Hey there, internet venturers and welcome to another rendition of Help Me Hameda, the fortnightly column where I offer up advice to lovely readers who send their dilemmas to my DMs.
The thing about life, time, experience and progress is that we all have to face it as we grow up. This means that we often cross paths with different people and do different things that help shape our selves and our lives. Sometimes, these experiences can be difficult, embarrassing or devastating in the moment — but often they're invaluable in helping us to learn and evolve.
Every person you encounter in your life, whether it's for a brief period or life-long, is usually going to impact your perceptions in various ways, moulding your mind into what it is in the present.
And sometimes, the people you thought would never enter your life again just show up again — forcing you to take a good, hard look at your past. This is the case for this week's sweet DMer, who's walking into quite the awkward scenario.
There's quite a lot to unpack here, so let's get right to it. Firstly, it's totally fine to have had more sexual partners than your current squeeze. In my opinion, your past (either of yours) is irrelevant. The point is that you've now reached a point where you're desirable to each other. I mean, there's a reason you're together, right? And like I said, each experience and relationship has moulded and shaped you into who are you are today — and therefore the person that they chose.
I can see why your current boyfriend might've felt uneasy or uncomfortable with you communicating with someone who you had hooked up with, and it's great that he acknowledges that this is not a great stance to have.
Like I said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being friends with someone you've slept with, so long as there aren't and lingering feelings between the two of you — because that might pave the way for something much messier. If that's your thing, cool. If you're trying to avoid total chaos, maybe dodge that particular ex.
I'm not sure how long you and your current boyfriend have been together, or whether a similar situation has come up where he's felt uncomfortable when exposed to you and an ex, but the first thing I would do is put all my cards on the table with him and let him know that your old friend will be attending the wedding. Under no circumstance would I speak with the old friend before bringing your boyfriend up to speed.
It's unrealistic to assume that you'll never run into ex partners while you're with someone new — there's absolutely no reason why it should be weird. And if your current boyfriend expected you to be some kind of saintly virgin when you met (not that there's anything wrong with being that), then that's a whole other issue that needs to be addressed.
As long as it's clear that you're devoted to and love your current beau, then running into people that used to get your gears going is no big deal at all.
The long and the short of it? You need to tell your boyfriend how you're feeling, so that the two of you can clear the air and move forward. Chances are, if he finds out that this person (your friend) is contacting you about him and you haven't told him about it, he's gonna be pretty upset — and there's no reason for things to come to that.
That's all the advice I have for today — if you have any words of support or wisdom you'd like to share with the OP, feel free to leave them in the comments below.
Just remember to be kind and considerate when you do.