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107 Brilliantly Awful Puns About The EU Referendum

A pun for every sitEUation.

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1. When one campaign complains that the other campaign is doing something bad:
Can EU not?

2. When a European official says something ridiculous:
Are EU having a laugh?

3. When the fight between David Cameron and Boris Johnson gets really nasty:
EU’ve lost that loving feeling

4. When a campaigner for Remain argues that trade treaties outside the Union will never be the same as membership in a common market:
Nothing compares to EU

5. When Boris Johnson sets out a 10-point manifesto for the Leave campaign:

6. When Boris suddenly changes his mind and switches to the pro-Europe campaign:
EU turn

7. If we vote to leave the EU and suddenly regret it:
We’ve made a EUge mistake

8. If we vote to remain in the EU and it’s totally fine:
We remain EUr faithful servant

9. If we vote to leave and the rest of Europe are pissed off with us:
Don’t let the door hit EU on the way out

10. When we vote to remain in, and don’t have another referendum for a generation:
Your nearest Brexit may be behind you

11. When we vote to leave the EU and also live in a capitalist dystopia:
Brexit Through The Gift Shop

12. When the Leave campaign wins and senior Tory politician has a massive tantrum over the split it’s caused in their party:
Brexit Through The Rift Strop

13. When David Cameron gets hit by an egg thrown by a vote leave campaigner:
Breggsit

14. When David Cameron gets hit by some poo thrown by a vote leave campaigner:
Brexshit

15. When David Cameron flies to meet President of the European Council Donald Tusk in Brussels:
I’ll E U when U Get There

16. When senior EU officials are caught getting pissed on a night out and vandalising their hotel room:
Brussels Louts

17. When they awkwardly try to justify their behaviour:
Belgian Waffle

18. When senior EU official takes a selfie:
Brussels Pouts

19. When senior EU official is caught hawking tickets to a big Donald Tusk speech:
Brussels Touts

20. When a senior EU official is seen touching up some brickwork:
Brussels Grout

21. When the Leave vote wins by a landslide:
Brussels Rout

22. When Francois Hollande says something sassy:
Hollandaise sauce

23. When Francois Hollande plans a celebration of Britain staying in the EU:

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24. When the UK has voted to stay in the EU and the Remain campaign are celebrating with a huge party:
I see EU baby, shaking that ass

25. When Cameron explains that this deal to renegotiate the UK’s position in the EU is a good deal for Britain, if not a perfect deal:
EU can’t always get what EU want, but if EU try sometimes, EU might just find, EU get what EU need

26. When Francois Hollande makes a plea for Britain to stay in the EU:
Take A France On Me

27. When Donald Tusk says something disapproving of the UK:
Tsk tsk, Tusk

28. When President of the European Commission Jean-Claude Juncker sends a letter to someone:
Junck Mail

29. When Jean-Claude Juncker finds romance:
Junck In Love

30. When a pro-Europe campaigner defends Jean-Claude Juncker:
Don’t Touch My Junck

31. When someone murders Jean-Claude Juncker and his corpse is found days later in the back of a car:
Junck In The Trunk

32. When Jeremy Corbyn is sad that he has to campaign to stay in the EU when deep down he’s hated it for years:
He’s got the blEUs

33. When Remain win by a landslide:
Better get EUsed to it

34. When UK votes to leave the EU and the pound suffers a devaluation and the Germans are like “I told you so”:
Wipe that sMerkel off your face

35. When a scuffle breaks out between Leave and Remain supporters in Euston station:
EUston we have a problem

36. When Germany refuses to increase its level of financial contribution to the EU budget:
All Merk and no pay

37. When the referendum comes up on Have I Got News For You:
Have I got EUs for EU

38. When the news breaks that booze cruises will no longer be possible outside the EU:
BEUze CrEUse

39. When there’s a rush on booze cruises to stock up on French wine before it’s too late:
EU SnEUze EU LEUse

40. When Spain doesn’t turn up to important negotiations:
Spanishing trick

41. When they do turn up but are kind of awful:
Spain in the ass

42. When an Austrian politician makes a mistake about British geography:
Lostria

43. When Nigel Farage is looking especially sharp in his very en vogue OUT rosette and real-ale sodden blazer:
SEUits EU sir

44. When the Prime Minister of the Netherlands hints that his country might also try to leave the EU:
Nether say Nether

45. When a Hungarian zoo offers to exchange animals with London Zoo as a gesture of pan-European goodwill:
Hungary Hungary Hippos

46. When the queen chimes in on the debate:
We are not amEUsed

47. When Nigel Farage and George Galloway are getting on rather well:
EU and me baby ain’t nothin but mammals

48. When an Italian politician predicts that Britain will definitely vote to stay:
Italy Alright On The Night

49. When it gets tricky to persuade students of the merits of staying in Europe:
EUniversity Challenge

50. When Brussels sends its secret elite military unit to enact a military coup in Westminster, and the soldiers are really fit:
I like a man in EUniform

