1. So you're a feminist, but sober you doesn't necessarily bother calling people out on patriarchical nonsense.
moment of silence for the thousands of college women sitting in dorm rooms right now being forced to listen to some dude play "wonderwall"
Even if it's something worse than a dude playing "wonderwall" (imagine!) you just wanna keep the peace and live your life.
2. DRUNK you, however, doesn't care so much about ~keeping the peace~.
3. Say you're at a party, and hear someone talking about, oh, I dunno, why the gender pay gap isn't real.
They're about to learn some fuckin' lessons.
4. You can hear a sexist comment from across the room. Your senses are heightened. You are ready.
5. Drunk you is extra feminist. Drunk you believes you can destroy the patriarchy one argument in the kitchen of a house party at a time.
6. Drunk you somehow has a perfect memory for everything you learned in your undergraduate gender studies class.
Don't hate the player, hate the social construct of performative masculinity, which encourages weak men to conform to a sexist narrative th
Even if you couldn't remember it for the final exam, for some reason it's all crystal clear while drunk in a kitchen at a house party. Or at least that's how it feels.
7. Drunk you doesn't care about seeming fighty.
8. And if someone tries to hit you with a "well actually" or a "lol, calm down" it's fucking over.
9. And god help anyone who tries to hit on you by playing "devil's advocate".
10. Drunk you is more in touch with your emotions and therefore more able to express the levels of your rage within your soul.
11. Drunk you gets a bit sarcastic in the face of dickheads.
First date tip: Laugh at all his jokes, even bad ones. Men love it. Laugh louder. If he begs you to stop...laugh harder. This is good advice
12. And drunk you has to be held back by your friends if, for example, you find yourself catcalled while on a night out.
how did i meet your father? he shouted "OI, YOU NOT GONNA SAY HELLO BACK TO ME, ARE YOU DEAF OR RUDE" as i walked past him and i just knew
LET'S SEE HOW MUCH YOU LIKE MY NICE LEGS WHEN THEY'RE KICKING YOU IN THE NUTS, SIR.
13. You are of course slowly learning to apply this boldness and lack of fucks to your sober self as well.
14. Drunk you is actually kind of a genius at explaining feminist theory to a random person you just met.
15. If you're doing really well, you'll end up holding forth about intersectionality to all who will listen.
16. This can of course be tiring so at a certain point in the night you might start to flag. Luckily drunk you also goes extra nuts when "Run the World" comes on.
17. Anyway, by the end of the night you feel great satisfaction in all the great conversations you've had.
18. Maybe the next morning you may have some regrets about the things you yelled at the night sky in an ecstatic drunken rage...
19. ...but deep down you know you were doing good work and fighting the good fight.
when you look in a mirror the morning after a party
You didn't come here to make friends. You came to destroy the patriarchy.