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Exactly How Trash Is Your Ex Boyfriend?

Warning: This may be too real for people with truly terrible exes.

Posted on
  1. blog.getemoji.com / BuzzFeed
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    He checked out other women when you were in public together.
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    He pointed at another woman and said: “You should dress more like her.”
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    He accused you of being paranoid.
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    But if you ever hung out with other guy friends, HE got incredibly paranoid.
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    He would say the phrase: “Is it because you’re on your period?”
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    He often treated you as a mum.
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    He often treated you as a therapist.
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    When he invited you to hang out with his friends he sort of left you in the background without properly introducing you to anyone.
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    Then if you started talking to people he’d accuse you of “flirting”.
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    Romantic displays weren’t really for your benefit – he did them so you’d tell all your friends what a great guy he was.
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    He would tell you to “calm down”.
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    He would tell you to “stop being weird”.
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    He made fun of a hobby you loved because he thought it was “lame”.
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    He never put the toilet seat down.
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    One time he didn’t put the toilet seat down and you went for a night wee, didn’t notice, and fell in.
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    He mocked the way you talk.
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    He mocked your laugh.
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    He gave you an ACTUAL DISEASE.
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    He never let you choose music in the car.
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    He thought he was smarter than you.
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    He thought his career or education was more serious and important than yours.
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    He’d say mean things about your relatives.
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    He’d say mean things about your friends.
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    He took food from your plate just because you were “eating too slow”.
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    He told you “you don’t have to order the salad you know”, even though you ordered it just 'cause it looked delicious.
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    He wouldn’t wash his sheets frequently enough, and there were stains, and you suffered with them.
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    If you were walking in difficult shoes he wouldn’t slow down so you could walk together.
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    He justified dickish behaviour by saying "all guys are just like this”.
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    He would fake-cry to win an argument.
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    He had ~opinions~ about what you ate and said it was because he cared about your health but obviously he was just a body-shaming idiot who didn’t deserve you.
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    He wanted a medal every time he did something nice, like remember your birthday.
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    He wanted a medal every time he cooked or cleaned.
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    He wanted a medal every time he went down on you.
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    Sex was mainly about his needs.
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    He didn’t have the patience to make you orgasm.
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    But he thought it was his RIGHT to have an orgasm every time.
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    And he’d make you feel guilty if he didn’t get one.
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    He never once asked what YOU liked in bed.
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    He drove like an idiot to show off how dangerous and brave he was.
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    He took coffee way, way too seriously.
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    He assumed you wouldn’t like the same drinks as him – for example, by saying “You wouldn’t like this wine – it’s very earthy” even though what the fuck did he know about your tastes, you had been dating, like, two weeks, Jesus Christ.
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    He assumed you wouldn’t like the same sports or games as him, and didn't bother to ask.
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    He was a champion at mansplaining. It was his favourite sport.
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    He claimed he “wasn’t good at” things like putting on a duvet cover so you would always have to be the one to do it, surprise sur-fuckin-prise.
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    He acted like you were physically weak.
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    He would be way too surprised when you said something intelligent or funny. Like, sorry, is it surprising for me to be clever and hilarious?
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    When he’d say something horrible in an argument he’d justify it by claiming he was just being “logical”, “rational”, or “playing devil’s advocate”.
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    He would assume he’d won an argument if he managed to make you cry.
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    He made you cry. A LOT.
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    But said it was your fault for being “too sensitive”.
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    He said what you should wear and how you should do your hair (which you have realised in retrospect is really controlling, fucked-up behaviour).
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    He said you were "letting yourself go" if you had, like, leg hair or chipped nails (again, wtf).
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    He talked about your sex life in front of his friends when you really didn’t want him to.
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    He was jealous when good things happened to you or you were successful in some way.
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    He cheated on you once.
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    He cheated on you more than once.
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    He probably cheated on you, but you never found out.
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    He had a secret other partner the entire time you were together.
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    He started a new relationship before breaking up with you.
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    He explained to you that it wasn’t “natural” for men to be monogamous.
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    He broke up with you via text.
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    He was just definitely, 100%, undeniably, hilariously trash.
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    He was such a big, whiny baby that you’re slightly embarrassed you dated him at all, but we all need the D sometimes so you’re not too hard on yourself, and also now you have some great stories at least.
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    You have spent many an hour laughing about your trash ex-boyfriend with your friends.
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    Dating your trash ex-boyfriend has helped you to learn how to avoid trash in the future. ~~You live and you learn.~~
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