Working in Human Resources is no walk in the park. Even in professional work settings, people still manage to act unhinged, leaving HR to address conflicts and clean up messes. It can be a weird and thankless job.
1. "There was a guy who carried a cooler in every day, and we just thought it was his lunch. Turns out he was keeping his shit in the cooler and was wiping it on random walls and desks. He got caught when he wiped it on the front desk directly in sight of the camera."
2. "Two people had cut a hole in the wall between their offices. They pushed their filing cabinets to hide the hole on both sides. The cleaning staff was asked to deep clean the offices one day, and they found the hole. They were having sex through the wall. Both parties involved were married, but not to each other."
3. "A guy pinned a real wasp to his résumé to prove he was 'metal.' This was for a software developer job, but most of his résumé was about his band."
4. "I've been waiting for this one. Two words: dick tag. I don't know who started dick tag, but it became a very popular game very quickly. The whole gist of dick tag was pretty simple. You popped out your dick and showed it to another employee. Whoever saw the dick was 'it.' In order to stop being 'it,' you had to pop your dick out and show it to someone else. I had heard whisperings, but people denied that it was a thing. I never witnessed anything, so the only thing I could do was to send out an email to remind people of appropriate office behavior. Dick tag continued, until one day it was taken too far. One of our managers — we'll call him Kyle — was an idiot. Kyle decided that the best way to welcome a new employee into the company was to induct him into dick tag. So, while this poor guy was filling out his new-hire paperwork, Kyle pulled down his pants, dumped his dick on the table, and yelled, 'YOU'RE IT!'"
"Around the same time, multiple employees were in our parking lot also playing dick tag. Our lovely and sweet accounts payable lady, Ronnie, was walking into work and got caught in the dick tag crossfire. This woman, who was super religious and had been with the same man her entire life, clutched her pearls at the sight of a barrage of dicks coming at her. Ronnie walked into my office like she had seen the devil himself, and before she even got a chance to explain, the new guy walked in after her, handed me back the new-hire paperwork, told me what happened, and said this probably wasn't going to be a good fit for him. Ronnie then launched into her story about the indecency and how she wasn't sure she'd be able to look her husband in the eyes after what she saw. After soothing Ronnie, I called Kyle up, and he explained his side, the rules of the game, and ratted out everyone who was playing. Kyle was fired. That Friday, a company-wide memo went out and banned dick tag. We had multiple training sessions on sexual harassment, and I had to tell 50 grown men that it's not OK to take your penis out at work."
5. "Midway through an interview, the applicant reached into his briefcase, pulled out a beer, cracked it open, and took a sip. I guess he figured that he was not a good match for this particular job and the interview was over. He then made a bit of small talk and left."
6. "We had two employees at the manufacturing site that didn't get along. Nothing much ever came of it until one of the employees put in his two weeks' notice. On his second to last day of employment, he brought a garbage bag FULL of dog shit with him to work and dumped it on his coworker's car. I'm not sure where he got it from. He either collected it from his dogs for months, or he went to a dog park and just picked it all up. The amount of dog shit covered the car from the front bumper to the rear window. The only part that wasn't covered was the trunk."
7. "I’m not in HR, but my sister-in-law used to be for a large Canadian tech firm. An executive at the company got very drunk at a conference in Vegas, and the company got a call from the hotel saying they’d have to pay for outside contractors. He had rubbed his poop all over the walls of his hotel room, and the hotel cleaning staff refused to deal with it."
8. "A guy came in to the interview in sweatpants and a hoodie, and said he didn’t need the job because of how much money he was making illegally, but he wanted to have a job so the IRS didn’t get suspicious. The weirdest part — this wasn't in America. I highly doubt the IRS cares about Canadian tax returns."
9. "The HR person from my previous job told me about having to fire an employee who consistently went into the employee fridges and stole the cheese off people's sandwiches. HR had gotten several complaints of food tampering, so they watched the video of the area and finally figured out who the ‘Cheese Bandit’ was."
10. "I was doing a Skype interview with a guy when I noticed he kept looking to the side of his room. When I asked him if he was alright, a bat flew in front of the camera. He immediately grabbed a broom and chased it around the room, whacking at it until he hit it. Then, we finished the interview."
11. "A guy came in dressed as a clown to drop off his résumé. He was carrying a large rubber fish."
12. "We have two people with the exact same name, but in different departments. This still causes confusion sometimes, but the most awkward time was last year at the Christmas party. We have this annual 'employee of the year' award, and the name was announced before mentioning the department or other info, although I warned the MC not to do that! Let's just say the wrong one got the most excited until he realized it wasn't him."
13. "I worked in HR and had to do investigations. Someone took a dump in someone else's lunch bag. The owner of the rather large and slightly green turd is still at large. Can't make this stuff up."
