Kim Harrison’s Jenks, a Pixie (from the Hollows series) v. Jim Butcher's Bob, a Skull (from the Harry Dresden series)
WINNER: Jenks, because, when turned into a fully-grown human, he looked fine. I mean, seriously, seriously hot. Also his ability to move through small spaces (and move fast!) is darn helpful when fighting bad guys. Plus he's a great father and husband. We are mad for "Bob," but we are doubtful of his parenting skills.
George R.R. Martin’s Samwell Tarly (from a Song of Fire & Ice series aka Game of Thrones) v. Tolkien’s Samwise Gamgee (from the Lord of the Rings trilogy)
WINNER: Samwell Tarly. Although both are stalwart friends, only one of them has ever discovered a cache of dragonglass and killed a crazy snow-zombie, or saved an innocent baby from dying of exposure—and that's Samwell Tarly. We love Samwise Gamgee, but let's be real—when push comes to shove, he's more likely to give Gollum a cooking lesson than clonk him over the head.
Sir Terry Pratchett's Luggage (from the Discworld series) v. China Miéville’s Curdle the Milk Carton (from the novel Un Lun Dun)
WINNER: The Luggage. Much as we love Curdle, a puppy dog-like milk carton really is no match for an ambulatory valise who is ready to go on a killing spree at the drop of a hat. Also, we suspect luggage would just plain find Curdle tasty, so there's that….
Buffy The Vampire Slayer's Willow v. J.K. Rowling’s Hermione (from the Harry Potter series)
WINNER: Hermione. Don't hate us. Please, please don't hate us. In the end, it's Hermione, because if there is one thing Hermione is, it's consistent and steady in the midst of great chaos. We cannot say the same for Willow, much as we love her! They do get equal points for having great hair, though.
Star Wars' Chewbacca v. The Princess Bride’s Fezzik
WINNER: Chewbacca. Hands down. Always, always, always Chewbacca. He's the soul of the Rebel Alliance. And he was inspired by George Lucas' own dog!
The Vampire Diaries' Alaric vs. Supernatural's Bobby Singer
WINNER: Bobby Singer. So hard to choose (we love them both!), but Bobby Singer makes infinitely better decisions (in life and in the afterlife) and is far less volatile when hitting the Jack Daniels. We adore Alaric, but the guy can get a little out of hand.
John Watson v. 11th Doctor/Dr Who's Companion Rory Williams
WINNER: John Watson. John. Friggin'. Watson. Yes, Rory Williams has a gun in his hand and is technically immortal, but come on—he is a pushover. Also, dying is kind of his thing. We're convinced sometimes he just dies to get laughs. We love Rory the Roman, but there is no way he could take on the esteemed Doctor Watson.
Kevin Hearne’s Oberon (from the Iron Druid series) or Charlaine Harris’ Sam Merlotte (from the Sookie Stackhouse novels/True Blood)
WINNER: Oberon, clearly, as Sam Merlotte so often loses out in the love/life/luck category. And even when he wins, everyone is still mad at him! Sometimes being in a human body really is a drag.