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All The Weird Shit That Happened On Day One Of The Republican National Convention, Explained For British People

A tale of chaos and scandal at Day One of the Republican National Convention.

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As you may have heard, this week is the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, Ohio.

John Moore / Getty Images

Remember the US presidential election? Yeah, that's still going. Like, it's kind of only just starting.

See, the nomination can't be made ~official~ until all the delegates from each state have gathered together to do their mysterious delegate work.

Win Mcnamee / Getty Images

If you're currently wondering "What the fuck is a delegate?", catch up on the wonders of the US primaries system here.



Robyn Beck / AFP / Getty Images

Michelle Obama, aka the first lady of the United States, aka the wife of President Obama, who Trump is, uh, not a fan of.

And it's not just a few words that seem to be copied โ€“ it's loads of it.

The similarities between Michelle Obama's 2008 DNC speech & Melania Trump's #RNCinCLE. First noticed by @JarrettHill

This actually happened! This happened!

Where did this happen? It happened in real life! Jesus!


What's more, the copied section was a section about hard work, because it's 2016 and irony is dead.


Though tbf every student can tell you that good plagiarism can be hard work in and of itself.

Thankfully the Trump press team has been very forthcoming with a solid explanation.

Campaign releases statement on Melania's speech, says writers "included fragments that reflected her own thinking"

See, the words she used were simply "common words".

The Trump campaign explains Melania's plagiarism.

Who doesn't wake up every day and tell their children around the breakfast table that your word is your bond and that the only limit to the height of your achievements is the reach of your dreams?

It's just like saying "please pass the milk".


And as New Jersey governor and Trump fanboy Chris Christie has pointed out, it doesn't count as plagiarism if she only copied 7% of it.

Plagiarism? "Not when 93% of the speech is completely different than Michelle Obamaโ€™s speech." -@GovChristie

Everyone knows that.

But of course, we can't really blame her. Because, you see, we were raised with so many of the same values as Melania.

John Moore / Getty Images

That you work hard for what you want in life; that your word is your bond and you do what you say you're going to do; that you treat people with dignity and respect.

Furthermore, we want our children โ€“ and all children in this nation โ€“ to know that the only limit to the height of your achievements is the reach of your dreams and your willingness to work for them.

Robyn Beck / AFP / Getty Images

That's what our husband, Barack, has always hoped to teach our beautiful daughters, Sasha and Malia.

In any case, who can stay mad at Melania when she managed to deliver an unironic rickroll like this:

I thought the thing about Melania Trump's speech including a Rickroll was a joke. Watched the video. IT'S REAL.


Somewhere at Trump HQ, a speechwriter is crying out for help.

My truther theory: Melania's speechwriter slipped in a Rickroll to let us know they were tanking it on purpose.

But anyway. Melania wasn't the only story of the day at the RNC.

Andrew Caballero-reynolds / AFP / Getty Images

Remember, this is 2016 โ€“ you don't get to have just ONE totally surreal news story a day.

There was also a failed last-ditch attempt to prevent Trump becoming the nominee by forcing a roll call vote (idk what this means) to change the rules that force delegates to vote a certain way.

Chip Somodevilla / Getty Images

Remember, in the US people don't actually vote for Republican primary candidates, but for delegates who rock up to the convention and go: "I totally vote for this person that people voted for me to vote for."

(It's a similar system to the electoral college, a whole other shitshow you can read about here.)

So anyway, these anti-Trump delegates had a bit of a yell and a strop, but it didn't work beyond creating some good old-fashioned confusion and chaos, so things are proceeding as planned.


Also, Willie Robertson was there โ€“ he's one of the stars of a reality TV show about a family's pursuit of the American dream by hunting ducks: Duck Dynasty.

The duck-hunting gentleman said he had three things in common with Mr Trump: "We're both successful businessmen...we both have had hit television shows, and we both have intelligent wives who are much better-looking than we are."

Willie Robertson says he and Trump have "3 things in common" #GOPConvention

"It's been a rough year for the media experts," he added. "It must be humbling to be so wrong about so much for so long."

I mean, yes.


Later on, former mayor of New York City Rudy Giuliani had a bit of a yell.

His speech had all of the hallmarks of great political oratory, including shouting and arm-waving.

Rudy Giuliani: "What I did for New York, Donald Trump will do for America" #GOPConvention

"There is no black America, there is no white America, there is just AMERRRRIIIICCCAAAA," he screamed to an audience of mostly white people.

He also dished out some sick burns about Hillary Clinton, saying: "Who would trust Hillary Clinton to protect them? I wouldn't. Would you?" Which led Clinton to tweet this retaliatory sick burn:

Republicans have a lot of nice things to sayโ€”when it's not an election year. Thanks, Mayor Giuliani. #RNCinCLE

๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿ˜ญ

Whether or not they agreed with his rhetoric, people were very impressed by Giuliani's speechwriter.

Great job by Giuliani's speechwriter.


Elsewhere in the convention centre, the women's activist group Code Pink, who don't like Donald Trump very much at all, made an appearance.

Jeff Swensen / Getty Images

Meanwhile this nice man took the opportunity to cleanse the protester's aura.

Texas Congressman Michael McCaul made an ill-fated attempt at kicking off a "USA! USA!" chant.

This USA chant from McCaul is...something

Oh dear.

And Wisconsin Sheriff David Clarke said "blue lives matter", to huge applause.

Wisconsin Sheriff David Clarke: "I would like to make something very clear: Blue Lives Matter." #RNCinCLE

Republicans care deeply about blue lives.



๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ #cleveland #RNCinCLE


"Your brother's a masturbator! The last woman you slept with is a whore!" Y'all. I'm tired. #RNCinCLE

And, of course, protesters.