Skip To Content
  • lol badge

37 Things You Learn From Working In A Comic Shop

You've gotta get something out of it other than a staff discount and a hernia.

1. This guy is nowhere near an exaggeration.

2. You become so used to the smell of B.O. that you can no longer detect B.O. on humans.

3. It's apparently perfectly reasonable to respond to the words "No, sorry, those are embargoed until tomorrow" with "...but can I have them?"

4. There is a scene in Six Feet Under that haunts you still.

5. If stacked wrongly, a volume of the Dynamite Vampirella Archives is a genuine health and safety hazard.

6. This Venn diagram is 100% scientifically accurate.

7. If you're a girl, at least once a week some guy will say these words to you: "So do you actually read these?"

8. Anyone who buys Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose is a total wrong'un, yet on a Tarot week you will absolutely read it on your lunchbreak.

That @natmetcalfe (name and shame) alerted me to this week's peak Tarot, lads

Pro tip: The readers' wives section (or "Broadsword Babes") in the back is a whole new world.

9. Someone will freak their nut because you're out of that die-cut fucking variant cover and you'll be like:

10. There is only one response when the boss asks you to clean the shop toilet.

11. Fighting against acronyms is pointless, you will never win. AvX. AvP. EGITEOTWFM.

12. It is actually possible to twist your eye if someone asks you a stupid enough question.

The veteran comic shop staff member keeps painkillers in the backroom with their back issues.

13. If a weekly regular hasn't been in to collect his comics in over two months, he has definitely died.

14. You will remember the names of dead men and their corresponding orders for life.

15. This patch on a denim jacket used to be a daily sighting by the back-issue bins but became endangered (possibly extinct) in a year no one cared to note down.

16. The worst guys are the guys who buy 10 copies of some comic Bleeding Cool said would be worth a bunch on eBay.

17. Some people erroneously believe your job is cool.

18. The apocalypse could happen but you wouldn't know – the back-issue basement is basically a nuclear bunker.

19. Men who pay in cash every week are doing it so that their wives don't see comics on a credit card bill.

20. Girls with asymmetric haircuts will always buy a Jamie McKelvie comic that you swear they bought last week.

21. Drunk people in pubs genuinely phone up to ask who would win in a fight between the Incredible Hulk and Spider-Man.

Sometimes they will get into specifics. "No, like, Christopher Nolan Batman. Would Christopher Nolan Batman put up a better fight than Frank Miller Batman? Can you ask Frank Miller?"

22. And when those phone calls happen you just wanna reply:

23. Guys who sell their entire collection in one go are getting married in a month.

24. You become oddly proud of really embarrassing shit.

25. A single bagged comic on an otherwise unbagged shelf is a crime scene.

26. You have a plan for the next time a civilian walks in and says: "So what's your most expensive comic then?"

27. The real reason you need glasses is because you know that Chris Ware hides jokes in the copyright notice at the front.

28. When you see a regular customer buying comics in a different comic shop you can't help doing this:

29. The worst thing that can happen is this.

30. The worst opinion you can have is whatever opinion the comic shop guy does not hold.

31. A longbox of Marvel trades is unliftable even by a Guinness World Records strongman.

32. The hyphen is important.

33. Bank holidays mean nothing to you. They are simply the thing that fucks your life up for a week.

34. Typing "superherpes" instead of "superheroes" is funny only to you.

35. When you started this job you thought you'd have a perfect collection of comics but really you just end up with damages you "forgot" to send back.

36. There is no greater feeling than completing the filing on Wednesday morning.

37. And best of all: You learn useful transferable skills for your future jobs!

Type E-X-I-T then RETURN to exit.