back to top

We’ve updated our privacy notice and cookie policy. Learn more about cookies, including how to disable them, and find out how we collect your personal data and what we use it for.

24 Tweets You'll Laugh At For No Real Reason

"Every morning I ask the dog "the usual?" before pouring her food into her bowl."

Posted on

1.

[son hands me a picture he painted] Me: what's that Son: it's our house Me [walks outside with son]: do you see how it absolutely isn't?

2.

can i get uuuuuh one unhappy meal

3.

genie: please no millipede: more legs

Advertisement

5.

This is the weirdest tom and jerry memorabilia I've ever seen. It's too minimalist it looks like it's from their we… https://t.co/XFMt8DMD2p

6.

7.

Delivery guy: Could I use your toilet? Me: Yes sure it's the door under the stairs. Delivery guy: Which one? Me: Er… https://t.co/GOtRgbkxsd

Advertisement

9.

I guess I'm not going to Target anymore

10.

When you're trying to summon a bat demon but there's a typo in your spell book

11.

imagine having sex and he says "say my name baby" but his name is gilbert

Advertisement

12.

13.

[blind date] HER: I'm a big country fan ME {trying to impress her}: China is very large

14.

15.

every morning I ask the dog "the usual?" before pouring her food into her bowl & neither of us thinks it's funny but that's showbiz baby

Advertisement

16.

Oh my god this guy in this bathroom wearing a cowboy hat just greeted me with a "howdy brother" and I panicked and I said "yee haw"

17.

18.

just seen a sponge bob show on the tv. why the yellow man don't leave the octopus alone

19.

"I'd like you to paint me a cat." "A what?" "A cat. You do know what a cat is, right? You've seen a cat?" "Uh, yeah… https://t.co/RiTvmjM0Uy

Advertisement

20.

Fucking weird that if you wanna get to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping

21.

prank caller: is your refridgerator running ? me: how did you know i had a fridge

22.

*bangs toe* *never calls toe again*

Advertisement

24.

really just spent two minutes like "why would you shame someone with tuna?"