Hello there. We're Mark and Gyan from BuzzFeed dot com the website, and as you are reading this, we are digesting the world's most expensive surf 'n' turf pie.
Before we begin this tale of bravery, perseverance and unashamed gilded gluttony, it's important to understand why a meat pie worth $12,000 exists.
The pie's ~fancy pants~ ingredient list includes Australia's dearest wagyu eye fillet, West Australian rock lobsters, french truffles worth $180 a pop and German gold leaf.
Naturally, the pie also contains Australia's most iconic wine, Penfolds Grange.
And yeah, it costs $12,000 AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS.
But, back to the story... It was the day we got to taste test this magical ~Posh Pie~ we'd heard so much about and we were bloody excited.
Pretty excited to be eating a $12,000 meat pie with @GyanYankovich today #GyanMarkPoshPie
There were big decisions to make from the moment we got out of bed.
OK @MarkDiStef, which of these is closest to posh? #GyanMarkPoshPie
And not everything went to plan...
My MAC Snob has melted into oblivion and there couldn't be a worse day for this discovery. #GyanMarkPoshPie
...but it was our big day and we'd be damned if we'd let anything ruin it.
Today's music inspiration: Posh Spice. #GyanMarkPoshPie
In other words, we were feeling the pie vibes HARD.
After a morning of posh preparation, we were almost ready. Gyan donned some faux-fur, and Mark pushed every human boundary, growing a moustache for the occasion.
@MarkDiStef and I are on our way to try the world's most expensive pie. Will it be Yuck or Yaaass? #GyanMarkPoshPie
We even purchased novelty top hats.
His and Hers top hats were obviously a must. #GyanMarkPoshPie
Yes, PURCHASED. With real-life money.
By the time we arrived at the pie's humble abode we were FEELING IT. We were #posh and in the mood for pie.
We're ready for our pies now. #GyanMarkPoshPie
We had an entire goddamn old-time-y photo shoot for crying out loud.
No seriously where the hell are the pies #GyanMarkPoshPie
(It's at this point we'd like to remind you all to, please, hold your celebrations and praise until the post's end.)
Still awaiting our little slice of heaven, we shared a beer with the pie's co-creator Nathan Flint.
IT WAS THEN THAT THE PIE ARRIVED.
THE PIE IS HERE!! #GyanMarkPoshPie
The first thing to mention is the smell. Our senses were delighted by a mix of crispened truffles, golden pastry and the slightest hint of red wine musk.
IT WAS THE PRETTIEST PIE IN ALL THE LAND.
We dug right in. Like any true Aussie does when presented with a freshly baked dog's eye.
We kept eating. We let the pie take over.
For the first time, we were introduced to the struggles of eating something that's worth more than you have in your bank account.
When you eat the world's most expensive pie it's easy to get gold on your nose. #poshpie #GyanMarkPoshPie
A ~Rich Kids Of BuzzFeed~ worthy mess.
Second impression: @GyanYankovich looks like she has a golden cocaine habit #GyanMarkPoshPie
Watching ourselves shovel forkful after forkful into our cheap mouths, we felt a sadness deep within. We were raised on pub meals, cheap steaks and servo pies. Perhaps this pie was beyond us.
Perhaps, we were not worthy of its greatness?
In an overwhelming moment of self-doubt, we asked for some tomato sauce.
These are my life goals #GyanMarkPoshPie
Because maaaaaaaaaate.
We craved chippies, and maybe a small side salad.
"I would have like some sides" - @GyanYankovich after eating a $12,000 pie #GyanMarkPoshPie
NGL IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE.
And then we were done, and we had a lot of thoughts. We put our new #PoshPower to the test and for a moment swapped our top hats for thinking hats. (Not literally though, because who on Earth would give up a top hat?!)
The TL:DR version?
Would I pay $12,000 for the pie? Don't be silly I've never had that much money.
The even shorter version? We both voted YAAASS.
