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39 Offensive Things Straight People Have Legitimately Said To People In The LGBTQ Community

"[He] said when we were ready to have kids, there was a cup in his fridge with our name on it."

Recently, we asked LGBTQ members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the ridiculous and offensive things straight people have said to them. Here are some of their responses!

Note: Some submissions include topics of rape and pedophilia.

1. "'You don't look gay.'"


"I wasn't aware that every LGBTQ person got a clothing starting pack or haircut that showed the world what their sexuality or gender identity is."


2. "'This is a phase. Just look to Jesus.'"


"I have been told this countless times online and it always makes me sick. Why do people think it's okay to say this? I'm an atheist anyways."


3. "If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me how two girls could have sex..."


4. "When we were in college, my wife (then girlfriend) and I worked together at the dining hall on campus. There was a guy that worked there who said when we were ready to have kids, there was a cup in his fridge with our name on it."



5. "[The] first time my best friend left me alone with her new boyfriend (she had to go up to her room), he told her that he was uncomfortable that she left him alone with me cause I'm gay and he didn't want me to make a move on him."

Columbia Pictures

"It's almost like these straight men are scared of exactly what they do to women on the daily."


6. "My best friend's ex-boyfriend decided it was a great idea to say, 'If you kiss your girlfriend where I can watch, I’ll give you $20.'"

New Line Cinema

7. “Queer and trans man here ... 'Have you had…~the surgery~?'”


"Almost always within an hour or so of meeting them."


8. "'Who's the man and who's the woman?'"

Dimension Films

"Neither. We're both the same gender identity. That's the definition of homosexuality, mate."


9. "To me and my girlfriend on vacation: 'Are you sisters?!'"

Sony Pictures Releasing

"'Um, no.'

'Hmm. Well, you look like sisters...' 

We do not look alike aside from both being white presenting. This was from a staff member who knew it was just us staying together... Super uncomfortable."


10. "When I met my now-husband and told him I'm bi, he said, 'I can change that.'"


"Turns out, he was super misinformed about how sexuality works. He's a great ally, talks to our kids about different families, and even helps raise our kids without the traditional gender conformity he was raised with. ... It took months for me to educate him on different sexualities and genders."


11. “It’s only a microaggression if you let it be.”


"I told my supervisor and college president that I was dealing with a lot of anti-gay and anti-trans language, along with physical threats (e.g., 'LGBTQ people should be shot'). Supervisor only said that sucked and that was it. The college president didn’t acknowledge it at all. A hundred percent total silence. Neither ever checked in on me or brought it up again. Of course, these are the same peoples who think Safe Zone training (which they still don’t have!) and a gender-neutral bathroom map will get them a gold star by their names for being inclusive to the community. Being LGBTQ is more than these issues!"


12. "If ONE MORE PERSON tells me it’s wrong to use 'they/their' for a single individual, I swear I’ll go bonkers on the spot."


"I personally don’t go by they/their pronouns (even though I don’t identify as 100% cis). But a lot of people I love use these pronouns and it’s important to them. Since I love them, I’ve adapted the language I use. So when someone says. 'It’s just grammatically wrong,' what I hear is 'I don’t want to be inconvenienced by a teeny tiny change in the way I speak, so I’m just going to erase your identity.'”


13. "I'm pan and I constantly get stuff that’s like, 'Oh, so you’re just bi.' NO, I'M NOT."


14. "When I finally came out to a roommate ... she always asked me to look away when she was changing. (First of all, she knew I was and am in a happy relationship; second of all, it’s not like I was looking anyways!! Thanks for making me feel gross.)"

Noisey / YouTube / Via

15. "When I changed my pronouns to she/they, almost everyone said, 'Okay, but you’re just doing it for attention / you’re just a cis girl trying to be quirky.'"


16. "You're actually not a lesbian. You're just afraid of men."


"My freaking mother told me this because my father's an alcoholic (well, so is my mother, and I'm afraid of her and not of my father). The funny thing is, my mother thinks she's a gay ally."


17. “'Wait, so you’re pan? Doesn’t that mean you f**k pans?'"

18. “'Are you a boy or a girl? No, no, I mean were you bOrN a BoY oR a GiRl?' I was born a baby, you old-fashioned piece of trash."


19. "Something that makes me cringe is when someone comes out as non binary and people purposely misgender them with their dead name and pronouns and justify it with 'it’s confusing' or 'it just doesn’t make sense to me.'"



20. "I'm agender and the number of times I've been asked, 'But what bathroom do you use?' is wild."


"My answer is always, 'Umm, any one that has a toilet.'"


21. “You just haven’t had the right penis yet."

22. "'Can you tone down your gay?'"


