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    Tour Guides Are Sharing The Dumbest Things They've Ever Witnessed American Tourists Do And Say, And Wow, I Weep For Humanity

    No ma'am, the zebras do not lay eggs.

    American tourists don't always have the best reputation. While so many are respectful, kind, and curious on their trips, there are a few out there that act up and give the rest of us a bad name.

    Reddit user u/LanadelNay posed the question, "Tour guides of Reddit, what's the stupidest thing you've witnessed a tourist say or do?" The thread filled with hundreds of hilarious and shocking stories. Here are some of the most noteworthy:

    1. "I used to work for a ski resort in Colorado for a summer. Texans were notorious for silly questions. A lady asked me in total seriousness, 'How did you get cement up on that mountain?' I looked where they were pointing, and she was referring to the residual snow on the mountaintop. They actually thought we covered a mountain peak in concrete. It was a facepalm moment."

    snow-covered mountains in Colorado with an arrow and the words "not cement"

    2. "In Washington, DC, while on a tour of the Washington Monument, one lady asked why it's called the Washington Monument when it doesn't look anything like him."


    3. "My uncle used to be a tour guide in Iceland. He once guided a group of Americans around the country and stopped at a glacier in the middle of nowhere. He explained to the group that the glacier had been here for thousands of years and wouldn't melt. The group then went back to the bus, but my uncle noticed one of the women was carrying a big piece of the glacier with her. He stopped her and said, 'I'm sorry, but you can't bring that onto the bus. It will melt.' The woman quickly responded, 'But you said it doesn't melt.' My uncle stood there for a while, dumbfounded by the sheer amount of stupidity, then said, 'OK, but you'll have to put it in your backpack and keep it in there for the whole journey.' The woman readily agreed, and made space in her bag. Needless to say, the ice melted in her bag."

    melting ice cubes and the word "oops"

    4. "I used to live and work in a national park. One lady was very upset that the animals weren't groomed. She got quite irate over it. She thought we should take more pride in their appearance. I was dumbfounded."


    5. "I worked as a tour guide in Alaska and had an American tourist ask about the exchange rate."

    thinking emoji over george washington's face on a dollar bill

    6. "I work at a drive-through zoo. I drive a horse-drawn wagon, and while I was explaining the difference between an ostrich and an emu egg, a woman in her 40s asked me how big our zebra's egg was. I had to explain how mammals give birth to a grown woman with three kids."


    7. "I was in the Louvre and ended up talking to some American guy for about 15 minutes. At the end of the conversation, he complimented me on my English and accent. I was like, 'Dude, I'm from Oregon.'"

    shrugging man and the text "i'm from oregon"

    8. "I had a college professor who spent some time as a hunting guide in Alaska. He told us a story about a client from the lower 48 who contracted the guide company to take him out into the wilderness via helicopter and drop him off for a solo hunt. On the way, they warned the client of recent bear activity in the area, and the client assured them that he had bear spray and was prepared. Satisfied with his response, they dropped the guy off and left. During their ascent, they noticed him frantically rolling around on the ice, so they dropped back down to see what was wrong. The guy had applied the bear spray to himself as a repellent to keep the bears away. I'm not sure what their next step was, but I assume that was the end of his solo hunt."


    9. "I'm a tour guide in a pretty large cave, and last week I had a guy point at a pile of cinder blocks on the side of one of the paths and ask, 'So, are those naturally occurring down here?'"

    pile of cinder blocks and the words "Nature is beautiful"

    10. "When I was in France touring WWI and WWII memorials, the actual tour guide didn't speak English, so I was commissioned to be the translator for all the British and American tourists. I was assistant to the regional tour guide, so I hope my story counts! We were at Verdun, and it was a pretty free-for-all tour where the kids could somewhat play alongside the craters' edges. A middle-aged American woman said, 'Wow, all of the craters and hills here must have been really convenient for the fighting! They're lucky they picked such a location!' LADY, ARE YOU FOR REAL?"


    11. "An American tourist on a 'midnight sun' trip in Norway asked where the midnight sun was. She actually thought that it was a different sun that came out after midnight."

