93 Absolutely Hilarious Jokes In "A Very Potter Musical" That Any "Harry Potter" Fan Will Find Funny

    "Next year...I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!"

    It's been 12 years, and A Very Potter Musical is still one of the funniest things on the internet. And I'm done keeping quiet about it.

    I would know — I recently decided to rewatch it, and the entire thing had me in stitches. Here are 93 (yes, really, 93) of the absolutely funniest moments!

    1. When Harry was optimistic about the upcoming year:

    Harry singing "no way this year anyone's gonna die!"

    2. When the musical pointed out how messed up it was that the only Asian character was named Cho Chang:

    Ginny introduces herself to who she thinks is Cho, but who's actually Lavender

    3. When Draco was introduced in the best possible way:

    Hermione says they should leave the big baby childish jerks alone, and Draco walks in saying "did someone say draco malfoy?"

    4. And when he revealed his plans to transfer:

    Draco saying he's transferring to Pigfarts

    5. When Dumbledore entered and threw candy canes:

    Dumbledore tosses out candy canes and says "welcome hotties, nerds, and tools"

    6. And when he wasn't afraid to hide his favoritism toward Harry:

    Dumbledore says welcome, but especially to his favorite student Harry

    7. When the Sorting Hat was on vacation:

    Ginny asks if they're supposed to use the sorting hat, and Dumbledore says the sorting hat got hitched to the scarf of sexual preference

    8. When Dumbledore had a pretty simple sorting system:

    Dumbledore says he's been putting good guys in Gryffindor, bad guys in Slytherin, and the other 2 wherever they want

    9. When Snape did some foreshadowing that was not at all obvious:

    Snape asks what a portkey is and Hermione defines it - he then asks what foreshadowing is

    10. When Snape made a pointed comment at Ron:

    someone asks if a person can be a portkey, and snape says that's absurd because if someone touched themselves...then trails off and looks at Ron

    11. When Snape mentioned horcruxes way too early:

    Snape says a person can be a horcrux, and Harry asks what that is, but Snape says he'll find out soon enough

    12. When Quirrell shaded the plot of the entire fourth Harry Potter book:

    Quirrel says "sort of like the Triwizard tournament, except no...there are 4 houses, how can it be the triwizard tournament with 4 teams?"

    13. When Voldemort sneezed on the back of Quirrell's head:

    Voldemort sneezes, and Dumbledore asks Quirrell if his turban sneezed - he says it was a fart

    14. When Harry had the perfect comeback for Hermione:

    Hermione: "you're not invincible, Harry, someone died in this tournament" Harry: "Uhhh, I'm the boy that LIVED, not died"

    15. When Harry was Dumbledore's man through and through:

    Harry calls Dumbledore the "most awesomest, smartest, most practice, beautiful wizard"

    16. When Hermione was suspicious of Harry's name coming out of the cup and meanwhile made a joke about the show's small cast:

    Hermione: "And he just so happens to pick your name out of the House Cup out of hundreds, if not five, possible students?"

    17. When Ron called Neville "schlongbottom":

    Ron: "I do not want Schlongbottom to be my champion"

    18. When Hermione was trying to convince Dumbledore that Snape was trying to put Harry in danger, and Dumbledore wasn't having it:

    Dumbledore says Snape is kind, brave, and sexy, and is trying to kill Harry as much as he's trying to kill him - Snape then walks in holding a bomb

    19. When Dumbledore made this great pun:

    Hermione: "Is that sandwich ticking?" Dumbledore: "It looks like it's licking. Finger-licking good!"

    20. When Hermione asked what would happen if Harry dropped out of the tournament (a question that wasn't answered in the books) and Dumbledore made an incredible Ghostbusters reference:

    Dumbledore: "Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light" Hermione: "Total protonic reversal"

    21. When Malfoy entered like this:

    Malfoy rolling around the ground

    22. When Malfoy was really brave:

    Malfoy yells "not so fast! Crabbe, Goyle!" then runs under a bench and clutches it and says "not so tough now, are you potter?"

