This week, the Democratic Party gathered in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, for a very special task...
President Obama asking Hillary Clinton to go to prom with him!
And she said yes!
Anyway, all this came the week after the Republican Convention (where Donald Trump officially became the nominee), which was widely seen as a bit of a disaster for various reasons.
So that's pretty blatant, right?
As a result, you'd expect the Democrats to seize the chance to put on a show of unity, dignity, and basic competence that would put the Republicans to shame, right? LOL.
BREAKING NEWS Following the latest email scandal, the DNC says everything is totally great we are a unified party...
You see, not everybody in the Democratic Party is entirely on board with Clinton as their nominee.
Everything is fine.
These lads, for example, are less than keen.
This has been pretty clear since June, when Clinton officially won enough delegates in the state-by-state primaries to secure the nomination — beating her more left-wing rival, Bernie Sanders (aka American Jeremy Corbyn without a beard).
At the convention, Bernie Sanders himself was pretty chill about it, being all gracious and doing this sort of procedural thingy where he said they should blah blah rules delegates rules delegates blah blah select Clinton as the nominee.
Bernie Sanders takes the mic: "I move that Hillary Clinton be selected as the nominee of the Democratic Party." https://t.co/4AHrFQ2m5m
"The spirit of unity" blah blah.
The trouble was, despite Sanders's efforts to get his supporters to throw their weight behind Clinton, a lot of his supporters aren't really over it.
This is like watching a guy break up with 100,000 people. #DemsInPhilly
This person, for example.
(Girl, how does your eyeliner still look this good? If you're reading this, please explain your makeup routine in the comments.)
Or this guy, who people were making fun of on the internet until it turned out that he once SAVED A WOMAN FROM A BURNING CAR and kind of sounds like marriage material?
Basically, there are still lots of people so pumped up by so many months of "feeling the Bern" that they aren't about to give up on that sweet insurgent leftist movement feeling.
Iowa delegate @chris_laursen: “Bernie basically fed us a bunch of Mountain Dew and now he wants us to go to bed. It’s not going to happen.”
A girl never forgets her first insurgent leftist movement.
Adding fuel to these Bern-ing feelings was that the weekend before the convention even began, there was a massive hack of Democratic National Committee emails showing they basically favoured Clinton during the primaries. (The DNC is like the organising body of the Democratic Party and is supposed to remain impartial during the primaries and let the process run its course, etc...)
bernie: THE SYSTEM IS RIGGED constituents: YEAHHHHH [two months later] constituents: THE SYSTEM IS RIGGED bernie: now hold on a second
The leak came from everyone's favourite party poopers, Wikileaks, but the hacking was probs done by everyone's favourite Russians, the Russians.
Clinton's campaign manager has even claimed that the Russians are deliberately trying to help Donald Trump. Drama! Such d r a m a!
This led to the resignation of DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz on the first day of the convention.
It also led to Donald Trump asking Russia — SARCASTICALLY, HE SAYS — to hack Clinton's emails, too.
“Of course I was being sarcastic,” Donald Trump says about his open request to Russia to hack Clinton’s emails. https://t.co/oWfntvqzzB
Asking Russia to hack Clinton! lol can u imagine
Anyway, some Bernie supporters went all "Bernie or bust" and are refusing to support the Democratic nominee. Some of them are even planning to vote for Trump instead.
I hear you, Sanders supporters who plan to vote Trump. One time I asked for Coke but they only had Pepsi, so I set fire to my head.
Sounds legit.
They were determined to make a stand and to express their deeply held belief that their democratic rights had been trampled on.
Outside City Hall at the Bernie rally a giant joint that says "Berned by the DNC"
So naturally, they held a "fart in".
"This is America's first fart in... I'm hoping we don't have to have many more silent but deadly experiences."
This is what democracy looks like.
Large group of bike officers just rolled up and formed a line about 30 yards from the fart in.
Yeah, I mean, we don't really get it either, but I'm sure there was a really great message amongst all those farts.
#ABreakUpIsBadWhen you end up booing the nominee of your own party and holding a fart-in.
Right. So what else happened in Philly?
#philly
Lots of things!
A mega-old 102-year-old woman, born before women could vote in the US, got to announce Arizona's delegate votes for Hillary Clinton, and it made people emosh.
In the year of her birth, women were still fighting for the right to vote. If you think I'm not crying you're wrong.
President Obama spoke and doled out some sick burns about Donald Trump, saying he has "no regard for working people" and that he's "not really a facts guy".
Barack throws shade smoother than anybody in the history of politics.
Same.
Joe Biden was Joe Biden.
Joe Biden should've pulled two beers out the podium and ended his speech like this
And will always be Joe Biden.
We know that in three years someone is going to find Joe Biden still in the White House, drinking beer in the vents, listening to Zeppelin.
The convention got to hear from the NEW Joe Biden, Clinton's pick for vice president, Tim Kaine, aka the former governor and current senator for Virginia, aka America's Forgettable Uncle.
Bill Clinton spoke about his and Hillary's many years together, with a few, uh, exceptions.
Bill is skipping some things that happened between 1995-1998.
😬
He also got a big balloon.
bill: hey hill check this out hillary hey hillary hill hey hillary check this out hillary look what i hill hillary
In fact, it turns out Bill Clinton bloody loves balloons.
And Michelle Obama slayed.
*ugly-cries again* #DemsInPhilly
Everyone is really looking forward to hearing Michelle's beautiful words again when Melania Trump makes her next speech!
So what happens now that the conventions are over, other than more tender hugs like this one?
Well, even though you have been hearing about this race for OVER A YEAR, turns out it's BARELY JUST STARTING! Yay! Ha ha. Yay.
this convention is like Twitter: some really great, inspiring, thought-provoking stuff and also men yelling
In the coming weeks we'll see dearest Donald and lovely Hillary turn fix their steely gazes firmly on one another, and start the real Republican vs Democrat shit.
Their first head-to-head TV debate will be Monday 26 September, and I'm sure it will be very amicable.
Until then, have fun at prom, guys!
