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The 12 Hottest Tory Backbenchers

They may be backbenchers, but they're sitting on the frontbenches of our hearts.

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Every Brit knows that the backbenches of the Conservative party are a hotbed of raw sex appeal.

Hannah Jewell / parliament.uk

Just look at this small sampling of ashen-faced fitties.

Choosing the hottest Tory backbencher would be like choosing the hottest star in the sky.

But someone had to do it, so here are the official rankings.

12. MP for Haltemprice and Howden David Davis is a climate change sceptic. So is the earth getting hotter, threatening the very survival of our species, or is it just this picture?

Robert Sharp / English PEN / Via commons.wikimedia.org

11. Bill Cash has been hotting up the halls of parliament since 1984. He chairs the European scrutiny committee, or should we say, the European scrutiny com-fitty.

We'd like to make a Cash deposit, please.
CARL COURT / AFP / Getty Images

We'd like to make a Cash deposit, please.

10. Geoffrey Cox, MP for Torridge and West Devon, is driving us mad with desire in this photo from the Parliamentary Dog of the Year show in 2011.

Oh, Mr Cox, how we wish we could be your beloved dog George.
Peter Macdiarmid / Getty Images

Oh, Mr Cox, how we wish we could be your beloved dog George.

9. Coming in at No. 9 is Sir Peter Bottomley, seen here stepping out in a form-fitting bicycle helmet and a plunging high-visibility vest.

commons.wikimedia.org

Everyone is dying to know: Is there a *Mrs* Sir Peter Bottomley MP? (There is.)

8. Even though he's not a backbencher, we can't even believe how much Oliver Letwin, MP for West Dorset, actually looks like Ryan Gosling.

Jeffrey Mayer / WireImage / Cabinet Office via commons.wikimedia.org

Letwin once said that public sector workers such as teachers and nurses need "some real discipline and some fear" to increase their productivity and innovation. Why did they not cast him in the Fifty Shades of Grey film???

UPDATE:

BuzzFeed apologises for including Oliver Letwin in this list. This was due to an editing error over his exact role and profile within the government. We apologise unreservedly to Mr Letwin and he is more than welcome to use our toilet facilities at 3am in the morning any time that suits. It's not our fault you look so much like Ryan Gosling.

Jeffrey Mayer / WireImage / Cabinet Office via commons.wikimedia.org

Letwin once said that public sector workers such as teachers and nurses need "some real discipline and some fear" to increase their productivity and innovation. Why did they not cast him in the Fifty Shades of Grey film???

UPDATE:

BuzzFeed apologises for including Oliver Letwin in this list. This was due to an editing error over his exact role and profile within the government. We apologise unreservedly to Mr Letwin and he is more than welcome to use our toilet facilities at 3am in the morning any time that suits. It's not our fault you look so much like Ryan Gosling.

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Jeffrey Mayer / WireImage / Cabinet Office via commons.wikimedia.org

Letwin once said that public sector workers such as teachers and nurses need "some real discipline and some fear" to increase their productivity and innovation. Why did they not cast him in the Fifty Shades of Grey film???

UPDATE:

BuzzFeed apologises for including Oliver Letwin in this list. This was due to an editing error over his exact role and profile within the government. We apologise unreservedly to Mr Letwin and he is more than welcome to use our toilet facilities at 3am in the morning any time that suits. It's not our fault you look so much like Ryan Gosling.

7. Why does George Hollingbery make it to this list, you ask?

Because according to his website, he's giving his constituents action aaaaall year round.

georgehollingbery.com

Oh, you're working for me, Mr Hollingbery.

6. Roaring in at No. 6 is Brian Binley, MP for Northampton South.

Here he is campaigning in America for the US State Department to remove the People's Mojahedin Organization of Iran from its official list of terrorist organisations, which is pretty much every girl's darkest erotic fantasy.
PAUL J. RICHARDS / AFP / Getty Images

Here he is campaigning in America for the US State Department to remove the People's Mojahedin Organization of Iran from its official list of terrorist organisations, which is pretty much every girl's darkest erotic fantasy.

5. Jacob Rees-Mogg may be a Eurosceptic, but we can't help but say oui, oui to his rugged good looks.

Don't be fooled by his unchecked masculinity: He's a big softie at heart, and takes his nanny campaigning with him. "I am very proud of nanny", said the 45-year-old MP for North East Somerset. HOT.
Ben Pruchnie / Getty Images

Don't be fooled by his unchecked masculinity: He's a big softie at heart, and takes his nanny campaigning with him. "I am very proud of nanny", said the 45-year-old MP for North East Somerset. HOT.

4. Nick de Bois thinks the police should be able to use water cannon to disperse riots.

youtube.com

We'll be needing water cannon to put out the fire in our hearts.

3. James Philip Duddridge would like to answer your West Lothian question, if you know what I mean.

This is the face he makes when he's thinking about the implications for England of Scottish devolution, and also when he's undressing you with his eyes.
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This is the face he makes when he's thinking about the implications for England of Scottish devolution, and also when he's undressing you with his eyes.

2. Peter Bone, MP for Wellingborough, ranks second for two reasons. Firstly, his name.

"Bone."
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"Bone."

And secondly, his hot bod.

Obviously.
CURAphotography / Getty Images / iStockphoto / munguinsrepublic.blogspot.co.uk

Obviously.

1. But the prize for the hottest Tory backbencher of all can only go to Sir Nicholas Soames, seen here in all his sexual majesty.

Having sex with Soames was once likened to "having a wardrobe fall on top of you with the key sticking out". Which sounds pretty fucking great if you ask us.
Matt Cardy / Getty Images

Having sex with Soames was once likened to "having a wardrobe fall on top of you with the key sticking out". Which sounds pretty fucking great if you ask us.

Congratulations, Sir Nicholas!

isifa / Getty Images

Phew, time for a cool drink of water.