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A Brexit Update For People Who Haven't Been Paying Attention

Oh yeah, remember when that happened? Weird.

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And as for the ongoing Labour leadership election, J.K. Rowling has a nice summary:

One day in the far distant future we'll look back and we WONT LAUGH, LABOUR, BECAUSE THIS ISN'T BLOODY FUNNY.

So there's been some, uh, domestic fallout since Brexit. But in terms of actually leaving the EU, nothing has actually happened yet.

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***THIS IS AN IMPORTANT FACT TO REMEMBER, FRIENDS.*** Hold this fact close and don't let it go, like this young man with his sign.


But even though nothing's happened yet, it definitely looks like things ARE going to happen.

Christopher Furlong / Getty Images / BuzzFeed

That's why Theresa May keeps saying "Brexit means Brexit", which on one hand means nothing, and on the other means "yes ok we are actually doing this lol".

What things, you ask? Good question. See, it's become clear in the last few months that not only was there no plan for Brexit, but neither the government nor the Leave campaign ever sat down to have a look at how intertwined the EU and the UK are.

7.4 billion years years in the future. "Brexit means Brexit," insists Number 10, as the Earth is swallowed by an expanding subgiant sun.

That's why Theresa May held a brainstorm at Chequers the other week, to have a little think about what "Brexit means Brexit" actually means and how leaving the EU will affect different components of the British economy.

Thankfully everyone knows there's nothing like a quick brainstorm to sort out a problem of unprecedented size and unknowable consequence.

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Especially if there's fancy sparkling water at the brainstorm.

Brainstorms are exactly the kind of place where people come up with ideas like these.

May's line on Brexit (spoiler: it's philosophical) "The reason I've been saying Brexit means Brexit is precisely because it means it does"

Solid ideas. Ideas you could hang your hat on.


Excellent brainstorms aside, the PM is facing some scrutiny this week for ruling out a points-based immigration system – something a lot of people assumed would be how the UK would be able to restrict migration.

If the establishment think they can stitch-up Brexit then they better be ready for the huge electoral consequences.

So how does the PM suggest we restrict immigration if not with a points-based immigration system?

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Well, she hasn't said yet. But in any case, it's become clear that restricting freedom of movement is the government's biggest Brexit priority. Which means for sure that we won't be able to stay in the single market.

If you've forgotten what all of these terrible words mean, read this, I guess.

But hey, at least the government has set up a Twitter account for the Department for Exiting the European Union, aka DExEU, not to be confused with Dexeus, the Spanish gynaecology clinic.

Follow us for updates on the UK's negotiations to leave the European Union and to establish the future relationship between the EU & the UK


And on Monday, Brexit secretary David Davis spoke for the first time about his four ~guiding principles~ for negotiations, and they were super specific.

Can see how it would have taken weeks to come up Brexit sec David Davis' 4 guiding principles for negotiations.

Keep up the good work, David!

Of course, the government aren't the only ones thinking ahead. The Sun published a list last month of "10 OTHER WAYS TO SAY UP YOURS TO EU". Oh boy!

The Sun

The list included demands for everything from "drier hair" to "cleaner carpets" to "recycling teabags" to "reclaiming jam" – all things currently regulated by the EU, apparently. Oh, and The Sun also wants us to get back blue passports, of course.

So at least we have reclaimed jam to look forward to.

So anyway, if nothing is happening yet and nobody knows what things would even happen if they did happen, do we at least know WHEN things that might happen will happen?

(Article 50 = the mechanism formally withdraw from the EU, for those of you who cleared away all your Brexit knowledge to make more room for pleasant memories of dogs you've seen on public transport.)


Well, the current expectation is that Article 50 will be invoked in January or February next year – but in case that doesn't end up happening YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM US, OK?

Theresa May confirms she won't trigger Article 50 before end of year but British people don't want it "kicked into long grass" #Marr

Triggering it then would mean Britain would ACTUALLY leave the EU in 2019, after a couple more years of really great, productive brainstorms. Of course, this could all be delayed if the government continues to flap about wondering what Brexit means (other than Brexit meaning Brexit, of course).

In the meantime, what are the rest of the EU's leaders up to?

Vincenzo Pinto / AFP / Getty Images

Here's Italian prime minister Matteo Renzi, French president François Hollande, and German chancellor Angela Merkel looking relaxed AF en route to a meeting they held in August to talk shit about us behind our backs.

Yup, here they are, laughing away, happy as can be. It's like when you break up with someone because you want to "see other people" and a couple weeks later they're in a new relationship and you're still alone.

Remo Casilli / Reuters

As a result of this August meeting, the leaders of France, Germany, and Italy announced that the European project was alive and well, and that they're never giving back our Sopranos boxset because maybe we should have thought about the consequences before we broke up with them.

But that's not all. At the G20 summit in China, where world leaders are currently meeting to G20 their little hearts out, Barack Obama once again made clear that Britain would remain at the back of the queue for making trade deals with US.

Saul Loeb / AFP / Getty Images

At least British people are really good at queuing though, amirite?!


These two incidents are just some of the slightly uncomfortable things May has faced at the G20 summit so far.

Lintao Zhang / Getty Images

Like how they made her stand at the edge of the group pic! The G20 state leaders are basically just messy bitches who live for drama.

But what of The People? Well, The People are holding rallies like this pro-EU march this past weekend, and there's another pro-Brexit march to follow.

Justin Tallis / AFP / Getty Images

With years of negotiations ahead of us, at the very least, we still have plenty of time to make EU puns like the ones on these signs.