    23. When Hermione's curse was extremely literal:

    Hermione casts "jelly legs jinx" on Crabbe and Goyle and Goyle says "hey no fair, our legs are jelly!"

    24. When Ron wanted to set the record straight on him and Hermione:

    Hermione: "take back what you said about your stupid made-up space school" Ron: "Yeah, and all that stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend, that's not even a little bit true"

    25. When Quirrell tried to feed Voldemort water:

    26. When Voldemort needed some allergy meds:

    Quirrell: "I'm sorry, my lord. You sneezed!" Voldemort: "I know that! Get me some Nasonex, you swine!"

    27. When Voldemort decided they were past titles:

    Quirrell calls Voldemort his "dark king" and Voldemort says he can call him Voldemort, because he watches Quirrell wipe his butt daily and they've reached that point

    28. When Voldemort was picky about his sleeping position:

    Voldemort (with his head pushed into the pillow): "You gotta roll over, I can't sleep on my tummy"

    29. When Voldemort was bothered by Quirrell's messy room:

    Voldemort asks how long the clothes have been on his chair and Quirrell says since last night and Voldemort asks if he's planning on putting them in a hamper

    30. When Harry didn't want to prep for the tournament:

    Harry asks Hermione to prep for him, asking what she's doing now — she answers that she's doing his potions homework, and he says to do that first since it's due tomorrow

    31. When Harry decided to make his song for Cho informative as well as catchy:

    Harry: "I want to take you up to Winnipeg, THAT'S IN CANADA!"

    32. When Harry was a little more specific than he needed to be about Cho:

    Harry says Cho is far more attractive than any girl he knows in his immediate group of friends

    33. When Ron broke the fourth wall:

    Ron says he was backstage hanging with Hagrid

    34. When Harry made SURE we knew his dad was dead:

    Harry: "It was left to me by my dad. My dad that's dead. My father's dead. I have a dead father"

    35. When Voldemort encouraged Quirrell to have fun:

    Voldemort: "I may just be a parasite on the back of your head who's literally devouring your soul every time you take a breath,  but I can see that you're too good a guy not to have a little fun every once in a while"

    36. When Malfoy was a little confused about his feelings about Hermione:

    Malfoy says Hermione's the ugliest girl in school, then says on a scale of one to 10, he'd give her an 8

    37. When Harry, Ron, and Hermione were trying to figure out what the first task was, and Harry got worried that it was fighting a goat:

    Harry: "Oh my god, I have to fight a goat? I don't know if I can do that morally"

    38. When Ron reassured Harry about having to fight a dragon:

    Ron: "Maybe it won't be that bad, Harry. Maybe you'll just have to fight, like, Mushu from 'Mulan'"

    39. When Quirrell had a genius idea:

    Quirrell says maybe Voldemort is so evil because he never had fun, and Voldemort sarcastically replies "yeah, maybe"

    40. When Quirrell admitted his initial reaction to meeting Voldemort:

    Quirrell says he was nervous when Voldemort first demanded to attach himself to Quirrell's soul, and Voldemort says he could sense that

    41. When Voldemort came up with this impressive rhyme while drunk:

    Voldemort: "And I'm happy as a squirrel, as long as I'm with Mr. Quirrell!"

    42. When Harry, for the millionth time in his life, got dealt the worst hand:

    Dumbledore gives out dragons like "Puff the magic dragon" then gives Harry the terrifying Hungarian horntail

    43. When Ron unsuccessfully tried to reassure him:

    Ron: "Oh, my god, this thing is terrifying. I hope the real thing's smaller"

    44. When Harry tried to trade dragons with Malfoy and offered his Gushers:

    Harry says he'll give Malfoy his gushers, but Malfoy says he has fruit by the foot

    45. When Harry wasn't willing to give up his Bugles:

    Malfoy says if Harry throws in his Bugles, he has a deal, but Harry says no

    46. When Harry took things a little too seriously:

    Ginny cries and tells Ginny to forget it, and he replies "alright I will!"