14. "I've worked in HR for a couple of years now, mostly for large firms managing facilities within properties. One of the strangest cases was brought about because a client asked us to review CCTV footage. He'd driven past the office late at night and noticed the motion sensor lights inside going on and off and was concerned there had been a break-in. Turned out our night security officer, whose primary role is to monitor cameras from the control room, was skipping up and down the corridors because he felt 'too full of energy' and had to get it out of his system somehow. Watching the footage of him skipping, featuring the occasional star jump through vacant corridors, for 20 minutes at 1 a.m. really made my day."
15. "I received a résumé covered in blood. The applicant attached a handwritten note to the résumé explaining that their printer had run out of ink, so they couldn't reprint."
16. "I got a call from a woman I'd never spoken to asking when she could start. She told me she'd received a job offer after interviewing with a manager for a customer service position, but no one ever contacted her about a start date or pre-employment processes, and it had been a month. After a lengthy investigation, it came out that this manager had fabricated a job opening and offered it to this woman in an attempt to impress her. She quit her job (but, it should be noted, did not respond to the manager's romantic overtures) with the expectation of joining my company. She got a settlement (with an NDA), and the guy who 'hired' her got fired."
17. "I once had a temp job in HR. I scanned lots of old personnel files, and the one perk of the job was reading old complaints against people. The best one I came across was a mediation caused by one member of staff accusing another of witchcraft."
18. "Someone murdered their husband and then called the next day from jail and asked our department for bereavement pay."
19. "We had a stair pooper. For years, someone would poop in one of the many stairwells in the giant distribution center every few months. We tried to set up cameras to catch said pooper, but to no avail. We haven't seen a poop for over a year, but are confident the stair pooper is still out there."
20. "I worked as an intern in HR, and we found out that a president of a small bank had been stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars and making fake 'loans' to clients. It only came to light after his wife and kids ordered Frozen on demand (charged to the bank) so many times that it flagged in the system as potential fraud. That's when we found the actual fraud."
21. "I investigated a performance issue where an older nurse decided to give a wedgie to a younger nurse whose thong was showing. The older nurse had no remorse and justified the action because they thought the thong was inappropriate."
22. "A call center employee called HR to complain about their supervisor. She said, 'He’s abusive; he won’t even let me leave my desk.' The supervisor called HR to complain about the same employee. They said, 'Can you please tell [employee's name] that she’s allowed to leave her desk? Oh my god! She’s shitting in her trashcan!'"
23. "I no longer work in HR or at this company, but it's my favorite story from my time there. Our benefits team made the decision to eliminate reserved parking, as lots of employees were frustrated when they walked past dozens of empty spots in the reserved lots every day. This new policy applied to all of the company's locations. Of course, the benefits manager received hundreds of complaints in the first few days from people insisting they needed an exception for their own personal spot. The best reason by far was from one person who 'needed a spot close to the door because they were terrified of bobcats.' There was no other context. We didn't have bobcats near the corporate office, so at first we thought they meant construction equipment? Turns out there were actually bobcat sightings near this person's location. Last I heard, they were told to arrive earlier to get a closer spot and didn't get an exception."
24. "One of our former VPs was let go due to improper use of a company card. What did she buy? A boob job. You can’t make this shit up."
25. "I had to fire two employees for having sex on the roof of the warehouse. They were married, but not to each other."
26. "I was supposed to conduct an interview with an applicant, so I sent them a text two hours prior as a reminder. This applicant came 30 minutes past his interview slot, and in that 30 minutes, I called and texted him to check his ETA, and all he said was that he was on the way. At the 30-minute mark, I called him again while standing outside of the office building. Well, there he was — smoking a cigarette. He turned to me, gestured at his cigarette, scowled at me, and gestured for me to wait. He didn’t get the job, and when we sent him the rejection email, he got upset and sent me a rude email and then proceeded to block my number."
27. "I was interviewing a candidate via Skype, and their connection was not very clear. There was often a little bit of lag in his response, and there was almost no sync between the video and audio. He also thought over each question for some time before answering. I offered to reschedule the call when he had better network connection, but he insisted on finishing the call since he'd taken the day off for the interview. After I asked one of the questions, I told him to take his time and think over the answer. Suddenly, there seemed to be a spike in the internet connection, and I could clearly hear someone sitting behind the laptop, coaching him on what to say."
28. "We had a manager who was having an affair. To hide the affair from her husband, she had saved her boyfriend’s phone number in her phone as the name of a male subordinate. Well, one day the husband was looking at her phone and found the text conversation with her boyfriend. He was pissed, and since she had saved the number of the boyfriend under the name of an employee, he came to the office to fight the male employee. Imagine being the male subordinate and getting an ass-kicking over something you have no knowledge of."
29. Finally: "I worked as an intern in HR while I was attending college, and I remember one guy we interviewed had created his résumé on Google Docs. He had named the file 'fucking résumé,' which was prominently displayed in the top corner of the paper."
Do you work in HR? What's the weirdest thing you've ever had to deal with on the job? Tell us your story in the comments, or submit anonymously to this form!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.