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100 Of The Funniest British Tweets Of The Decade

British Twitter rules all, don't @ us.

1.

jst realised ‘mamma mia’ sounds like a northerner telling their mam theyre home n ive never been so amused

2.

Bart Simpson having a shite next to me

3.

my ex just slid into my DMs with the “this song reminds me of us” youtube drop but rather than link the song he accidentally linked andy carroll’s bicycle kick goal against crystal palace. cool

4.

shoutout to the goth spar in carmarthen 💀

5.

I remember when a guy who we were camping with at bestival asked if he could use my Grindr in 10 mins, so 10 mins later, when he came back to me, I said sure let me just log out, and then I found out he meant a weed grinder and that was the last time I spoke to a straight man.

6.

Customers just asked me what perfume I've got on, didn't have the heart to tell her I'd febreze'd myself so I said it were Marc Jacobs ffs

7.

8.

Do American McDonald’s have bouncers aswell or are we just animals

9.

8 year old me when my mum made me ring people to thank them for my birthday presents

10.

Nobody: JK Rowling: https://t.co/ISXNH6IaC8

11.

So..., my dad had a top of a pic of me when I was younger (mum got it him as joke don’t ask) n I wore it to chill so she washed it at night, came back the nxt day n screamed

12.

Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in Titanic (1997)

13.

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1000s of pictures you have of them sleeping

14.

I saw this and thought Lloyd’s TSB were moving mad https://t.co/SvHcohMIRK

15.

One taught me love, one taught me patience, one taught me pain

16.

17.

When I go to my mum’s room to say bye and she starts cussing out my outfit and makeup.

18.

The Postman writing a red slip for your package after lightly knocking the door once

19.

If you leave a child in your car during this hot Glasgow weather please ensure a window is open so they can at least have a fag

20.

David: plays a secret chord The lord:

21.

What the Soleros see when I open the freezer.

22.

If your names Hannah and your boyfriend is flying to Magaluf with 5 lads from Manchester today, I’m sorry to break it to you but I’ve just overheard him and his mates clap as the plane landed

23.

24.

UK guys at house parties be like ‘bro this song is on fifa 13!’

25.

The fox I planted last year is coming along nicely.

26.

Went down to breakfast, came back up and the Maids cleaned the room and made the bed with Henry still sleeping 😭😭😭😭😩😩

27.

London, here, reminding me that I can’t even afford to die.

28.

29.

when I'm depressed I remember the time Bear Grylls was stung by a bee and morphed into Benedict Cumberbatch and I find that that helps a lot

30.

Three years ago, I married the love of my life and my sister fell over

31.

32.

Some guy in Gregg’s in Cumnock moaning about his sausage roll being ‘stane caul.’ Handed it back to the woman to feel it and she’s like ‘aye it will be stane caul, that’s yer eclair’ 😂

33.

My dad’s mate overslept his alarm and had to get on a flight within an hour so he shoved all the clothes on his bed into his suitcase, but when he got to the airport he found out he’d packed his fucking cat AHAHAHAHAHHAHAH I’m not even lying😂😂😂😂

34.

as soon as tipping point finishes

35.

hate it when people refer to sausage and mash as bangers and mash sorry i didn't see the club is alive by JLS on your plate

36.

Train stuck at Cockfosters owing to giant woman in tunnel. I wouldn't mind but this is the third time in a month. Yet again the staff chase her into the darkness with a big net but she vanishes.

37.

star war seating in movie a church 🤝 pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew

38.

Do you lot remember come outside when that woman used to fly to Tesco n stuff in her plane? and now we have a climate crisis thanks pippin

39.

My worst nightmare is Spotify randomly throwing out an Ed Sheeran song whilst I'm driving and then I crash and die but it keeps playing so the first responders think I was an Ed Sheeran fan and they tell my mum and I end up being cremated to fucking Shape of You.

40.

41.

My period tracker apps the same colour as the trainline one. Just showed a bemused inspector that I’m ovulating.

