The Definitive Ranking Of Bad Valentine’s Day Presents

Not all gifts that say “I love you” are created equal. But whatever presents you exchange, you can make it a perfect night with K-Y Date Night.

13. Imperfect Baked Goods

Katrina (CC BY-ND http://2.0) / Via Flickr: kkatrinaa

Your heart didn’t look exactly like a heart? Whatever, it’s still very delicious.

12. Love Poem

Jenny Sturm / Via shutterstock

I wanted to say something sweet
Something you’d think was really neat
And what better way to make it rhyme
Because that trick works every time
Trust that this comes from the heart
Even though my prose is a fart

11. Something Fancy (and Impersonal)

Vadim Ponomarenko / Via: Shutterstock

Francesco Ocello / Via: shutterstock


It’s OK to love it when someone spends exorbitant amounts of money on you.

10. Heart-Covered Underwear

Jami Garrison / Via shutterstock

These are plenty cheeky for February, but they just look strange in July.

9. A Stuffed Animal (That’s Not a Bear)

Matthew Bietz (CC BY-SA http://2.0) / Via Flickr: mbietz

Anything that’s not a stuffed bear just wishes it were one.

8. A Detailed Card Written by Someone Else

Janine (CC BY http://2.0) / Via Flickr: 62274271@N00

Sure! True love is like a roller coaster that we’re both on together always and forever! Thanks! OK! And you signed it! Great!

7. Romance Novel

Marc Dietrich / Via shutterstock

Here’s some fiction to help deal with a mundane reality.

6. Balloons

Amanda Hatfield / CC BY http://2.0 / Via Flickr: dust

Bags of helium that are just waiting to explode. Their one upside? You can inhale them to make a funny voice.

5. An Oversized Stuffed Animal

Sure, it’s an adorable bear, but there can be too much of a good thing. Does it do more than just take up space? Will it pay rent? Can it sign for your packages?

4. Straight-Up Cash

Bragin Alexey / Via Shutterstock

This isn’t bad from a family member, but when it’s coming from your significant other, it just feels… wrong.

3. A Gift That’s Clearly for the Giver

paparutzi / (CC BY http://2.0) / Via Flickr: lmlienau

“We can go to this thing that I love — but you hate — together!”

2. Candy Hearts

sloanpix / CC BY http://2.0 / Via Flickr: sloanpix

Compressed chalk with food coloring and nonsense words. Greaaaaaaaat.

1. Nothing

An excuse is not a present. :-(

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