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16 Times The New Brooklyn Whole Foods Went Too Damn Far

Wtf is an exotic foraging kiosk.

So. Whole Foods opened up a shiny new store in a shiny new complex in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

wfmbrooklyn / Instagram / Via instagram.com

It occupies two levels below an open-plan WeWork space.

It's been kind of a big deal.

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Here are the highlights:

1. This floor-to-ceiling shrine to La Croix.

Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

A little dramatic for some sparkling water?

2. The mileage on these frozen kale smoothies.

Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

"This Kale was grown in Milton, NY, and traveled 19 miles to Kingston."

3. The fact that meat alternatives are stored right next to desserts.

Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

4. This ~forager~ app, where you can special-order exotic produce.

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Essentials include "rare white strawberries" and "edible pansies."

5. The in-store smoothie bowl station...

6. Not to be confused with the vegan and paleo parfait bar...

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Made using only "local coconut yogurt," you guys.

7. Or the custom-order poke bowl bar...

Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

Don't worry: All seafood is sustainably sourced.

8. Or the all-vegetarian (?!) burger counter...

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There's also an "I Can't Believe It's Not Chicken" sandwich. Mmm.

9. OR the goddamn lobster cart.

Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

Just for CASUALLY snacking on LOBSTER TAIL while you grocery shop.

10. This very intentional misspelling.

Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

Almondmilk. YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND INVENTING NOUNS LIKE THAT, WHOLE FOODS.

11. This attempt to be just like the local coffee shops.

Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

Give the hipsters what they want.

12. The butcher observation room.

13. This weird identity crisis.

wfmbrooklyn / Instagram / Via instagram.com

"Gluten-free, vegan-friendly" and "authentic Jewish deli" aren't exactly in sync. PICK A FUCKING LANE, YOU GUYS.

14. The 18 kinds of craft beers and local wines on tap.

Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

Also, trivia and bingo nights. In. A. Grocery. Store. 👏

15. These labels.

Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

Ok we get it, Whole Foods, you're fancy AF.

16. This ~sprouted~ granola.

Hannah Mars / BuzzFeed

ISN'T PLAIN GRANOLA ENOUGH?

Happy shopping, Williamsburg.

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