1. An unlucky-in-love student at King's College:
2. A scandalised fellow in the buttery of St John's College:
"The top of my Creme Brûlée hasn't been adequately crystallised. Do you think I could exchange it for another one?"
3. A parent to a toddler in Corpus Christi College's Old Court:
"If you want to go on the grass, you'll have to go to school for a very very long time."
4. A student with a real dilemma in Peterhouse:
5. At a formal hall:
Student A: "What's the name of that fruit?"
Student B: "It's a physalis."
Student C: "Isn't it just a gooseberry?"
Student B: "Oh, I don't know, I only know the Latin word for it.
6. A first year English student in the University Library:
"You know, I think the only thing that would stop me from selling my soul for eternal youth is that I'll probably age *really* well."
7. Some poor soul in the thick of exams:
8. A keen political mind in Newnham College:
"If you can't use your own JCR to watch Eurovision there's something deeply wrong with neoliberal capitalism."
10. A dejected philosopher in the dining hall:
11. A fresher in the midst of exams:
"Does anyone remember the last time they were praised for their work?"
12. In an email from a superviser to students:
"If you ever have an existential question about past tenses in the middle of the night, you can send me an email."
13. Overseen in the library at Trinity College:
14. Somewhere in Christ's College:
"Work is the macrophage and I the pathogen. It's engulfed and destroyed me."
15. Somebody pleased with their recent purchase:
"I'm so happy because I'll finally be able to drink port from an actual port glass instead of having to use one of my cognac glasses!"
16. Someone dissing Loveday in the cafe at Jesus College:
17. A conversation between two alumni:
"God, this whole conversation is so the masculine accusative singular present participle of "to go" in Ancient Greek."
"It's banta." (βαντα)"
19. A concerned student at St John's:
20. At an unknown society's dinner:
"Ughhhh the main is venison. I've had it twice in the last week, I don't want it again!"
21. An exchange between two serious human beings:
"I don't enjoy formals at John's"
"They serve from the left"
22. Overseen in a kitchen in St John's:
23. At a sporting event against Oxford:
"Oooh, I just got an email about the blues cravat I ordered for croquet cuppers next term, exciting."
24. A second year at Magdalene College to their friend:
"Are you friends with the ambassador?
I prefer the vice-ambassador."
25. A first year torn between two loves:
27. A hopeful member of Sidney Sussex College:
"Wish me luck, I'm off to ask my parents for more money".
28. Someone with a big dilemma in Churchill College:
29. A year 9 taking a tour of a Cambridge college and making a very understandable decision:
"I think I'll apply to this one just because I like the sound my shoes make when I walk here."
30. Overseen from St John's, an abandoned child on the River Cam:
31. At a scandalous brunch in Homerton College:
A: "This is the flattest croissant I have ever had."
B: "Did you just call a Pain Au Chocolat a croissant?!"
32. A horrified student at West Road Concert Hall:
"No, I'm sorry, but I simply cannot agree to come to that opera with you. It's being sung in English. ENGLISH! Totally unacceptable."
33. At the Robinson College bar:
34. A fan of both football and grammar:
"Don't you hate it how football commentators fail to use the subjunctive?"
36. A practical young lady at dinner:
38. A student in Peterhouse College, asking the important questions:
"Do you need to pay corkage to bring a bottle of wine to lunch? Or breakfast?"
39. And last but not least, overseen at St John's, this beautiful masterpiece:
This article incorrectly referred to Peterhouse as Peterhouse College, as several mortified commenters have helpfully pointed out. BuzzFeed regrets the error, and will strive in future to be less terribly gauche.