"A dear friend in high school asked me to homecoming and I said yes because he was genuinely a fun and kind person. I knew he liked me despite the fact that he's straight and I had told him I'm a queer transmasc. I thought he was supportive cuz he seemed fine after I told him. The day before homecoming, he texted me asking me to wear something that wasn't 'so obviously gay' because his mom was gonna give us a ride. I laughed about it in the moment but looking back on it, he probably never saw me as a guy and was afraid that his mom would see him with a 'girl' wearing a suit to the dance. Jokes on him, I ended up wearing a suit and makeup. Nothing gayer than a dude in a sequin blazer and shimmery smokey eye."


23. "I’m asexual and I hate hearing, 'Well, how can you know you’re asexual if you’re a virgin?'”


"Well...the same way you knew you’re straight before you had sex with someone of the opposite gender!"


24. "My middle school principal told me I ‘wasn’t allowed’ to come out as nonbinary because it would ‘set me apart from the other students.'"


"I was 14 and had already set myself apart with my personal brand of weirdness. Also, it was none of his fucking business!"


25. "When I came out, my father told me that I was doing it because I was angry at him and I was just trying to get back at him."


"In hindsight, his narcissism was breathtaking. Yeah, I'm going to get back at you by doing something where if I hold my boyfriend's hand, I could get killed. I moved to the Dallas area 14 years ago and there were still men who were getting jumped at 2 a.m., some of them hospitalized and seriously injured. So right, Dad, that's how I'm going to get back at you."


26. "'Hey, it's okay that I wear leggings, right? You're not going to look at my butt?' —A female 'friend' who knows I'm a lesbian."


27. “'I don’t care if you’re gay. Just don’t shove it down my throat.'"


"I.e., just don’t mention anything, anything at all, about normal life."


"A classic is, 'I'm not anti-gay. I don't care what people do behind closed doors. I just don't want it thrown in my face.' (Translation: 'I want to be able to pretend same-sex couples don't exist because they make me uncomfortable.') Sorry to burst your bubble, Barbara, but you are, in fact, 100% anti-gay."


28. "I’ve also been told that I couldn’t be a lesbian because I like dresses, makeup, and the color pink."


29. "You look like a girl, so you can't be nonbinary."

United Artists Releasing


"Every time someone immediately assumes that appearance has to indicate gender identity. Nonbinary people don’t owe anyone androgyny, women don’t owe anyone femininity, and men don’t owe anyone masculinity. Just because I look one way to you doesn’t give you the right to disrespect the pronouns I’ve clearly stated that I prefer."


30. “'You probably have HIV.'”


"Said by my DOCTOR, simply because there were symptoms that my immune system was compromised. Spoiler alert, I did not have HIV but did almost have a heart attack after he said that. (I was in a monogamous relationship, didn’t use needles, and never had a blood transfusion.)"


31. "I'm asexual and the worst comment to me is always something along the lines of, 'Sex can fix that.'"

Channel 4

"Which implies both that I'm broken for not being sexually attracted to anyone and that corrective rape will somehow make me actually attracted to people. It's particularly bad for me because I've been in a relationship where the guy I was with did rape me to try to 'fix' me so whenever someone brings it up, it brings me back to that trauma."


32. “'Well, you chose that lifestyle so you have to accept how people feel about it.'”

the Martin Agency,

"Boomers think that when they use the word 'lifestyle,' they’re making a special effort to be tolerant and inoffensive. ... Being gay is not a choice."


33. "My Christian friend when I came out to her: 'I love you and support you. But it makes me sad to know you'll end up in hell.'"

The CW

34. "That being ace isn't a sexuality. It's a health condition and I should see a doctor to try to 'cure' it with medication and therapy."

35. “'I don’t think we can be friends anymore... I’m just worried you will try to turn me gay.'"

The CW


"Why do people think that being gay is contagious? Like, 'Oh no, we can't hang out. I'm going to catch the homo.' Well I hang out with plenty of straights and I didn't catch the hetero, now DID I, Steven?'"


36. "As an openly gay woman in the military, I once had a guy in my unit ask me if because I was gay, I felt that pedophiles deserved rights."


"He then said he 'didn’t understand why I was so offended' when I told him off, as if he didn’t just compare my loving consensual marriage to child abuse."


37. "I came out to my grandparents as a lesbian and the first thing my grandmother said was, 'So are you going to be more Ellen or Portia?'"

Universal Pictures

"Best part was when my grandfather responded with, 'What the hell does that mean, Barbara??'"


38. "I’m a pansexual woman engaged to a straight man. I get lots of comments about how I 'chose men.'”


"Straight people have congratulated me on 'figuring myself out' and fellow LGBTQ people have told me that I’m betraying my gay side by being with a man. I chose a person, not a gender, and it sucks that bi and pan erasure exist."


39. And finally..."That saying 'that’s gay' to things that were 'dumb' or 'stupid' shouldn’t offend me."


"Right, so you compare my sexuality to being dumb and I’m just not supposed to be mad?"


Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.

Looking for more ways to get involved? Check out all of BuzzFeed's posts celebrating Pride 2021.

Kevin Valente / BuzzFeed