    47. When Ron forgot to be supportive for a second:

    Harry says Cho is going to the Yule ball with Cedric and Ron gushes about how cute they are

    48. When Harry and Ron couldn't see the very simple solution in front of them while wondering who to ask to the Yule Ball:

    Ron says he can't ask his sister, and Harry says he sees Hermione as a sister so can't ask her — Ron says they're in a puzzle

    49. When Voldemort made this great pun:

    Voldemort: "Over the last year, I've really grown attached to you...no pun intended"

    50. When Voldemort wanted to hang out:

    Voldemort says they should make plans. Quirrell thinks he means evil plans, but Voldemort means roller blading

    51. When Harry couldn't stop calling Cedric a spare:

    Harry says Cedric is a spare guy he doesn't want around, and then someone comes in and says "kill the spare" and kills Cedric

    52. When Harry still couldn't put two and two together and deduce that Snape was a death eater:

    a death eater yells "detention potter" and harry says he's almost as much of an asshole as snape

    53. When Voldemort got his body back and did a whole tap dance number, then used Imperio to make Harry dance with him:

    54. When Voldemort tried to explain his betrayal of Quirrell by comparing it to teen film She's All That:

    Voldemort says it's like She's All That, where Freddie Prinze Jr. turns out to be good in the end

    55. When Ron just wanted to talk about Hermione, and was NOT here for Harry complaining about his Voldemort problems:

    Ron calls Harry self-absorbed, then says good luck with whatever he's talking about, and that he hopes Harry and Voldemort will live happily ever after

    56. When Hermione had this apt insult:

    Hermione tells Harry to drop the attitude because he's acting like Garfield on a monday

    57. When Harry was pretty blunt to Ginny:

    Ginny says they kissed at the Yule ball, and she thought they'd be together forever, but they're not, and Harry says that about sums it up

    58. When Harry tried to explain why he couldn't be with Ginny using the Spider-Man films:

    Harry says it's like Spider-Man, where Peter Parker and MJ can't be together, but Ginny says the point of Spider-Man 2 was that they could, and Harry says that all falls to shit in Spider-Man 3

    59. And shared his true feelings about Spider-Man 3:

    Harry: "Ginny, what I'm trying to say is...I don't want my life to be like 'Spider-Man 3.' I hated that movie"

    60. When the death eaters were doubtful of Snape's loyalty:

    death eaters: "I hear you had your Dark Mark laser surgically removed!"

    61. When Malfoy defected to the dark side and tried to make his own Dark Mark:

    Draco says "if this homemade dark mark won't convince you..." then shows a drawing of a smiley face with a snake coming out of its smile drawn in marker on his forearm

    62. When an Unbreakable Vow was literally just spitting on your hand and then shaking hands:

    Malfoy spitting on his hand

    63. When Dumbledore had a Zac Efron poster in his office:

    64. And was wearing a High School Musical shirt:

    65. When Harry and Dumbledore kept fighting over who loved Zac Efron the most:

    Harry: "You think you like him? Wrong! Because I love him the most. Harry Potter loves Zac Efron more than anybody else on the planet" Dumbledore: "This is not necessarily about Zefron — everybody knows that I like him the most — but..."

    66. When Harry called a horcrux-seeking medallion too convenient, and Dumbledore had this to say:

    Harry says it sounds too convenient and Dumbledore mentions that he didn't have a problem with a time turner

    67. When Dumbledore reminded the gang to stick together:

    Dumbledore: "What would Zac Efron say at a time like this? We're all in this together!"

    68. When Harry gave away their position because he couldn't resist arguing once again that he loved Zefron the most:

    Harry says everyone knows he likes Zefron the most, and Ron says shut up, but a death eater hears and says he wishes he could say it was him since he loves Zefron, but it wans't

    69. When Snape chastised Malfoy for not killing Dumbledore and took points from Gryffindor:

    Snape: "Coward! 10 points from Gryffindor!"

    70. When Fudge refused to believe Voldemort was back:

    Fudge says he still doesn't believe Voldemort is back, even as Voldemort kills him, saying it must be a heart attack

    71. When Voldemort had an interesting insult for Bellatrix when she called Quirrell a "peon":

    Voldemort: "He's not a peon! He's more of a man than you'll ever be."

