1. Debate is not a sport for you, it is the sport.
2. You have known your Miranda Rights by heart since you could talk.
3. You always went on "educational" vacations.
You want to go to Mexico with your friends? Too bad.
4. You drive your friends crazy when you call out all the mistakes made in Law and Order: SVU.
5. You have no idea what it's like to get in a screaming match.
6. You don't simply complain about poor services or inconveniences.
7. You've always had free representation at traffic hearings, where you obviously fought the ticket.
Pro tip: if you bring a lawyer, you get to cut the line.
8. You are very familiar with the use of (sc)air quotes.
9. The prospect of going to small claims court excites you.
There is no claim to small, no amount too trivial.