1. Going shopping gives you major anxiety, so you try shop as infrequently as possible.
"I feel like the walls are closing in."
2. Which means you wear your shoes way, way into the ground.
3. And you'd rather keep wearing jeans with a hole in the crotch than have to buy new ones.
4. You’d rather improvise than have to go shopping for weather-appropriate clothing.
5. But eventually, you have to suck it up and go.
And it's the worst.
6. When that day comes, you make a sad face.
Like this one.
7. Everything in the shop makes you irrationally angry.
8. You hate the store, and the store hates you.
9. You hate the things for sale, and they hate you right back.
10. The music makes you feel like you have been dragged to a rave against your will.
11. The crowds make you deeply unhappy.
12. You walk around wondering if you just don't understand fashion nowadays.
13. After about 10 minutes in the store, you just can't face it anymore.
14. You want to get out of there as quickly as possible, so you just grab everything that could possibly fit you.
15. But as soon as you're in the fitting room, everything sucks.
Everything sucks and you hate it. It's all the worst.
16. Nothing fits you.
17. Clothes that looked cute on the hanger no longer make sense.
18. You secretly fear that someone is watching you on a security camera in the fitting room.
19. Yes, the store's employees are definitely judging you.
20. The lights in the fitting room make you look like an ashen-faced monster while you try stuff on.
21. So the fitting room quickly turns into a cage of self-loathing and despair.
22. Pulling clothes over your head makes your hair go all static-y.
23. You wonder what bacteria are lurking on the fitting room floor.
24. Sometimes you just try things on in the middle of the store.
And then you hate yourself.
25. You have never, ever taken a fitting room selfie.
Or if you have, you have never shared it on social media.
26. Nor have you ever flung oversized shopping bags over your shoulder while smiling like a maniac.
27. Basically, the experience of shopping makes you despair at the human condition as a whole, and causes you to plummet into an existential malaise.
28. For this reason, you have turned to internet shopping. But it turns out you’re also really bad at internet shopping.
29. You don’t know any of your own sizes.
30. In fact, you fundamentally don’t understand how sizes work, at all.
31. So you always get the wrong size.
32. And, of course, you can't afford anything.
33. Basically, you look forward to the day when we all have to wear government-issued space jumpsuits.
