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14 Urns That'll Make You Wish You Were Dead

What a time to be alive/cremated.

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1. A severed head, or "as close as you're gonna get to being a head in a jar on Futurama".

Cremation Solutions / Via

This is an example of the full-size adult urn, weirdly modelled by President Obama on the Cremation Solutions website. All they need to knock up one of these 11" high-tech 3D models of your head is two photographs (one from the front, one from the side) and $2,600.00. Wigs are extra. No refunds.

2. An actual dildo that your girlfriend or widow can actually use.

Conceptual artist Mark Sturkenboom's 21 Grams (named after the supposed weight of a human soul) allows your family to keep 21 grams of your ashes inside a blown-glass dildo. According to Sturkenboom, "She is able to have an intimate night with her sweetheart again." That's nice, right? Nice.

3. A ghost urn, in remembrance of what you looked like when changing the duvet cover.

Anna Marinenko / Via

3D artist Anna Marinenko sees no reason why cremation should be a sombre thing. Plus: "Ghost Urns are perhaps the only way to be certain you'll become a ghost after you pass away."

4. A huggable bear, because just being dead is no reason to miss out on hugs.

Memorial Gallery / Via

Available in brown, white and tan. If something super tragic happens in the family you can get a "Family 3-Pack" for the low, low value price of $99.95. That's basically three for the price of two. Something to think about.


9. Your very own TARDIS now that you can probably travel in time and space, depending on your beliefs.

Decorative Urns / Via

Suitable as long as you weigh no more than 260lbs at time of death or you'll be like a bit of flat-pack furniture with bits left over. $950.00.

10. A wheelbarrow, such as the kind one might use when wheeling a human body from one place to another in a movie.

Decorative Urns / Via

That's the connection, right? Drunk or dead, you weigh basically the same. Felt-lined. $1,300.00.

11. A frog, because someone you thought you loved thinks you were ugly IRL.

Decorative Urns / Via

"A whimsical tribute to your frog lover," says the website, having no respect for the hours put into selecting the Instagram filter for the front of the funeral booklet to hide your hideous face. $800.00.


13. A bag, because you were an old one? You always had antibacterial hand gel when people needed it? Who knows.

Une Belle Vie Memorial Urns / Via

Just hope your mum doesn't accidentally grab this on the way out to the restaurant accidentally, or she'll end up getting you all over her friends when she's furiously insisting on paying for dinner. $995.00.

Alternatively, you can be fired into Space far away from anyone's mantelpiece for the starting price of $1,295.