1.
Dumbledore: Voldemort killed MANY wizards, but he couldn't kill you because of your mother's love for you Harry: it's so sad Dumbledore: yes Harry: sad that none of those other wizards had mothers who loved them. DUNK! Dumbledore: oh damn sick burn
2.
harry potter: pls help everyone wants to kill me dumbledore: hey im so glad u reached out. im actually at capacity/helping someone whos in crisis/dealing with some personal stuff right now, & i dont think i can hold appropriate space for u. could we connect [later date or time]
3.
Forgot Ron Weasley's name earlier so I called him "Magic Ed Sheeran."
4.
things that would have made harry potter better: - engorgio on dicks - details on how hagrids parents fucked - spell to fix harry’s eyesight - swearing - voldemort was Always in that suit from the ootp film
5.
severus snape, dying: harry.............your mom was fine as hell. she was so fucking hot. i wanted to bang the shit out of her but she friendzoned me for your dumbass chad father. *dies* harry: wow. he was a great man after all
6.
dumbledore: harry must be safe snape: ok but can i be a dick to him dumbledore: what snape: like, idk, if i wanted to tell him he’s an even bigger pathetic fucken loser than his dead dad i can right lol dumbledore: are u okay
7.
dumbledore with dumbledore with gryffindor the other hogwarts houses
8.
harry potter has so much money yet he dresses like shit. have we ever talked about this? no wonder draco malfoy is mean to him
9.
harry potter if he was a vlogger 1. i killed my professor 2. HOW TO SURVIVE A BASILISK ATTACK (w/ tips) 3. my stalker tried to kill me 4. i saw my crush’s boyfriend die? 5. O.W.L.S vlog (gone wrong!) 6. girlfriend tag! (ft. ginny weasley) 7. I DIED + CAME BACK (not clickbait)
10.
📍Voldemort l l l ——————————-l l 📍Simply throwing | baby Harry out the | window. | | ——————————— | | 📍Using Avada Kedavra and it backfiring
11.
I really love how unabashedly horny Bellatrix Lestange is. Like, just a middle-aged married lady who gets off on the idea of fucking a snake-dude. Her horniness is off the charts and she doesn’t care, she wants EVERYONE to know that she would suck Voldemort’s dick in a trice
12.
[books 1-5] harry: how do i defeat voldemort dumbledore: love your friends. [books 6-7] harry: how do i defeat voldemort dumbledore: ok so he split his soul into 7 maybe 8 pieces idk yet but they're all in hidden items and also inside of you so you also have to kinda die and
13.
Dumbledore in Goblet of Fire is like: hey kids, welcome to the Death Olympics! I've invited my friends - the French, and the Nazis. if you need any help go ask your new teacher, who is visibly drunk
14.
harry potter: voldemort returned. i saw him. the entire magical community: we dont believe you. harry potter: give me the truth serum. the entire magical community: for some reason no.
15.
harry potter concerns in his third year at hogwarts ○ the return of voldemort ○ a massive “murderer” coming for his ass ● not being able to go to hogsmeade
16.
Not to be controversial but did Hogwarts even have a theatre program?
17.
hermione: i miss my parents dumbledore: you had to modify their memories to keep them safe, even if it meant you don’t exist, it was very selfless of you hermione: thank you sir dumbledore: now take this time travel device so you can go back and save a flying horse eagle