People Are Sharing The Things That Are Supposed To Be Sexy But Actually Suck, And Here Are 29 Of The Most Accurate
Think twice before you use whipped cream.
Recently, Reddit user u/Still_Atmosphere asked, "What is something you thought was hot in theory but turned out not to be in practice?" and people sure had a lot of experiences to share. Here are some of the best responses!
Note: We're not here to kink-shame anyone! These people found these experiences not-so-hot, but hey, if you find them super hot in practice AND theory, more power to you!
1. "I once bought some sex foam from Spencer's Gifts. It was suppose to taste like french vanilla. I put it on the girl I was dating at the time's no-no parts and licked it off. It ended up tasting like burnt coffee and gave me food poisoning."
"Real whipped cream is actually super nasty if you don't lick it all off. Sour milk stink is not sexy."
2. "Trampoline sex. You would think that the extra bounce would add some thrust, but trampolines are very slippery. We just ended up sitting on the edge of the trampoline and going at it."
3. "Tearing fishnets off with your teeth. It's hot, sure. Then they're stuck in your teeth and you have to choose between 1) Giving oral sex with a thread in your mouth (uncomfortable for everyone) Or 2) Pausing the moment to pull the fishnets out from between your incisors."
5. "The Grapefruit Technique."
"She went with the room temperature method instead of warming it in water — normally not a big deal. Except we were poor college students, and it was 45 degrees in our house. That’s some cold juice dripping down to my asshole. I laughed and shivered the entire time."
8. "Edible underwear. It’s a funny gag gift to give, but not practical at all. It’s a fruit roll-up in the shape of a bikini bottom. It doesn’t fit, it wants to melt at body temperature, and food near naughty bits is sometimes hygienically questionable."
9. "Holding a girl up and fucking against a wall. Shit is hard work."
"Let her enjoy it, then carry her somewhere else (like a nice bed that's easier to fuck on) and throw her down like you planned it. Never ever let on that you were fighting for your life holding her against that wall. Breathe deep slow breaths on the way to the bedroom."
10. "In the heat of the moment, I thought it would be hot to passionately rip my wife's bra off. She was FURIOUS that I ruined one of her good bras."
12. "Licking chocolate sauce off my partner. As soon as I painted it on him, I looked at it and just realized it looked a lot like shit. Couldn't do it with a straight face."
13. "This one time with my ex-wife, we thought it would be hot to eat dinner while having sex. Honestly, it just made a huge mess, and she started to choke as we got a bit rougher. I don't think it helped that our dog was sat staring at us the whole time, either."
14. "Choking. Turns out, I have a phobia of restricted breathing due to childhood asthma. Sure as hell ruined that otherwise lovely evening."
15. "Reverse cowgirl where the girl leans forward so you get a nice view of their ass. Sure, the POV can be hot, but bending the penis too far down kills my arousal and then it's only a matter of strokes before she bends it in half as its slipping out. Ouch!"
"My mother is a surgical nurse who specializes in urology. She said the majority of broken dicks are caused by reverse cowgirl."
16. "Huge dicks. Sure, they seem great and pleasurable when you think about it, but in reality it's just pain and suffering."
18. "Sex inside a beach changing station/room. It smelled like piss, shit, and other substances because it had proper walls and people could do whatever they wanted inside of it. Never again."
19. "Watching porn together. I don’t normally watch porn and I thought it was hilarious. Wound up pretending to be film critics watching modern art."
20. "Being called daddy. Maybe if I'd been turned on to this before the internet memed it to death, I could take it seriously."
21. "Being pissed on. It took many months of persuading my girlfriend, and several attempts where she got stage fright, but the stars finally aligned and I got my golden shower. As soon as I tasted it I was out, no more, no thank you. She of course couldn’t stop peeing because she was laughing, so we both just sat there laughing while she peed all over me."
22. "Threesomes. I thought having two people on me would be hot as fuck, but it was kinda nerve-wracking and I couldn’t focus both at the same time, so I just felt bad when I was focusing on one person and accidentally ignored the other one."
23. "I learned the hard way (no pun intended) that 'pulling her panties to one side for a quickie' will result in friction burns to the penis. Just take the damned things off."
24. "When my boyfriend and I started talking, I was still lactating. When I told him how when I get turned on, they start leaking, I tried to convince him that it’s not hot at all, but he thought it was the hottest thing ever…well, he learned otherwise. We were having sex, and he grabbed one of my boobs and got sprayed in the face and didn’t like it much. Then he noticed the milk spots on his sheets. … Now he won’t play with my boobs during sex unless I’ve recently pumped."
25. "Facials, for sure. I always end up feeling a little guilty afterwards."
"Ex wanted to use my cum for an actual facial. She gave me head, I came on her face, then she lathered it all in like a face mask and we sat there for 20 minutes with my kids just hanging out…post nut clarity hit hard."