Stiller nor Adam Sandler have gotten back to us.

4. J.K. Simmons


We tried calling J.K. Simmons, but no one answered. So, we brought a cow to his home in Los Angeles. We didn't want to bother him, so we left it in his driveway with a note that asked him to milk the cow and then write to us at our Hotmail email address with a 1,000 word essay about the experience of milking a cow for the first time and its connection to the Department Of Agriculture Reorganization Act of 1994.

He hasn't emailed us, and we drove by his house, hoping to retrieve the cow, but it wasn't where we left it. If you've seen a cow with a big black spot on the left side of its face and a handwritten note address to J.K. Simmons taped to its back right leg, please reach out to us. We need to return the cow to the farm we borrowed it from.

5. Marlon Brando


Marlon Brando grew up near a farm and began honing his acting skills at a young age by mimicking the act of milking a cow. We wanted to know if he'd send us a video of him yelling, "Stella! Stella!" at a cow and then mime milking it in slow motion. Figured he'd be into it 'cause of the whole childhood thing. Not so. He's yet to respond to our inquiry.

This post was created by a member of BuzzFeed Community, where anyone can post awesome lists and creations. Learn more or post your buzz!