Kids are agents of chaos. They are curious, honest, and incredibly unfiltered — the perfect recipe for hilarity (and sometimes disaster).
We asked parents from the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about a time their kid either cracked them up or embarrassed the crap out of them. The results had me snorting at my desk. Please, see for yourself:
1. "My daughter, who was 5 at the time, was talking to a man who worked with her father. This gentleman had a beard and mustache like her father. She always referred to her father’s facial hair as his 'whiskers.' The gentleman was teasing with her and asked her if she had whiskers. She replied 'No, but my mommy has whiskers on her pee pee.' To say that this gentleman and I both wanted to evaporate into thin air is an understatement."
2. "We were at a busy restaurant when our son was about 1 1/2 (he's almost 5 now, so this was pre-pandemic days). He was in a high chair at the end of the table, perfectly content with his pacifier in his mouth. Out of nowhere, he took his pacifier out of his mouth and decided to throw it across the restaurant. It landed right in this poor lady's glass of water. My husband and I were so embarrassed, but the lady and her husband were very kind and thought it was hilarious. They were older and said they had grandchildren, so they understood. After they left, our waitress told us that they had paid our tab! I thought it was a super nice thing to do, considering my son had just contaminated her glass of water!"
3. "I'm a teacher, and I was at work in an empty classroom with a handful of other teachers after hours. My child (3 or 4 at the time) was sitting on another teacher's lap, who they just adored. We’re all talking and having a nice time when suddenly, my sweet, sweet child most excitedly goes, 'Your teeth are my favorite color! Yellow!!!' I have never seen somebody’s face turn that shade of red. I could have died right then and there. Thankfully, the teacher was an angel of a person and took the 'compliment' gracefully, as I quickly changed the subject and proceeded to apologize in private."
4. "My daughter was 2 and she came into the garage where I had been working out. She coughed and farted at the same time, looked at me with a serious expression, and said, 'I farted, and it was juicy!'"
5. "I'm not a parent, but I have three nieces. When my oldest niece was around 4, she was talking to a (male) family friend about her dogs. She said, 'I have boy dogs. That means they have penises, just like you!' We all tried not to laugh because we didn't want her to feel embarrassed about using proper terms, but it was hilarious."
6. "It was the middle of December, and we went out for dinner. It was snowing outside, so the restaurant was uncrowded and fairly quiet. My 3-year-old daughter ripped an enormous fart and squealed, 'MY BUTT SAID MERRY CHRISTMAS!'"
7. "I was driving with my toddler, and out of nowhere she said, 'Fuck, fuck, fuck!' I told her right away not to say that word because it was really bad and not a nice thing to say. Later that week, I was reading a lift the flap book and read, 'Look, there's a fox under this stump.' My toddler gasped and said, 'No, mommy! That's a really bad word! We can't say that.' She had been saying fox..."
8. "Do you remember the JG Wentworth commercials where they'd say, 'It's my money, and I need it now!'? I was on my way to pick up my 5-year-old from school and my 3-year-old was in the backseat. I stopped at a red light, and my 3-year-old rolled down the window and very loudly said, IT'S MY MONEY, AND I NEED IT NOW!' Everyone was looking at my car, and I couldn't stop laughing!"
9. "My daughter was 5 at the time. I was using the bathroom in one of Target's stalls. Obviously, she was in there with me, and as I was pulling up my pants, she turned, pointed, and said, 'Mommy, why do you have feathers?' I was so embarrassed, I couldn't even get a word out. Good times."
10. "My then-4-year-old daughter was with me as I shopped. She pointed to a frozen, basted turkey and shouted, 'Mum! Are we getting a bastard turkey?'"
11. "When my daughter was little, she made this massive poop in the potty. When I asked her where all that poop came from, she beamed at me and said, 'Santa got me that for Christmas!'"
12. "My son and I were at his yearly checkup. He was 6 at the time. His pediatrician, who was nearing retirement, was finishing my son’s exam when he asked my son if he had any questions. Without missing a beat, my son asked, 'Do octopuses have penises?'"
13. "When my kid was 2, she once shouted, 'Mommy, I just love COX!' on a crowded street because she was so excited to recognize the word 'Cox' on a parked van (which was the name of the cable company in our area). It just sounded so wrong in her tiny, little girl voice!"
14. "My kid used to enjoy opening the bathroom stall while I was on the toilet. It's pretty normal for them to loudly yell about me farting, whether I did or didn't."
15. "We were sitting at the pool during vacation, and the kids were splashing around. My son, who was 3 but an excellent talker, excitedly asked, 'Mama, why is that old lady so old? Are you sure she's not dead? Can we ask her?' I could have died."
16. "When my son was about 2, he found a rubber band and was enthralled with how it could stretch, so he went around 'measuring' everything with it. If it stretched a lot, it was big, and if it didn't stretch much, it was small. I was making supper, half listening to him measure everything — 'This is big. This is small. This is really small!' Next thing I know, he comes over to me, stretches it across my butt, and goes, 'Wow, that's REALLY big!' I laughed with him, but ouch!"
17. "After my 6-year-old witnessed me have a frightening anxiety attack, I tried to explain later that 'Mommy’s mind can sometimes make her really sick.' With a straight face and genuine concern, he told me, 'Maybe if you ate less of my Halloween candy, you’d feel better.' Thanks, pal."
18. "My husband, 3-year-old son (who barely spoke at that age), and I were completing some paperwork at the reception desk at a doctor’s office. After a few minutes of quietly listening to us talk to the receptionist about things like insurance and prior authorizations, my son slammed his fists on the desk and screamed, 'SHOW ME THE SILLY!' The receptionist was 100% unfazed."
19. 'Early one morning, while preparing to drop my infant son off at daycare and head to work, he dropped a big load in his diaper. I put him on the floor, pulled out a fresh diaper, and set it next to him. Then, I pulled out the baby wipes, and of course they were empty. So, I had to run upstairs for a fresh pack. I got back downstairs, started the changing process, then reached for the fresh diaper, but it was gone. I looked around, and the diaper was under a table across the room! My son was laughing at me! At that point, he wasn't old enough to poop in a toilet, but he was old enough for jokes."
20. "I have type 1 diabetes. My daughter went around telling people that her mom has diarrhea."
21. "While grocery shopping with my 4-year-old, I put some Naked brand juice in the cart. He loudly proclaimed, 'Yay! I love when you get Naked for me!' Every eye in the store turned towards us!"
22. Finally: "When my kid was 2, he crawled under the table at a restaurant and announced VERY loudly that he was pooping."
Hahaha, oh gosh. Is your kid a little comedic genius? Have they ever majorly embarrassed you? Tell us all about it in the comments!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.