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Which Fictional Serial Killer Should You Date?

(And eventually be killed by?)

Posted on
  1. 1.

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    Taking my make-up off before bed no matter how drunk I am is my only superpower.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    I have three steps and I never deviate.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    I clearly don't care what I look like.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    I fall asleep with a book on my face most nights.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Whatever the shower does is my skincare routine.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Vanity is a sin and so is taking ages in the bathroom imo.
    Correct
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    Regular soap is fine by me. We're talking, like, Imperial Leather.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    My routine is so thorough as to be almost medical.
    Correct
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    I barely remember to brush my teeth tbh.
  2. 2.

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    Gender politics and what this guy just said on Twitter, did you SEE it?
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    Phil Collins.
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    Incorrect
    Daenerys Tagaryen and how she's the most interesting bit in Game of Thrones.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Daenerys Tagaryen and how she's the signal for TEA BREAK in Game of Thrones.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Taxidermy.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    The stuff that went down in Catholic school. You have no idea.
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    Boardgames, video games. I'll probably make you play Cards Against Humanity.
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    Sometimes I'm too outraged by the acts of others in Starbucks or whatever to even speak.
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    My hair. Because look at it.
  3. 3.

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    I'd like to be blindfolded and surprised.
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    A posh restaurant.
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    The zoo.
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    I want him to cook me dinner.
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    To meet his mum.
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    Several meaningful places so it'll make a good story later.
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    One of those escape room games where we get to solve crimes IRL.
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    The beach.
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    Incorrect
    To see a musical.
  4. 4. POP QUIZ, LIKE THE KIND OF DEALBREAKER YOU MIGHT GET ON SAID DATE WITH A SERIAL KILLER (or John Cusack in High Fidelity, same thing).

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    Rocky I, II, III, Rocky Balboa, IV, V
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    Rocky IV. That's the only answer you need.
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    Rocky V doesn't exist.
    Correct
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    This line of questioning is wildly irrelevent, did you put this in by accident and are you going to be fired?
    Correct
    Incorrect
    I'm a frankly bizarre human being and have seen no Rocky films. I deserve to be murdered.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    The final one will wear the crown.
    Correct
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    I don't have time to waste on this.
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    Can we rank Back To The Futures instead?
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    I'd probably sing Eye of the Tiger at karaoke. Beyond that, I really don't care. Next question.
  5. 5. ~RUDE INTERLUDE~

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    ~dress-ups~
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    I like to be shouted at while nude. It's a thing.
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    Mouth stuff.
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    Shower stuff.
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    Y'know that scene in The Exorcist?
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    I like to be tied up like your mum reading 50 Shades of Grey.
    Correct
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    Top.
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    Doggy.
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    Normal.
  6. 6. Be honest now.

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    No, and we're definitely getting dessert and no we're not sharing.
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    Absolutely. If you don't lift, I'm not having sex with your disgusting body later.
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    Sure, but only if he's not doing any of the talking. I babble.
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    The library maybe, never the gym.
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    I live nowhere near a gym.
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    Only if I'm talking about the gross crimes of indecency people commit with the hairdryer.
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    Incorrect
    Only to see his reaction.
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    Incorrect
    I'm blatantly mad fit but I don't talk about it.
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    I can't work out with hair this great, are you insane?
  7. 7. This quiz is not coming on to you, but:

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    Not much.
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    It's like a pantsuit but it's a skirt? Hilary Clinton vibe.
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    Any old shit, it doesn't really matter.
    Correct
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    A tracksuit.
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    I'm blousey!
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    Black.
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    Tight jeans with a complicated button-fly that I regret.
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    Shorts.
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    Lace and velvet all year round.
  8. 8.

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    A photo of him with his dick and balls tucked between his legs so he looks like a lady. I know. I know.
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    A suit and a job I don't entirely understand.
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    Tattoos.
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    Photos of dinner instead of the dude
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    Bathroom selfies.
    Correct
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    A well organised theme between the pictures, especially one that would require time to set up.
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    Pictures where you're not sure which one is him so you right-swipe just in case.
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    A short-sleeved button-down pastel shirt.
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    Hella baked goods.
  9. 9. You're back at his place and the doorknob to his bathroom snaps off.

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    Make loud annoying noises until he or his dog notices me.
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    Have a long luxurious bath because why not. His flat is amazing.
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    Search his cabinet for weird stuff.
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    Find out if he's actually putting legit Brylcreem in his hair. I didn't even know they still made that.
    Correct
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    Scream forever.
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    Sit patiently.
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    Completely overreact and cut off limbs to fit out the tiny bathroom window.
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    Crowdsource an escape idea off Twitter.
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    Test out if I should get a fringe by doing that thing where I pull hair across my forehead.
  10. 10.

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    Screaming.
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    Bloodily.
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    Confusedly.
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    Quietly.
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    With sharp things in my head.
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    I want a whole section of Wikipedia devoted to it and I want Twitter to lose its mind.
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    In the most amount of pain possible.
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    With good reason.
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    Dramatically.
 
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