20 Iconic TV Couples Who Really Should've Worked On Their Relationships

Our rose-tinted glasses made us miss the red flags.

We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us which TV couples they love, but are actually pretty toxic. Here's what they said.

🚨 This post has mentions of emotional abuse within relationships. 🚨

1. Jane and Rafael from Jane the Virgin

The CW

"Their relationship was built on lust, drama, and the fact that they shared a kid. Rafael never put Jane first, or even Mateo for that matter. When Michael came back, Rafael was the one who brought him back into their lives, but he still got super jealous and didn't give her space to figure out what she wanted. Michael and Jane were a much better and healthier relationship."

—constantlytired

youtube.com

2. Serena and Dan from Gossip Girl

The CW

"I don’t even think adult Dan actually liked Serena as a person, and he certainly didn’t help Serena to grow as a person. They were good for each other in the beginning but definitely not in the end."

—sailentino

youtube.com

3. Burke and Christina from Grey's Anatomy

ABC

"He always pushed her to do everything he wanted to do, and dismissed her needs. When she was indecisive or unsure of what to do, he gave her ultimatums and pushed her. I'm not surprised he left her at the altar, as she wasn't turning into the submissive woman he clearly wanted."

—glouisebell

youtube.com

4. Carrie and Mr Big from Sex and the City

HBO

"He brought out the worst in her, from being jealous to cheating. He kept messing around and popping back into her life when things were going well for her."

—brittanyd467510fc0

"These two were so toxic in pretty much every way possible. She was definitely better (and happier) with Aiden. I cringe every time I think of the affair she had while with him."

—brehuston

youtube.com

5. Mr. Bates and Anna from Downton Abbey

ITV

"He was controlling and definitely had anger issues. People loved them but I don’t get it."

—annelister

youtube.com

6. Turk and Carla from Scrubs

NBC

"There were so many secrets and so much deception between them, it was hard to root for them, even though I love them both separately."

—ellesevensten

youtube.com

7. Dre and Bow from Black-ish

ABC

"Let’s just be honest here, they have some HIGH KEY toxicity."

—radiantcloud98

8. Stef and Lena from The Fosters

Freeform / ABC

"This is probably an unpopular opinion, but they constantly fought and never really resolved their issues. They would yell at each other and then just apologise. Yeah, it’s nice that they apologised, but they never would fix the main issue that caused the argument."

—theofficialhelena

youtube.com

9. Clarke and Lexa from The 100

ABC

"They literally only knew each other for a few weeks, Lexa’s actions forced Clarke (and Monty and Bellamy) to commit genocide to save their people, and then Lexa had Clarke kidnapped afterwards. Their relationship in season 3 didn’t feel in character for Clarke. I don’t consider them positive queer rep."

—annahill95

youtube.com

10. Simon and Daphne from Bridgerton

Netflix

"Simon was very clear about not wanting to get married, but he pursued something with Daphne, knowing that refusing to marry her would ruin her reputation. He only married her because she basically emotionally blackmailed him into it. There were issues on both sides, and that was the show doing its best to make them likeable and sympathetic, because they were even worse in the original book."

—winkywonkydonkey

youtube.com

11. Mitch and Cam from Modern Family

ABC

"They were constantly trying to compete and outdo each other, and barely did anything romantic together. I can only think of a few episodes where they weren't going after completely different goals, and they always seemed to get on each other's nerves."

–hanifarahman

"Did they trust each other at all?"

—thatgirla

youtube.com

12. Meredith and Derek from Grey’s Anatomy

ABC

"They may have seemed like a perfect couple but there were so many toxic aspects. He never saw her career as worthy as his. They got together while Derek was still married to Addison, then Derek broke up with her to get back with Addison, and then had the audacity to slut-shame Meredith for sleeping with other men. He also used other women to make Meredith jealous."

—xdaniellax

youtube.com

13. Ross and Rachel from Friends

NBC

"Hands down THE worst on-screen couple. Ross was wildly jealous, insecure, controlling, and even condescending. They were constantly fighting and breaking up and had zero redeeming factors to them."

—markgreene11

"Ross was in love with an idealised Rachel, and Rachel was in love with the fact Ross was in love with her. They weren’t in the relationship for any of the right reasons, and weren’t able to handle things maturely when pressure was applied."

—jbmasta

youtube.com

14. Danny and Mindy from The Mindy Project

Fox / Hulu

"They were great together until baby Leo was born. Then Danny expected Mindy to stay home and read to the baby all day, put down her career (even though they were both doctors), and even tracked her ovulation to try to get her pregnant again!"

—sunnygrace57

youtube.com

15. Bernadette and Howard from The Big Bang Theory

CBS

"Howard was a codependent manchild and serial harasser until, inexplicably, he married the mature, independent, Bernadette. He never stopped being a codependent manchild, while Bernadette changed her entire life path (never wanting kids until suddenly having two?!) for him. Bernadette deserved better, and Howard should've grown up and stopped being so selfish before taking that step."

—colleend9

youtube.com

16. Marshall and Lily from How I Met Your Mother

CBS

"They didn't communicate properly and expected to maintain "couple goals" within their friend group."

—sharrisf

youtube.com

17. Rory and Logan from Gilmore Girls

The WB / CW

"Rory became a spoiled brat and Logan was already a spoiled brat. they didn't communicate and had nothing in common. Also, Logan cheated while they were 'on a break,' and couldn't understand the meaning of 'no'."

—s463b03bd4

youtube.com

18. Joey and Pacey from Dawson's Creek

The WB

"Now full disclosure, I was 100% team Pacey up until I rewatched Dawson's Creek last year (thank you lockdown), and whilst I am not Team Dawson, I now think Joey deserved better than both of them! Pacey and Joey were relationship goals up until they came back from their summer on the boat. Before this they were sweet, caring, loving, and their chemistry sparked, but after Pacey became a massive jerk because of his crippling insecurities."

—dharmashark

youtube.com

19. Luke and Lorelai from Gilmore Girls

The WB / CW

"I stopped finding them to be cute after the first couple of seasons. They continuously disrespected each other's boundaries and were never good at communication. Their wedding scene in the reboot was cute, but other than that, I don't think their relationships was as iconic and flawless as made out to be."

—ebialosky

youtube.com

20. Jim and Pam from The Office

NBC

"Not only did Jim and Pam have communication issues, but after they got together there was a huge feeling of superiority between them and everyone else in the office. It seemed like they thought they were better than them just because they got together, and they were either mean or manipulative to their 'friends.'"

—ahsoka400

youtube.com

Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.

Which well-loved couple do you think are toxic? Tell us in the comments! Follow the BuzzFeed Community on Facebook and Twitter if you want to be be featured in similar posts!