1.
Just paid £187 for a train ticket. If the inspector doesn’t turn up, I’m going looking for him.
2.
there was a week when we all got really into sea shanties https://t.co/74FuV6vRW0
3.
Incredible
4.
Ok I'll be the one to say it. The outside rungs of the clothes airer are reserved for the very best. The washing basket A-listers.
5.
I just have to release these WhatsApp messages… It’s in the public interest to get urgent answers …that’s why I’m serialising them bit by bit in The Telegraph.
6.
Hype me up like a Mohamed Hadid IG caption
7.
the staff in tesco press the ‘customer is clearly over 25’ button a bit too confidently these days
8.
Old Street roundabout is a pyramid scheme cos why are you still under construction
9.
Some people see snow outside, I see small talk fodder. The office kitchen won't know what's hit it today. Snowing in March, almost hard to believe isnt it. So much for global warming 🤣. No im not finished with the microwave yet Steve it's soup im not gonna eat it cold am I mate.
10.
Me religiously following all the match of the day updates despite never watching a full game of football in my life
11.
Screaming at Molly Mae putting her Chanel right next to her baby to make the pic look aesthetically pleasing
12.
Ugh here we go, the days between International Women’s Day and Battle of the Boyne where everyday is like a blur
13.
Every meeting ever
14.
I had a wedding for my cat and dog https://t.co/Z5vctUrAA8
15.
https://t.co/QdvjQmPCqK
16.
This has caused an “I’m proud of you x” text from an ex that said he most likely wouldn’t cry or care if I died when we were together 👍🏾 https://t.co/9u8tCYy4jM
17.
Time to activate plan B #Eurovision
18.
I have informed the BBC that I am very much available for tomorrow’s #MOTD
19.
The price of salmon is seriously enough to send me into shock I have to pay with my eyes closed
20.
Can't wait to get sued for having a pet aisle https://t.co/BUFm8ESpJ4
21.
Nothing but respect for my Sugababes.
22.
It is better to remain silent and be thought of as a fool, than to open your mouth and have loads of bees fly in. That would really suck
23.
Best anti-smoking campaign https://t.co/XXK8peDhyY
24.
Quick tip if your neighbours have really loud/annoying kids - just spray paint the word 'nonce' on your garage.
25.
her little dance when she walks in never gets old https://t.co/Yt53FDULcA
26.
@AlexScott BBC announces that, going forward, members of the public will be called upon at random for compulsory Match of the Day presenting duty, like jury service.
27.
All that money spent cleaning up and redeveloping Kings Cross Square, and they’ve plonked a big purple sweet shop in the middle of it
28.
Suella Braverman hosting Match of the Day this weekend. ⚽️🥲#MOTD #garylineker #ianwright #alanshearer
Thumbnail credits: BBC