    72. When Harry said he was too young to deal with all this:

    Harry: "None of you guys get it...I'm just a 12-year-old kid"

    73. When everyone finished "Not Alone," and Hermione wanted to move on:

    Hermione: "Alright, now that we got that four part harmony out of the way, why don't we look for that horcrux?"

    74. When Ron brought up these ideas for hiding a horcrux that were all better than what Voldemort actually did in the books:

    Ron: "If I had a horcrux, I would drop it in the bottom of the ocean. Or I would put it in a pyramid with King Tut and all of his jewels. Or I would blast it into space with a monkey who knew nothing about horcruxes"

    75. When Hermione suggested basically the plot of the seventh Harry Potter book, and Harry called it dumb:

    Hermione says horcruxes could be hidden in the mundane british countryside and their search could entail months of depressing camping, breaking into Gringotts, and drinking lots of polyjuice potion, but Harry says that's dumb

    76. When Malfoy came back to the good side and was a little jealous of not having a part in "Not Alone":

    Malfoy calls their song beautiful, saying he was working on his harmonies backstage but they wrapped it up before he could chime in

    77. When Malfoy tried to suggest that the Death Eaters getting into the castle wasn't his fault when it was literally the only reason they got in:

    Malfoy says "could you argue that this was my fault" doubtfully and everyone says "yes" so he agrees that that would be a safe argument

    78. When Harry gave Malfoy two options:

    Harry: "do you want to kick your own ass or should we do it for you?" Malfoy: "Oh, uh, well if you're giving me the option, I'll kick my own ass"

    79. When Hermione broke the fourth wall again:

    Hermione: "We will see if we can contact the Order of the Phoenix. We really haven't seen them the whole play"

    80. And so did Ron:

    Ron: "Hey Hermione, come here, come here. Come downstage"

    81. When Ron got a big confidence boost after kissing Hermione:

    Ron balling his fists and yelling and then saying "let's go kill voldemort!"

    82. When Harry refused to believe the Zefron poster was a horcrux:

    Harry says nothing related to Zac Efron could be evil, but then Voldemort's face pops out of the poster

    83. When the horcrux quoted High School Musical:

    horcrux: "You gotta get your head in the game, Weasley!"

    84. When Mrs. Weasley showed up to defeat the Death Eaters and revealed some sad news:

    Mrs. Weasley says she came with the Order of the Phoenix, including Lupin, Tonks, Mad-Eye, Fred, and Sirius, then says they're all dead

    85. When Snape revealed there was a seventh horcrux, and Ron was worried:

    Ron: "I really hope it's not an Ashley Tisdale poster, I can't do that"

    86. When Harry went off to sacrifice himself and chose not to hold back his feelings:

    Harry: "I love you all, except you, Draco, I can't fucking stand you"

    87. When Voldemort wasn't satisfied after killing Harry:

    Voldemort: "Yeah, it's great. I just thought it might make me feel less empty inside"

    88. When musical Dumbledore shaded book Dumbledore:

    Dumbledore: "Harry, it's time for you to learn all the things you should've known seven years ago which really would've helped you along the way"

    89. When Harry had the chance to ask an all-knowing person a question, and decided to ask how Lost ended — but not even Dumbledore could answer that:

    Harry asks if Dumbledore is clairvoyant, and Dumbledore says yeah, so Harry asks how Lost ends — Dumbledore says there are questions even he can't answer

    90. When Malfoy was sick of being a good guy:

    Malfoy: "Come on, I'm tired. Can't we just be death eaters?"

    91. When Ron was a little too eager to sacrifice himself for Harry:

    Voldemort asks who Harry will use as a human shield this time, and Ron walks forward before being called back by Hermione

    92. When Voldemort got mad at the piano player for making him emotional:

    Harry asks Voldemort if there's anyone he misses or anything he regrets, and sad music plays as Voldemort starts to say yes, then he yells no and points his wand at the piano player

    93. And finally, when Voldemort had a sad realization:

    Voldemort: "And that...you think killing people might make them like you, but it doesn't. It just makes people dead"

    Did I miss any of your favorite moments? Let me know in the comments below!