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Food

16 Times The New Brooklyn Whole Foods Went Too Damn Far

Wtf is an exotic foraging kiosk.

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So. Whole Foods opened up a shiny new store in a shiny new complex in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

It occupies two levels below an open-plan WeWork space.
wfmbrooklyn / Instagram / Via instagram.com

It occupies two levels below an open-plan WeWork space.

It's been kind of a big deal.

JuliaMat / Twitter / Via Twitter: @JuliaMat
holyurl / Twitter / Via Twitter: @holyurl
dan_allegretto / Twitter / Via Twitter: @dan_allegretto

Here are the highlights:

1. This floor-to-ceiling shrine to La Croix.

A little dramatic for some sparkling water?
Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

A little dramatic for some sparkling water?

2. The mileage on these frozen kale smoothies.

"This Kale was grown in Milton, NY, and traveled 19 miles to Kingston."
Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

"This Kale was grown in Milton, NY, and traveled 19 miles to Kingston."

3. The fact that meat alternatives are stored right next to desserts.

Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

4. This ~forager~ app, where you can special-order exotic produce.

Essentials include "rare white strawberries" and "edible pansies."
instagram.com / Via instagram.com

Essentials include "rare white strawberries" and "edible pansies."

5. The in-store smoothie bowl station...

6. Not to be confused with the vegan and paleo parfait bar...

Made using only "local coconut yogurt," you guys.
instagram.com / Via instagram.com

Made using only "local coconut yogurt," you guys.

7. Or the custom-order poke bowl bar...

Don't worry: All seafood is sustainably sourced.
Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

Don't worry: All seafood is sustainably sourced.

8. Or the all-vegetarian (?!) burger counter...

There's also an "I Can't Believe It's Not Chicken" sandwich. Mmm.
instagram.com / Via instagram.com

There's also an "I Can't Believe It's Not Chicken" sandwich. Mmm.

9. OR the goddamn lobster cart.

Just for CASUALLY snacking on LOBSTER TAIL while you grocery shop.
Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

Just for CASUALLY snacking on LOBSTER TAIL while you grocery shop.

10. This very intentional misspelling.

Almondmilk. YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND INVENTING NOUNS LIKE THAT, WHOLE FOODS.
Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

Almondmilk. YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND INVENTING NOUNS LIKE THAT, WHOLE FOODS.

11. This attempt to be just like the local coffee shops.

Give the hipsters what they want.
Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

Give the hipsters what they want.

12. The butcher observation room.

instagram.com

Or is it a contemporary art installation? Enough with your mind tricks, Whole Foods.

13. This weird identity crisis.

"Gluten-free, vegan-friendly" and "authentic Jewish deli" aren't exactly in sync. PICK A FUCKING LANE, YOU GUYS.
wfmbrooklyn / Instagram / Via instagram.com

"Gluten-free, vegan-friendly" and "authentic Jewish deli" aren't exactly in sync. PICK A FUCKING LANE, YOU GUYS.

14. The 18 kinds of craft beers and local wines on tap.

Also, trivia and bingo nights. In. A. Grocery. Store. 👏
Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

Also, trivia and bingo nights. In. A. Grocery. Store. 👏

15. These labels.

Ok we get it, Whole Foods, you're fancy AF.
Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

Ok we get it, Whole Foods, you're fancy AF.

16. This ~sprouted~ granola.

ISN'T PLAIN GRANOLA ENOUGH?
Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

ISN'T PLAIN GRANOLA ENOUGH?

Happy shopping, Williamsburg.

Comedy Central / Via esquire.com

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