1. This kid who knows charm will get him everywhere:
SON: you're pretty ME: aww SON: even when you just waked up you're so pretty ME: awww SON: can i have Doritos for lunch ME: there it is
2. This kid who isn't Santa's biggest fan:
We taught our baby sign language. This is the sign for "help." You're welcome.
3. This kid who's definitely going places:
My 3yo said she wanted to be an astronaut, and I said she had to study hard, go to college, learn a lot of science, and take a physical fitness test, and she shrugged and said, "That's just 4 things." So she's basically a nonchalant motivational speaker.
4. This visionary of the human condition:
I pay for this boy to go to after school clubs and he makes shit like this 😭😭😭
5. This kid with a dark backstory:
Audrey (3yo): Tweet tweet! Me: Aw, are you a birdy? Audrey: Yes! I’m a mommy bird! Me: Where are your babies? Audrey: They’re eggs! They’re so cute!!! Me: And is there a daddy bird? Audrey, suddenly serious: He died a long time ago
6. This kid with a special relationship:
I just want someone who looks at me the way my brother looks at ketchup
7. This competitive 7-year-old:
7: I'm beating you! Me: Ok. 7: I'm way ahead! Me: I see that. 7: I'm gonna win! Me:.... My son on the carousel horse in front of me.
8. This smart ass response:
4yo:*takin sip of my Dr. Pepper* what flavor is that? Me:Dr. Pepper 4yo:*looks at me like I'm a moron* That's not a flavor, that's a person.
9. This fashion icon who knows who she is:
It was princess day at dance and one little girl came as a hot dog I have never admired someone more
10. This kid who learned from Rihanna:
When my youngest brother was little he was being bullied and went to my parents for help. They told him “Sticks and stones may break my bones” they then asked him to finish the phrase and he said “but chains and whips excite me” he seriously thought that was he second part.
11. This evil mastermind:
Me: "Why are these Legos all over the floor?!" 5: "To keep everyone else away; it's my computer turn." BRILLIANT.
12. This vocabulary genius:
2yo referred to her coat pockets as "snack holes" and this is what I shall forever call them
13. This master of both fashion and nutrition:
LMAO MY BABY SISTERS BAG
14. This 4-year-old who isn't ready for employment:
4-year-old: Why do you go to work? Me: They pay me a salary. 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: I don’t even like celery.
15. This creative kid with a good imagination:
3yo (in bathroom): Mummy, can I put this sticker on Daddy's card? Me (in bed): Yes. 3yo: Will he love it? Me: Yes.
16. This kid who just wanted to make a clarification:
Me: [in bathroom] 7yo: [knocks] MOMMY? Me: Yeah pal 7: IT'S ME Me: I know 7: YOUR SON Me: Knew that too
17. This proud champ:
My cousin just posted this picture of his son. Look how excited and proud he is of where he put all the carrots. I'm cracking up https://t.co/fVETR5FXZU
18. This brutal kid just looking out for their mum:
My toddler randomly handed me lotion and pointed to my feet. I’ve never felt so loved and simultaneously disrespected in my life.
19. And this 4-year-old who solved the mystery of adulthood woes:
4-year-old: Does your work chair spin? Me: It sure does 4: Do you spin it lots? Me: No, I'm not supposed to. 4: No wonder you hate work.