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39 Ridiculous Things Overheard At Cambridge University

"A man needs multiple opera scarves." H/T to the Overheard at Cambridge Facebook page.

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2. A scandalised fellow in the buttery of St John's College:

"The top of my Creme Brûlée hasn't been adequately crystallised. Do you think I could exchange it for another one?"

3. A parent to a toddler in Corpus Christi College's Old Court:

"If you want to go on the grass, you'll have to go to school for a very very long time."


5. At a formal hall:

Student A: "What's the name of that fruit?"
Student B: "It's a physalis."
Student C: "Isn't it just a gooseberry?"
Student B: "Oh, I don't know, I only know the Latin word for it.

6. A first year English student in the University Library:

"You know, I think the only thing that would stop me from selling my soul for eternal youth is that I'll probably age *really* well."

8. A keen political mind in Newnham College:

"If you can't use your own JCR to watch Eurovision there's something deeply wrong with neoliberal capitalism."


9. In a Physics exam:

"In the event of a fire alarm, please stay in your seats."

11. A fresher in the midst of exams:

"Does anyone remember the last time they were praised for their work?"

12. In an email from a superviser to students:

"If you ever have an existential question about past tenses in the middle of the night, you can send me an email."


14. Somewhere in Christ's College:

"Work is the macrophage and I the pathogen. It's engulfed and destroyed me."

15. Somebody pleased with their recent purchase:

"I'm so happy because I'll finally be able to drink port from an actual port glass instead of having to use one of my cognac glasses!"


17. A conversation between two alumni:

"God, this whole conversation is so the masculine accusative singular present participle of "to go" in Ancient Greek."
"It's banta." (βαντα)"

18. At Corpus Christi College:

"I thought pansexual meant you like bread."

20. At an unknown society's dinner:

"Ughhhh the main is venison. I've had it twice in the last week, I don't want it again!"


21. An exchange between two serious human beings:

"I don't enjoy formals at John's"
"Why's that?"
"They serve from the left"

23. At a sporting event against Oxford:

"Oooh, I just got an email about the blues cravat I ordered for croquet cuppers next term, exciting."

24. A second year at Magdalene College to their friend:

"Are you friends with the ambassador?
I prefer the vice-ambassador."


26. A valid complaint in Sainsbury's:

"I hate it when the milk has the same date as my deadlines."

27. A hopeful member of Sidney Sussex College:

"Wish me luck, I'm off to ask my parents for more money".


29. A year 9 taking a tour of a Cambridge college and making a very understandable decision:

"I think I'll apply to this one just because I like the sound my shoes make when I walk here."

31. At a scandalous brunch in Homerton College:

A: "This is the flattest croissant I have ever had."
B: "Did you just call a Pain Au Chocolat a croissant?!"

32. A horrified student at West Road Concert Hall:

"No, I'm sorry, but I simply cannot agree to come to that opera with you. It's being sung in English. ENGLISH! Totally unacceptable."


34. A fan of both football and grammar:

"Don't you hate it how football commentators fail to use the subjunctive?"

35. A medical student at St John's:

"These are my dissection chinos."


37. A reasonable man at a MedSoc ball:

"A man needs multiple opera scarves."

38. A student in Peterhouse College, asking the important questions:

"Do you need to pay corkage to bring a bottle of wine to lunch? Or breakfast?"

This article incorrectly referred to Peterhouse as Peterhouse College, as several mortified commenters have helpfully pointed out. BuzzFeed regrets the error, and will strive in future to be less terribly gauche.