9 Things It's Still OK To Love Now That Tennis Is Ruined

Professional tennis has stabbed you in the heart. What can you love now?

1. Roger Federer's elegant forelock

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Whatever happens in the coming weeks, Roger's forelock is still graceful and pure. This perfect, boyish swish of hair will never rip out our hearts, throw them in the dirty, spit on them, and stamp them into a mushy, muddy, bloody, reeking wreck.

2. Croquet

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Let's face it, no one's gonna bother match-fixing croquet any time soon. Tennis was your wild and exciting lover – but you can trust croquet. You can settle down with croquet, raise a few kids, and have someone to talk to when you're old.

3. The smell of freshly cut grass (unless it's tennis grass)

https://www.flickr.com/photos/ugardener/3327284813/in/photolist-652cRx-26tgm6-eq2ypF-oATwcB-bE1CBa-nP9wPr-77qdVR-mKZGJX-7VA5GV-iG8WfD-swgknz-oSCpe2-qB5324-6rcr7C-crFFmJ-g2vZn-zRTaBz-xH7y9s-nAG2Tn-rDmi6R-eCLu8-oxWPAH-cWPRZ7-853qwr-cmTmZw-ocBeuC-nYE9bq-fjDPwP-4Rms8J-JCbgR-p5Nhuo-qyjk5z-4G5fW-xXcoZw-8t6iZs-aqbfS7-qqirmo-6At8Wv-41zYAP-2DHFw2-cD9nS1-7ZprW5-7S3KZA-fWDHxp-8GQz7E-6NMeMh-ddRq7G-aChtRo-84k8wc-rnAkyJ / Creative Commons

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It's still OK to enjoy the smell of freshly cut grass. Unless it's on a grass tennis court. In which case it's a stench that emanates from the deepest pits of hell. The breath of the devil. The miasma of a rotting soul.

4. Golden retrievers

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Golden retrievers are still pure. Golden retrievers are still good. Golden retrievers would never purposefully throw their first set and make you realise that everything you loved as a child is a lie. Because golden retrievers are very good doggies.

5. The mighty oak tree

Lee Haywood / Via Flickr: leehaywood

Strong, verdant, and noble – the mighty oak tree has withstood the test of time, uncorrupted. Proudly it stands beside the glassy lake, unbending to those who might sully its sturdy character.

6. Strawberries and cream

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Despite their association with Wimbledon, strawberries and cream taste nothing like the cynical abandonment of honour.

7. The laughter of children

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It's still OK to love the laughter of children. Children who have not yet realised that there's no such thing as heroes. Children who have not yet grown up to be corrupted by the filth of the world.

8. The first green shoots of spring

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It's still OK to love the first green shoots of spring. A small sign of the rebirth of the earth at the end of a long winter, like the relief that comes after bitter crying.

9. Serena Williams' breezy demeanour

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Oh, Serena, bless us with your relaxed, casual smile. Wrap us warmly in your exceptional aura, where we will be strong and safe, and don't let go until we've finished weeping.