42.

When your mum finds love with a waiter in Zante

43.

Want to feel old? This is what Macaulay Culkin looks like now.

44.

My aunty keeps accidentally linking gay p*rn to me on instagram!

45.

me: *dips digestive in tea* digestive: https://t.co/EfWv0q4bAw

46.

all I see is hummus https://t.co/0zJnA4oqS2

47.

Honestly can’t believe Shirley from Eastenders pulled off all these different moods wearing the same damn look

48.

Fair play to the man, he's eaten his fucking coat too

49.

pingu was peppa pig before that slab of ham even had a second of notoriety. a true mischievous ice non-gender specific icon. couldn't even understand what was being said but you know it was shady.

50.

Grant Holt has given his children some very strange names

51.

I honestly have no idea why my mother has done this. 🤔

52.

53.

54.

Nandos toilet https://t.co/BQHRTP8IoT

55.

56.

Why does your mum text like a pirate? https://t.co/EpFEKte18d

57.

I’ll never forget when someone tweeted how she was on a date with a guy & told him she liked his Michael jackson tattoo & he said “that’s my mum” yo I cried 😂😂

58.

Two black queens ❤️❤️❤️❤️ https://t.co/566BBsQ1Bb

59.

Can’t believe TFL built a rollercoaster round East London and named it DLR

60.

I’ve just convinced my mate that the inside of a cheese grater is in fact, a sick new nightclub

61.

62.

Whats App tales. Hi dad, you ok? How's things? Will you be home next week, I'll pop round. Dad is typing.. Dad is typing... Dad is typing... Dad is typing.... Dad is typing... Dad is typing... Dad is typing... Dad is typing... Dad is typing... Dad is STILL typing... Dad: Yes

63.

64.

this hotel kindly invites me to decide whether I am BODYGUARD or VAMPIRE

65.

When you're friends with kids from the year above

66.

My 127 year old baby says thank you but please let her die now

67.

PISS IN THE FROG'S MOUTH LIKE A MEN!!

68.

I hope in 30 years they make This Is England 17 and it's just a bunch of girls in joni jeans shagging guys in corsas in maccies car park

69.

70.

mum offered me a bottle of vodka they've had for ages nd had to say no cus i know it's 70% water from me stealing it when i was 16

71.

When your duck is actually really posh

72.

Just want you all to know that yesterday I heard someone describe San Pellegrino Aranciata as ‘Tory Fanta’

73.

Still can't stop laughing at the fact someone accepted this as a fiver in work

74.

MR BLOBBY!!!!!! I’LL FIND WHOEVER DID THIS TO YOU!!!

75.

Ma sisters just told me her pal canny get Indians delivered cause she lives on Curry Street n they think it's a prank call

76.

British autumn - expectations vs reality

77.

Coming soon to Thorpe Park: the value of the pound

78.

lasagna friend who doesn’t talk 🤝 silent g

79.

80.

Mum, that's not a picture of Jesus

81.

fuck off only Weetabix is allowed to be in landscape

82.

Another lacklustre effort from Enid Blyton

83.

Have... have you got any from a cow

84.

REPORTER, WALKING UP REGENT ST: one can only imagine what Londoners are thinking now LONDONERS: why is this prick walking SO SLOWLY

85.

86.

In this photo Theresa May looks like she is being treated at the roadside after a minor traffic collision.

87.

This entire shelf of own-brand cereals sounds like an old English army Major, trying to find a euphemism for gay men.

88.

89.

Maybe it sounds more family friendly with an American accent.

90.

Somewhat dubious scenes spotted in the background of a friend's 4yo's school book

91.

92.

93.

Alright stop, refrigerate and listen

94.

95.

When yer Granda's dressed lit a creme egg

96.

We have to stop saying Brexit, because Stan thinks we are saying biscuits.

97.

It's great how the Eggheads have now been given Gladiator-style names.

98.

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you

99.

100.

"Do you think people will know that says arise?" "Yeah, go for it"