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I Went To The Sylvester Stallone Memorabilia Preview And Asked To Smell Rocky's Gloves

Don't invite me to your auctions.

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I never read press releases so if you sent one, I didn’t get it. This means I missed the one about the shorts.

Hayley Campbell / BuzzFeed

The press release of a lifetime: ROCKY BALBOA’S SHORTS were going to be UP THE ROAD FROM THE BUZZFEED OFFICE, and I missed it.

I was probably looking at Twitter. Maybe I was in the snack room. I missed the bit about the original treatment for Rocky I being right there, up the road.

Written in the beaten-up hands of Sylvester Stallone in 1975, in a notebook that cost him 11 cents.

Fellow BuzzFeed writer Dan Dalton alerted me to Apollo Creed’s hat being in my general vicinity, knowing that I legit think I am Rocky Balboa.

Hayley Campbell / BuzzFeed

I get up at 6:30am every day to eat loads of eggs and train with a guy called Cris who I insist on calling Mickey. I have a grey tracksuit that I wear around the house and when I run up the stairs to my room I do the pose at the top.

You know the one.

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Obviously we had to go to this thing: a preview of Sylvester Stallone's private memorabilia auction. He hauled his original Rocky I leather jacket out of his attic just for us.

Hayley Campbell / BuzzFeed

So we walked all the way up Oxford Street to see his shorts, and also Creed’s shorts. If I’d had any more warning, maybe I would have worn my tracksuit and run there in the rain.

When we got to the weird small room in the hotel, Dan introduced himself to the auction's PR director with a simple air of authority, and I did not.

Hayley Campbell / BuzzFeed

I giggled and said hi, giving off an air of someone who might say "I like box sets" if you ask them what they're into. I was too excited! Rocky's championship belt was right over there!

This was an error. From then on all Rocky memorabilia factoids were directed at Dan.

This was not the way I wanted it to be!

I eat loads of eggs!

I eat like three to five eggs a day!

I had to prove myself.

“These gloves smell worse than my gloves,” I said, smelling the gloves, wanting him to know that I have boxing gloves and have worn them enough times to make them smell super gross.

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“Can I pose with the championship belt like I won it and my girlfriend is called Adrian?” I wanted him to know that I know that Rocky’s girlfriend is called Adrian.

“I’ve seen Sylvester Stallone’s porno three times and made GIFs of his balls for BuzzFeed,” I said, so he would know that I’ve seen Sylvester Stallone’s porno three times and have made GIFs of his balls for BuzzFeed.

I don’t know how impressed they were with how many eggs I eat or how much of Stallone’s balls I’ve seen, but I was pretty impressed that they let me be Rocky Balboa in a bleak London hotel room.

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John Rambo's jacket is like every jacket you can buy in Camden.

Hayley Campbell / BuzzFeed

Only this one will cost thousands of dollars when they auction it off in December.

And I didn't ask to try it on.

Stallone: The Auction happens on 16-19 December 2015, at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza in Los Angeles.