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    26 British Tweets That Made Me Snort With Laughter This Week

    "Whispering 'thank you for changing my life' to my uniqlo cross-body bag"


    Little boy on the train (to me): Want to know what my name is? Me: Ok. Little boy: It's Artichoke Marie. His mum: Kamal! Little boy: Sshhh!

    Twitter: @MirandaKeeling


    Why am i just discovering a drag act by the name of SUE DECREME ! British drag names are just fucking stupid as fuckkk and i love it

    Twitter: @ysheeblack


    i got so gassed to see my work email us a free Costa voucher for me to click it for it to say it was a test and sent me to a training module for phishing and fraud attacks ………. monday morning ruined I can’t be fat in peace

    Twitter: @nsheeeen


    Trying to complete one task and not buy myself a little treat afterwards:

    Twitter: @camillard


    Sorry for eavesdropping but there are two French guys chatting nearby; one of them said 'I have two brothers' and went on to family pets, and it's raised my hopes that maybe real French people do speak exclusively in the phrases you learn at GCSE level.

    Twitter: @watsoncomedian


    🚨 EXCLUSIVE: Ariana DeBose will represent the United Kingdom at #Eurovision2023 with her smash hit rap track “Angela Bassett” 🇬🇧

    Twitter: @adamsOliver_


    Twitter: @DankAckroyd


    i’ve actually been successfully trialling the four day week for years by just not doing any work on a friday

    Twitter: @heyitsandy_


    (NOT) Matt Berry calls Rishi Sunak unhappy about the food shortage

    Twitter: @BenKearns6


    I lost a nipple cover in Camden last night. If you find it, please test it out on every breast in the land in turn. Once you find me, the owner of the perfect nipple, we shall marry promptly, in front of the nation. Fairy tales do come true.

    Twitter: @josierones


    Twitter: @dealzjr


    i think i am part of shrek hive you know. til this day the little gingerbread man saying "ok...i'll tell you know...the muffin man" is so funny to me idk why i actually love that film

    Twitter: @SmileGena


    I’ve been using my Superdrug card for 10+ years. I’ve made several £100+ purchases over the years so I decided to ask how many points I have. They said I’ve NEARLY got £1 😳😳

    Twitter: @SadeLoves_xox


    Tonight I met Frances Bacon. She is a PUB PIG

    Twitter: @CityJohn


    Whispering “thank you for changing my life” to my uniqlo cross-body bag

    Twitter: @fairfairisles


    Yesterday in Amsterdam I totally got Brit shamed... 🇬🇧😂

    Twitter: @richyj1504


    Twitter: @Drooan


    A lady at the airport brought her own personal tube of mayonnaise. I’ve yassified her to maintain anonymity but she’s my hero.

    Twitter: @michcoll


    If anyone is interested we are currently in this scene from the simpsons

    Twitter: @JimMFelton


    best airline I've ever flown. I got a Wizz Air flight last month and the cabin crew ignored everyone onboard - no food/drinks trolley, nothing - because the front cabin crew were feuding with the back cabin crew. at one point what I HOPE was not the only pilot came out to mediate

    Twitter: @ZoePaskett


    The British Problems subreddit is usually absolutely dire but this one is utterly pitch perfect and I’ve never felt more sorry for someone.

    Twitter: @JackTindale


    The best type of pancake is the humble lemon and sugar. I always respect anyone who tries to innovate but we've had the Rolls Royce right here in the garage the entire time. Let's pay our dues to the classics for a minute shall we. Enjoy everyone.

    Twitter: @townsendyesmate


    working on a theory that everyone in the UK has a specific branch in mind if you were to say the words “chaos costa”

    Twitter: @ImogenWK


    So I saw this wee clown fella down the sewer. I say wee but truth be told he was about 6 foot 3, or was it 6 foot 4? Can't be sure because there was a balloon in the way. But anyway he was around 6 foot 4, let's say 6 foot 3 and a half to be safe, and he had this big grin on

    Twitter: @Cassiesmyth


    I PROMISE you. Every single question you could possibly have about British people can be answered in this short clip from this Children's show.

    Twitter: @TheCartelDel


    Alison Hammond is currently interviewing Wagner on This Morning. my Oprah 💕

    Twitter: @jackrooke