25 Victorian Children Having A Worse Christmas Than You
"Oh Hortense, how I do love Christmas Day, in spite of Mother's wailing."
1. This miserable-ass herald of a happy fucking new year.
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2. These dead-eyed children singing carols in the hopes of collecting enough change to afford a warm meal.
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3. This girl enjoying how the snow makes her hands numb, which distracts her from her eternal malaise.
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4. This little boy who's been left in the snowy woods because his family couldn't afford to keep him anymore.
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"I'm ever so cold, mother...mother?"
5. This miserable boy just hanging out with his headless dolls.
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"END MY MISERY, MASTER."
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6. This soaking wet loser who will almost definitely come down with tuberculosis after these poshos are done ridiculing him.
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RIP this loser.
7. This kid who can't get a moment's rest from his fucking reindeer.
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"Oh, for fuck's sake."
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8. All of these children, each one more miserable than the last.
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"Oh, how we do love Christmas."
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"Oh yes, I do love Christmas, just as my mother once did."
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"Before she died of consumption on Christmas Day."
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9. This little girl whose only friend is a fucking red squirrel.
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10. And this lonesome boy whose penny whistle can't drown out the wailing of his widowed mother.
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11. This little girl being forced to do some Victorian-ass vacuuming on Christmas Day.
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"Fuck the patriarchy."
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12. These children sent out into the cold by the master of their workhouse.
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"If we murder Old Jeremiah Halfpenney, we will never chop wood again."
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"And a merry murder it shall be."
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"A murder most merry and bright."
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13. These kids dressed up like idiots.
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14. This little boy only enjoying Christmas because he's off his fucking nut.
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"I can taste colours!"
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15. This poor piece of shit being kidnapped by a pervy-ass Santa.
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"Shiiiiiiiit."
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16. The girl trapped under the mistletoe with this sneaky fucker.
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"Isn't it bad enough that my entire family died of cholera?"
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17. This servant boy spending his Christmas day serving a massive Christmas pudding to a family of wealthy bellends.
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18. These dead-ass ghost children having a miserable fucking time in the afterlife.
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19. This lead-poisoned boy about to be sick on his only friend's toy boat.
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20. These sisters pretending to feed birds in order to escape the wrath of their drunken father.
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21. These kids collecting wood so that they don't freeze to death in their beds.
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"Move quickly, Mary, or we shall never wake to see Christmas Day."
"That wouldn't be a very Happy Christmas at all, John."
22. These kids experiencing whatever the fuck's happening here.
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RIP these kids.
23. This rich bastard who's terrified he'll be made to do a piano recital after dinner.
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"But I haven't had enough time to practice, Mother."
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24. This pair going for a miserable-ass Christmas walk.
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"Perhaps the coming year shall bring us less misfortune, James."
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"Perhaps it shall, Winifred."
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"Or, James, perhaps we shall be more miserable still."
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25. And finally, this kid riding a butterfly to escape her miserable-ass existence.
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"Buhbyyyye."