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Jeans Suck, And It’s Time We All Admit It

Please, see the light.

Hey guys! Quick question!

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  1. Do you like jeans?

    Do you like jeans?

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Do you like jeans?
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Thanks for answering that!! Now, I need you to listen very carefully: if you checked yes, you are either A BIG FAT LIAR or in some SERIOUS denial, because jeans are terrible. This is just a fact.

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How dare they subject their children to such torture?

First of all, denim is the most uncomfortable fabric on the planet.

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This baby is crying because he is wearing what feels like wet cardboard.

Second of all, jeans are simply not made for human beings. Got thick thighs? Large calves? A small waist? JEANS WILL NOT FIT YOU. This makes shopping for jeans an absolute nightmare.

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If you can even figure out what size you are, since they're not standardized.

Even after you find a pair that fits, within weeks they'll look like this, because jeans are trash:

Sure, I guess they're fine if you're just standing there like a forgotten Sim. But if you want to do literally anything else besides standing, beware. They will push back.

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Want to bend over? I hope you've got a belt. Riding a bike? NOT TODAY! Sitting down?? You must be in the mood to pop a button!

Don't get me started on people who wear jeans to the gym, or even worse, SLEEP in these burlap sacks of torture.

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This is not what God intended.

"But Hannah, what about stretchy/skinny jeans?" you might be asking. "Those are comfy!"


I'm not mad at you. I'm just disappointed.

Skinny jeans are EVEN WORSE. Jeans are not one-size-fit-all, and denim is not meant to be stretchy. All skinny jeans do is cut off your circulation. Not to mention they're impossible to get on or off.

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You might as well paper mâché your legs. It'd be easier.

But worst of all? JORTS. Or, as I like to call them, denim diapers.

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I don't know what's going on here, but I'm scared.

Actually, I lied. The one thing worse than jorts? Jeans with holes so big they're basically JORTS IN DISGUISE.

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TL;DR: Jeans are horrible and if you like them you're wrong.


That's all. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.