People Are Sharing Marriage Advice That May Sound A Bit Absurd At First, But Is Actually Really Helpful In The Long Run
"I always thought it was ridiculous advice until recently, when my wife and I needed a new one. I'll be damned if it wasn't one of the best decisions we have ever made."
There's no beating around the bush: Marriage is no walk in the park — and any great relationship takes work. So Redditor u/thecountnotthesaint asked, "What random marriage advice sounded absurd but was actually spot on helpful?" Here's what people had to say.
1."Marry your best friend — the person you like to have random conversations with, who interests you, who makes you laugh a lot. Marry the one you can spend all your time with, the one who will support you in tough times and good times. That is 'the one'."
2."My father always said that the best thing he and my mother did for their marriage was get a king-sized bed. I always thought it was ridiculous advice until recently, when my wife and I needed a new bed. We spent the extra money on a king, and I'll be damned if that wasn't one of the best decisions we have made. The extra room is amazing: We can snuggle or have some space, and when our kids try and get in bed, there's enough room that no one is getting a foot to the face."
5."Decide whether or not a fight is really worth having. Think: 'If it doesn't matter tomorrow, does it really matter today?'"
6."My grandfather told me, 'Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink.' What I learned is that he would always help my grandma (both with the dishes and other chores), and during these mundane tasks was when they did most of their talking."
9."'Don’t worry about what other people think is 'normal.' I’ve been married for almost 20 years, and this piece of insight has made all the difference. You don't need to conform to society’s standards. Do what works for you and your partner in a marriage."
10."Have separate duvets or blankets on the same bed. I can wrap myself up nice and snug, and she can move around all night without bothering me."
13."It is ok to go to bed angry. Everyone says not to go to bed angry, but sometimes, a night of sleep is exactly what you need. Sleeping on an argument can change your perspective and help with resolution."
14."Remember: You don't just marry [them]...you marry [their] whole damn family."
15."'The little things that annoy you now are the things you'll miss one day.' My stepmom recently passed away, and my dad told me this piece of advice that profoundly changed my attitude. The constant annoyances — leaving the toilet bowl up or not washing globs of toothpaste from the sink — are the things that will leave the biggest void. Don't nag about the little things. Rather, embrace them."
16."On our wedding day, my father-in-law said, 'Always remember it's the two of you against the problem, not you two against one another.' It's been great advice, especially when we disagree. Focusing on this piece of advice has calmed a lot of arguments over the years."
17."It's totally OK to sleep in separate beds...or even separate rooms if that's what works for you. I am not going to be a good partner if I only get four hours of sleep because I was listening to him snore all night, or if jobs require different sleeping schedules and you take a while to get to sleep."
18."Marry them for who they are now. Not for their potential."
19."The advice I was given is: 'If you can go grocery shopping with your person and have a great time, you have yourself a keeper.' I've been married for 15 years, and I give this same advice to other couples. A marriage is all about making the best of the mundane experiences. After years of being together, life becomes predictable. You’ll need to keep things fun, regardless of what you’re doing."
20."'Never ask your partner to make a sacrifice for you that you wouldn’t make for them if the roles were reversed."
21."'If you're wrong, admit it, apologize, and shut up. And no matter how right you are about something, just stay silent and let her rattle. She'll run out of steam eventually.' My dad gave me this advice, and he's been happily married for 40 years."
22."Most of the time you spend together is going to be non-sexual, so the most important thing is to be best friends. Otherwise, it won't last."
23."The point of arguing is not to win. It's to understand where they’re coming from and why this issue matters to them."
24."'The grass is greener when you water it.' This one always stuck with me. Your relationship is what you make of it, and it will be happier if you put love and effort into it."
25."My grandma's advice to me was that looks fade, so marry someone who you love talking to."
26."Gratitude is not a balancing act. Don't just be grateful for the 'extra' things your spouse does; be grateful for every single thing. You can shop for food, prepare it, cook it, clear the table, and load the dishwasher. But if your partner empties the dishwasher, thank them for it and feel it."
27."Know each other's love language. And your own! You could pour your heart into something that you would appreciate receiving (whether it's gifts, time, conversation, touch, etc.) and have it fall flat because your partner responds more naturally to something else."
28."Retain your individuality and have separate hobbies even after you're married. Have time apart. Have separate activities. This will allow you to have experiences you can talk about and share with each other. It will give you time apart so you don't feel smothered."