    "where is the sun?" over the midnight sun in norway

    12. "I worked at the visitor's center in Gettysburg for a while. Here are some of my favorite questions we ever got: 'Do they take the monuments in at night, or just leave them on the battlefield?' 'Why aren't there any bullet holes in the monuments?'"


    13. "I once overheard a tourist ask a sunset cruise captain in Key West, 'How many sunset cruises do you do a day?' The captain just looked at him until the tourist went, 'Oh. Oh yeah...' and walked away sheepishly."

    "third one of the day" over a boat sailing at sunset

    14. "I was a tour guide for the Confederate White House in Richmond, Virginia, where Jefferson Davis stayed while president of the Confederacy. I had a family come in thinking they had arrived at the actual, real White House. It took me a second to realize they were serious."


    15. "When I worked at the Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area, a lady asked me, 'When do they turn on the waterfalls?'"

    "we turn the water on at noon" over the waterfalls

    16. "I was on a tour of the Vatican, and one person seriously kept asking when we would get to meet the pope."


    17. "As a raft guide, we regularly got asked whether we would be passing the same spot/going through the same rapid later in the journey. We would reply, 'Why, yes! This is actually one of the only circular rivers in the world!'"

    "wow, a circular river" over people rafting

    18. "When I was in Yellowstone National Park, a tourist tried to take a picture with some bison. He had his 3-year-old child with him, and he was walking toward the bison. His wife was holding the camera, ready to take the picture. He was trying to put his kid onto the bison or set up some other type of idiotic pose. Fortunately, a park ranger stopped him before anything serious happened. Apparently this is fairly common in Yellowstone, and most people are maimed or killed. Wild animals are wild. Stay away."


    19. "I was visiting the National Mall and overheard a little girl asking her mom to see the White House. The mother yelled at her that they were standing right in front of it. We were all actually in front of the Capitol building."

    "actually not the white house" over the capitol building

    20. "In Wyoming, it is common to buy bear spray (highly concentrated pepper spray) when heading into Yellowstone. One tourist believed it was bear repellent, lined up his family, and sprayed all of them. Chemical burns for everyone!"


    21. "I used to give tours on a glacial lake in Alaska. It never ceased to amaze me how many tourists asked if there were whales in the lake."

    22. "I used to work at a tourist attraction in Texas, and we got some people who had visited the Alamo on their vacation who asked us, 'Why did they build the Alamo in the middle of the city?'"


    23. "I used to be a Jet Ski tour guide down in Key West. I had a group of tourists ask if they could swim under the island, as if we were just a floating mass out in the ocean."

    "do not swim under the island" over the shoreline of key west

    24. "My great-aunt is a tour guide at Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson. She had a school group come through, and at the end of the tour, the teacher leaned over to my aunt and said, 'Wow, they did a really great job with this! It looks like the real Monticello!'"


    25. "I worked in Yellowstone National Park for a summer and enjoyed spending some downtime taking tours my ranger friends conducted. My favorite dumb questions include: 'When do you guys take out the bears?' 'Can we ride the elk?' and, 'If the volcano is going to kill us all tomorrow, why can't I take rocks home with me?'"

    an elk in a field, with the text "Don't you dare"

    26. "I used to work at a ski/snowboard shop that did rentals in Colorado. The shop was right next to where you take I-70 into the mountains, so we got a lot of tourists. A couple from Florida came in with their kid to get rentals, saw that we filled CO2 tanks (for paintball and such), and the mom asked, 'Oh, is that so you can breathe up in the mountains?' I just kinda stared at her until I realized she was being serious."


    27. "I used to be a tour guide in Hawaii. I was once asked, 'Does water go all the way around the island?'"

    "yep" over aerial shot of a hawaiian island

    28. Finally: "I work at Epcot in Disney World. One day, I was walking to my break when a guest asked me, completely seriously, 'When are you guys gonna put the dome up? It's raining!' I had to stifle a laugh and explain that we don't have a dome that covers Disney World when it rains."


    Let's just hope these people had a serious case of "vacation brain." What's the dumbest thing you've ever witnessed a tourist say or do? Tell us in the comments!

    Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.