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    25 Victorian Children Having A Worse Christmas Than You

    "Oh Hortense, how I do love Christmas Day, in spite of Mother's wailing."

    1. This miserable-ass herald of a happy fucking new year.

    2. These dead-eyed children singing carols in the hopes of collecting enough change to afford a warm meal.

    3. This girl enjoying how the snow makes her hands numb, which distracts her from her eternal malaise.

    4. This little boy who's been left in the snowy woods because his family couldn't afford to keep him anymore.

    5. This miserable boy just hanging out with his headless dolls.


    6. This soaking wet loser who will almost definitely come down with tuberculosis after these poshos are done ridiculing him.

    7. This kid who can't get a moment's rest from his fucking reindeer.

    "Oh, for fuck's sake."

    8. All of these children, each one more miserable than the last.

    "Oh, how we do love Christmas."

    "Oh yes, I do love Christmas, just as my mother once did."

    "Before she died of consumption on Christmas Day."

    9. This little girl whose only friend is a fucking red squirrel.

    10. And this lonesome boy whose penny whistle can't drown out the wailing of his widowed mother.

    11. This little girl being forced to do some Victorian-ass vacuuming on Christmas Day.

    "Fuck the patriarchy."

    12. These children sent out into the cold by the master of their workhouse.

    "If we murder Old Jeremiah Halfpenney, we will never chop wood again."

    "And a merry murder it shall be."

    "A murder most merry and bright."

    13. These kids dressed up like idiots.

    14. This little boy only enjoying Christmas because he's off his fucking nut.

    "I can taste colours!"

    15. This poor piece of shit being kidnapped by a pervy-ass Santa.


    16. The girl trapped under the mistletoe with this sneaky fucker.

    "Isn't it bad enough that my entire family died of cholera?"

    17. This servant boy spending his Christmas day serving a massive Christmas pudding to a family of wealthy bellends.

    18. These dead-ass ghost children having a miserable fucking time in the afterlife.

    19. This lead-poisoned boy about to be sick on his only friend's toy boat.

    20. These sisters pretending to feed birds in order to escape the wrath of their drunken father.

    21. These kids collecting wood so that they don't freeze to death in their beds.

    22. These kids experiencing whatever the fuck's happening here.

    23. This rich bastard who's terrified he'll be made to do a piano recital after dinner.

    "But I haven't had enough time to practice, Mother."

    24. This pair going for a miserable-ass Christmas walk.

    "Perhaps the coming year shall bring us less misfortune, James."

    "Perhaps it shall, Winifred."

    "Or, James, perhaps we shall be more miserable still."

    25. And finally, this kid riding a butterfly to escape her miserable-ass existence.