1. I am a strong, independent woman, and I work hard for what I have, so I'm gonna take a lovely bath to soothe my tired, hard-working body.
2. I will put bubbles in this bath, because I am a queen.
3. The bubbles will have a pleasant scent, because I've earned it.
4. Right, no point in watching this bathtub fill up slowly, may as well go figure out what to drink.
5. People are always having champagne in the bath, but what am I, rich?
6. Wine it is. Gotta go grab some wine.
7. Ooh, what's that on TV? I'll just watch a couple minutes.
8. OH GOD I LEFT THE BATH RUNNING AND IT'S PROBABLY FLOODED EVERYTHING.
9. Oh, it's only half full. Hmm.
10. Why are the bubbles only forming on one side of the bath?
11. You always see in films and on TV baths so bubbly that like, the audience at home can't even tell the actor is fully naked. Such an even spread. The magic of the cinema.
12. Great, this is full enough, time for the ~moment of entry~.
13. Juuuust a foot first...
14. EVERYTHING BURNS OH GOD GET OUT GET OUT.
15. Gonna add a lil' cold water to that because I don't actually like the feeling of fire against my skin.
16. Ok this should be juuuust right….
17. Wait now this is too cold. Bit more hot water.
18. Ok bit more cold.
19. Ok bit more hot.
20. Just, fuckin', right. I am a bath genius. Time to hop right in this bad boy.
23. Oh god it's so nice having a body sometimes.
24. I wonder if someday I'll be a brain floating in a jar? But at least my brain would be taking a bath in preservative fluids. I guess.
25. Right do I want my knees or my upper body to be in the water?
26. If I pick my upper body it will probably feel really nice but also I don't want my knees to feel bad. I value my knees. I don't want them to be cold.
27. They can take turns.
28. Ok, so when they say "don't throw the baby out with the bathwater," like, in what scenario would you not notice that there is a BABY IN YOUR BATHWATER?
29. Like, are you not supervising your INFANT CHILD having a bath?
30. People, man.
31. My boobs look great.
32. Tee hee, floaty.
33. I wonder if my toe could fit inside the tap.
34. Tee hee, it does.
35. Belly buttons will never not be strange.
36. Hmm...what now?
37. I wonder if I could check my phone without getting it all wet.
38. Nope, turns out I can't.
39. Hmmm that's definitely mould growing in the corner there.
40. Push the mould from your mind. It's not mould time. It's pleasure time.
41. My skin looks excellent covered in water. Nice colour, nice glow. Maybe I should always be covered in water.
42. Wait, why didn't I light any candles?
43. If I get out the bath to go find candles I'm gonna drip water all over my house.
44. YOLO though.
45. OH GOD IT'S SO COLD OUTSIDE THE BATH.
46. OH GOD WHAT IF I SLIP AND DIE AND THEY FIND MY NAKED WET BODY THREE DAYS LATER.
47. Back in the bath back in the bath back in the bath back in the bath back in the bath back in the bath back in the bath back in the bath back in the bath back in the bath.
49. I should take baths every day.
50. Ok, there's no way that both Chandler and Monica could have fit in a regular-sized bath at the same time in that one episode of Friends.
51. Especially not with her fully underwater. I mean you couldn't fit ONE person fully under water in here.
52. And there would just never be enough bubbles to cover her up. Joey would DEFINITELY see her.
53. I miss Friends.
54. Ooh, my skin's gone all funny. I think I learned why that happens in science class when I used to sit next to Johnny F.?
55. I wonder what Johnny F. is up to nowadays, the stud.
56. Must resist urge to look at phone.
57. This bath is kind of cold now.
58. Yeah I'm 100% over this bath.
59. Baths are kinda overrated tbh.
60. How is one expected to rinse when the bath water is all full of your previous layers of soap and shampoo?
62. I guess I'll just take a shower.