1.
When you stub the fuck out of your toe but you're on a date with a 10 so you pretend you're fine.
2.
When your parents forget to pick you up after school and you have to walk home.
3.
When you're trying on a daring new outfit and your friends are really supportive when you come out the fitting room.
4.
When the guy you hate at work gives a presentation that you thought was gonna suck but it was actually OK.
5.
When your friend hits on your crush even though they knew.
6.
When you thought the date went well and moved in for the kiss but they were definitely not on the same page.
7.
When you gotta fart in a meeting so you try to cover up the sound with a little clearing of your throat but you're worried it won't be enough.
8.
When fucking Greg takes a second hotdog even though he knew you hadn't had one yet and now there are no more hotdogs.
9.
When you walk into your brother's room to ask him something and he's masturbating wildly.
10.
When you miss your train 'cause you were too cool to run through the station and also you kinda need to take a shit.
11.
When you decide to buy a salad for lunch and then your co-worker gets a delicious burger and you realise your huge mistake.
12.
When your boss thanks you for bringing him coffee in front of your colleagues and now you look like a suck-up.
13.
When you sit down on a toilet seat and it's kinda wet.
14.
When you get a shitty gift.
15.
When you're playing Monopoly and it was going well but then you landed on a hotel.
16.
When there's a sudden, slight pain in your chest and you remember that death is inevitable.
17.
When you're standing in front of a bunch of people and don't know what to do with your hands.
18.
When someone says a racist joke and you pretend you didn't hear them.
19.
When you walk into the shower and there's a giant spider on the wall.
20.
When you get too high.
21.
When Greg texted to say he didn't want to go out tonight but then you see him in the club.
22.
And it pisses you off cause that guy's a jerk and this isn't the first time he's done this.
23.
When you meet your ex's new partner at a party and shake hands with them and your ex is obviously loving it.
24.
When you're just crying really, really hard and your throat makes a weird noise.
25.
When you see a hottie on the train so you stare at them in the window reflection.
26.
When stupid Greg doesn't understand the difference between the elves of Rivendell and the elves of Lórien.
27.
When the meaninglessness of it all consumes you with sadness.
28.
And when you have a naughty secret.