51. When Jack Straw comes out strongly for Remain:
EUnion Jack

52. If Boris Johnson does a sweet skateboard trick:
EU only live once

53. If we vote to remain in the EU and Germany sends us 100,000 migrants out of spite:
A delEUge foretold

54. When Germany invades:
EUseful German phrases

55. When a Vote Remain campaigner flubs their lines in a TV debate:
Don’t call us, we’ll call EU

56. When a senior European official is caught having an affair:

57. When a sudden intervention by Alex Tsipras makes the referendum more exciting:
Greece Lightning

58. When a sudden intervention by Alex Tsipras makes the referendum more scary:
Greece Frightening

59. When 100 years from now the EU has succeeded in forming an ever closer union and children across Europe sing themselves to sleep with their favourite tune:
Merkel Merkel little star, how I wonder what you are

60. When church bells ring out in Brussels to celebrate the UK’s decision to remain:
Ask Not For Whom The Belgium Tolls, It Tolls For Thee

61. When someone makes a great joke about free trade:
European Common Snarket

62. When Tusk stays up all night in negotiations:
From Tusk ‘til Dawn

63. When Tusk saves the Union, but also gets a bit religious:
In God We Tusk

64. When a politician from Belgium wins the referendum for the pro-EU campaign with a passionate plea for European unity:
Saved By The Belgian

65. When someone sings a song of praise or triumph about the common currency:
Euro Paean

66. When the Remain campaign wins and throws a big party:
Raise the rEUf!

67. When EU regulation ruins Christmas:
Don’t be such a ScrEUge

68. When you’re a little European baby:
Done a pEU

69. When you’re that European baby’s kindly European grandmother:
I’ve cooked some delicious stEU

70. What noise do European cows make?
MEUUUUUUUUU

71. When Cameron claims that staying in the EU is the best way to ensure the UK’s continued influence in European and global politics:
PrEUve it!

72. When someone makes a sexist remark about a European dignitary’s dress:
You look like a flEUzy

73. When Boris makes a victory speech:
See EU in hell, fuckers!

74. When Portugal promises to still be there for Britain no matter what happens:
Atta Portugal

75. When Latvia finally get their shit together and ask Britain to remain:
Better Latvia Than Never

76. When a Vote Leave campaigner moons David Cameron:
Referendbum

77. When a politician from Hungary has a big penis:
Well Hungary

78. When you’re not sure how you’ll vote:
EU never know

79. When Donald Trump describes how important the referendum is:
EUUUUUGE!

80. When Boris cuddles a slow loris really tenderly:
Slow Boris

81. When JK Rowling compares Farage to Voldemort:
EU Know Who

82. When Cameron is practicing tongue twisters to warm up before a big speech:
EU know EU need EUnique NEUw York

83. When a Slovenian dignitary is found passed out surrounded by empty crisp packets at an EU summit:
Slovenly disgrace

84. When we all just decide to let each other live our best lives:
EU do EU

85. When Polish dignitaries celebrate the UK remaining in the EU:
Pole dancing

86. When there ends up being a second referendum despite what the PM says:
EU Only Live Twice

87. When a politician from Belgium makes a dubious claim:
Pull the other one, it’s got Belgians on it

88. When a politician from Cyprus claims there’ll be civil unrest if Britain votes to leave:
I Predict A Cypriot

89. When a politician from the Czech Republic claims that everybody in Europe is better off thanks to the EU:

90. When a politician from Denmark is accused of lying:
Danish fakin’

91. When Estonia springs a surprise:
Estonia crows

92. When the Vote Leave campaign warns that staying in the EU will turn Britain into Finland:
Finn End Of The Wedge

93. When a load of people from Dusseldorf travel to Britain to campaign on the streets for Britain to stay in the EU:
Germanic Street Preachers

94. When one of the campaigns makes an easily debunked claim about Ireland:
Comedy of Eires

95. When an Irish politician appeals to Eurosceptics to change their minds:
See The Eire Of Your Ways

96. When Sweden threatens to leave the EU if Britain does:
Full Swede Ahead

97. When Tusk negotiates with the Swedes to stay by giving them special privileges in the Union:
Sweden the Deal

98. But then the package of reforms for Sweden turn out to be completely superficial:
Artificial Swedener

99. And rioting breaks out in the streets of Stockholm:
Swede Jesus!

100. Which forces Tusk to stand down from his hard line and make up with the Swedes:
Swede nothings

101. When David Cameron enlists the help of One Direction to campaign to stay in the EU:
EU don't know EU're bEUtiful (that's what makes EU bEUtiful)

102. When people wonder what happens after Britain leaves the EU:
What happens Brex't

103. When the Leave campaign enlist to Dr Dre to help explain what a post-European Union Britain would look like:
The Brex't Episode

104. When the rest of Europe is very concerned about whether Britain is OK:
EU UK hun?

105. When someone called Jeff does something:
Jefferendum

106. When you really, really hate the EU:
EU are a EUseless piece of shit and I fucking hate everything about EU, I never want to see EUr ugly fucking face again

107. When you’ve run out of puns:
EUropean EUnion

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