In what's got to be the worst makeover ever, Mark Longley from Crawley in West Sussex spent his bachelor party (also known as stag do or buck's night) with pubic hair literally glued to his face.
PUBIC HAIR.
Photos uploaded to Facebook by best man Steve West explain that the ~pube beard~ was made possible thanks to donations from Mark's best friends.
"Personally I think he looks like a bit of a plonker," Steve said, prior to posting evidence for the world to see.
In addition to the man-made mask, Mark wore clown shoes, was taped to a wheelchair, and was decorated with permanent marker. He was also given a cabbage "best friend" to hold on to at all times.
LUCKY!
But mainly... PUBE BEARD.
IT HAPPENED.
IT WAS IN HIS EARS.
???????!!!!!!????!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!!!!?!?!?!!!!!!!!
The group took a detour en route to Bognor Regis to stop in at a local nursing home, because WHY NOT?!
View this video on YouTube
But mainly, just WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!
BuzzFeed has reached out to Longley and West for comment.
Crawley is located in West Sussex. An earlier version of this post misstated that it was located in Surrey.