25 Problems Only People Who Have Played In A School Orchestra Will Understand

Let me play you a sad song on the world’s smallest violin.

1. Breaking your school music teacher’s heart by ruining his or her favourite piece of music.

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That’s what you get for overestimating us.

2. Getting a new piece of music that looks like this.

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Great, this will totally be ready for the end-of-term concert.

3. Having to play Pachelbel’s Canon again.

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Also, cringe-y musical pickup lines.

4. Having an unrequited love for the lanky, awkward bass player.

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Lanky, awkward bass players also play in cool garage bands after school.

5. Realizing that no matter how much you practice, you will never be as good as that one virtuoso kid in the front row.

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The younger the kid, the worse the feeling.

6. Dealing with dramatic teenage cellists.

Dramatic teenage cellists must be stopped.

7. The complete awfulness of playing a new piece for the first time.

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And knowing that next door’s chemistry class can totally hear you.

8. This.

Hopefully your stand partner is counting.

9. Dressing up in ill-fitting fancy clothes to perform in the school cafeteria.

Under the horrible fluorescent lights.

10. The excruciating nerdiness of classical music puns.

11. The stern glare of an examiner.

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No child should have to sight-read under this kind of pressure.

12. Working out how to avoid awkward page turns.

Especially if you don’t trust your stand partner.

13. The devastating romance of catching the eye of your crush while playing Tchaikovsky.

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And achieving puberty at that exact moment.

14. Someone totally touching your horse hair.

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This calls for a liberal application of rosin.

15. Modern composers who find themselves really edgy.

HAHA OK.

16. Broken strings, broken bridges, broken bows, broken hearts.

17. The unique emotional and physical pain that occurs when half your section decides to play an F sharp, and the other half decides to play an F natural.

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18. Receiving awkward musical gifts from your extended family every single year.

19. Getting hit by the brass and woodwind players’ flying spit.

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Or when it dribbles from your own instrument, as it were.

20. Anyone who thought that an orchestra of hormonal teenagers could ever play this softly.

Someone clearly just wanted to show off that they can pronounce the word “pianissississimo”.

21. Getting stabbed by your stand partner’s bow.

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22. The back row of the second violins bringing the audience to tears.

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For the wrong reasons.

23. The crippling shame of missing a repeat.

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If I glare at my stand partner, people will think it was him!

24. Zoning out completely in the middle of a concert.

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This can be either terrifying or strangely pleasurable.

25. The guilty pleasure of hiding your phone from the teacher on your music stand.

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The pleasure is multiplied when you’re also hiding food behind your instrument.

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Hannah Jewell is a senior staff writer for BuzzFeed News and is based in London.
 
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