1.
"Nobody cares," typed the guy who cared so little he took time out of his day to reply "nobody cares" to my free joke on the internet.
2.
Telling a woman to get back in the kitchen is a weird insult to lob on Twitter. We can still tweet from kitchens. We have wifi & data plans.
3.
did u get my dm
4.
Instead of a block option on Twitter, let's have a "notify his mom" button
5.
"Where'd you meet him?" "On the Internet. I fell in love with him because of the delicate care he used to explain my joke back to me."
6.
7.
Sometimes I'll buy some crap online and be like this will fix my whole life
8.
Behind every strong woman is 5 other strong women who proofread her email real quick when they had a second
9.
"No more self-deprecating tweets," I whisper fatly.
10.
MEDIA: "We can't believe Trump would tweet something so awful!!!" WOMEN OF THE INTERNET: *scrolls through mentions* "We can"
11.
*two women having a conversation* Man:
12.
Stop tweeting about what real women are and are not. You're going to blow my secret that I'm a lizard creature zipped into a woman suit
13.
Browsing Tinder like
14.
Cause of death: Drowned in all the answers to a rhetorical question she posted on the Internet.
15.
Just found my filtered Facebook messages requests. And a new boyfriend, what a day.
16.
More ladies should leave internet comments on men's accomplishments like "he sucks as an astronaut but i'd sit on his face"
17.
Everyone on Instagram has the exact same eyebrows and it's starting to feel like I've stumbled upon a fracture in the matrix 👀
18.
@voldemortsbicep i'm so sorry but this was truly perfect
19.
Oh no I accidentally liked your picture from 2006 that isn't even online
20.
me: [flirts with someone aggressively online] me: [meets them in person] u like food? haha how about dogs
21.
Norman Rockwell's classic painting, "Free Speech on Twitter"
22.
Dick pics are the human equivalent of a cat giving you a dead bird as a "gift"
23.
him: your single? why? me: you're*
24.
*Clicks post called "Simple Everyday Eye Makeup Look"* *Sees the look requires 9 steps* *Throws laptop across room as if at the patriarchy*
25.
[cool person follows me] me: ok I gotta bring my A game now it's only good tweets from here me 5 mins later: horses r just big dogs ?
26.
HOW can you say I don't take men's feelings into consideration when I make such a special effort to spell "Wookiee" correctly online
27.
"Nipples killed my parents, and I'll be damned if anyone else should ever have to see those murderers again" -the founder of Instagram
28.
Tinder but for gals in your area who'll come over and help with the weird zip on the back of your dress in the morning.
29.
Me: I feel like I was meant for this job! H: Instagram isn't a job Me: *rolling my eyes* Oh right, like it's just some sort of goddamn hobby
30.
Thank holy hell for men on the internet or i wouldn't know what my number or inherent worth is!!!
31.
Embarrassing old email addresses are the lower-back tattoos of the Internet age
32.
MEN REPLYING TO WOMEN ONLINE